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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about going back to university?

117 replies

Myblackheart · 29/10/2017 10:17

SIL was here last week visiting from abroad with her DS and during that time we went to an open day looking at courses for me to do with the view to getting a professional qualification.

It's something I know I've been interested in since the start of 2012 after seeing a documentary and I have really tried to get relevant experience and think now is a good time to apply for next September.

Dh was encouraging when sil was here but then afterwards said that sil had put ideas in my head and that it was a something to do.

He said the problem is I am thinking for the good of me and not for the family as a whole.

Is this a reasonable argument, when you become a parent.

OP posts:

2014newme · 29/10/2017 10:20

Depends doesn't it? What is the impact on the family, there will be positives and negatives you need to weigh them up e. Get cost of fees and drop in earnings whilst studying compared to future earnings potential etc

Lucyccfc · 29/10/2017 10:21

No, your DH is being a dick.

I went back to Uni and did a Post-Grad when I was 45 and I'm starting another one in 2 weeks at 49.

Studying keeps my brain active, shows my DS that you are never too old to study and is also good for my career.

You need to find out why your DH feels threatened by this.

newnamechange84 · 29/10/2017 10:23

What kind of area are you in at the moment? Are you happy? Earning enough? Could your DH support you financially if you go back? A professional qualification is different to doing a degree that you can’t be something in. I went back last September, as did my then partner. The pressure contributed towards our split although it wasn’t entirely responsible. It’s hard work and the hours you may need to put into placements on a professional degree may be a lot more than a degree such as English. Have a good think about it but also take into consideration if you’ll regret not doing it.

Appuskidu · 29/10/2017 10:25

Dh was encouraging when sil was here but then afterwards said that sil had put ideas in my head and that it was a something to do.

I don't really understand what that means?

Getting professional qualifications is a good thing, I presume-you will increase your earning potential and contribute more to the family pot-yes? What are his reasons for being negative?

If you wanted to spend £27k doing a media studies degree then I would be far more cautious than if you were doing e.g. accountancy. If you were thinking of going into teaching, on the other hand, I would tell you to run for the hills.

Original poster

Myblackheart · 29/10/2017 10:31

Dh says:

the placements will be disruptive to everybody.
the cost is too much
I won't like it

OP posts:

Original poster

Myblackheart · 29/10/2017 10:32

I think that sentence should have read 'A selfish thing to do' , sorry.

OP posts:

CloudPerson · 29/10/2017 10:36

I've just started a part time MA. I'm taking out a student loan to cover the costs.

I think that even though you have children/family, you still need to put yourself first sometimes, otherwise you become obsolete and lost. Signing up for the course is looking towards your future, which would be a benefit to the whole family as well.

If you don't like it you still have options, you could change course, or discuss things with course leaders and take some time out.

I would go for it.

CloudPerson · 29/10/2017 10:37

Why would it be a selfish thing to do?

Original poster

Myblackheart · 29/10/2017 10:38

I was thinking dh was being very unreasonable but some replies here have made me reconsider. It isn't the sort of course you can or should chop and change with- it leads to a specific qualification and role.

OP posts:

CloudPerson · 29/10/2017 10:40

Is the course part time or full time?
Is the specific qualification and role something you want?
If you don't do it, having been in a situation where you're seriously considering it, do you think you'll have regrets in the future?

I think your dh sounds quite unsupportive about this, when he could be thinking through the problems with you rather than trying to put you off.

ButchyRestingFace · 29/10/2017 10:40

What makes him think you won't like it?

Do you currently work, OP?

Does your husband do a lot anything about the house?

2014newme · 29/10/2017 10:41

What is the cost? And how will you recoup them eg high earnings afterwards?

underthebluemoon · 29/10/2017 10:42

Is it teacher training? Not everyone is suited to it even if they think they know what they are getting into. It is a heavy workload. Sorry to sound negative but these are considerations.

hackmum · 29/10/2017 10:45

How lovely to have a supportive DH.

He is deliberately undermining you. How does he know you won't like it?

Presumably you want to retrain because you are looking at the long-term: it's a qualification that will lead to a job that you will, hopefully, enjoy and, I assume, pay well. Yes, it will probably be disruptive in the short-term. But what happens if you don't do it - what does the long term look like then?

justilou1 · 29/10/2017 10:47

Does he play golf? Have subscription tickets to his favourite football team? Is he worried you might find him even less fascinating than you do now once you are "edjamacated"? WHAT A GIT!

Original poster

Myblackheart · 29/10/2017 10:48

It isn't teacher training but not worlds apart, which is his argument: no one likes the job, high stress, and so on.

It's not massively well paid but its decent.

OP posts:

RoseWhiteTips · 29/10/2017 10:48

CloudPerson

I've just started a part time MA. I'm taking out a student loan to cover the costs

I assume you have a first degree?

Original poster

Myblackheart · 29/10/2017 10:49

I do, yeah.

OP posts:

donajimena · 29/10/2017 10:51

I'm just at Uni. First degree for me. I keep hearing about all the debt but I will be able to get a bloody decent job at the end. Its an investment.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 29/10/2017 10:51

What is the course and how will it and the placements effect your family life?

MargaretTwatyer · 29/10/2017 10:52

Is it Social Work OP? He might have a point. The profession has very high attrition rates.

Moanyoldcow · 29/10/2017 10:53

It's really hard to know without a bit more info - English degree? Social Worker? Teacher? Midwife? All would impact your family but differently with different rewards and downsides at the end.

And what you do now if a factor.

E.g. I'm an accountant. If I wanted to retrain as a midwife I'd have fees, unsociable shifts and earn less money at the end. Not great for the family.

The other way round and you'd get a different answer.

I understand not wanting to be super specific but it's tricky to give advice with such vague details.

Brokenbiscuit · 29/10/2017 10:57

I have plenty of complaints about my DH, but one thing I can say is that he has always been my biggest cheerleader with regard to the stuff that I want to do in life - whether applying for a new job, doing my master's degree or whatever. He has always believed in me even more than I believe in myself.

I couldn't be with someone who wanted to limit my aspirations in that way. Of course you need to think about the impact of doing this course on the rest of your family, but you have to live your own life too.

Don't end up like my mum, looking back with regret at all the things that you wanted to do but didn't. That way lies torture!

Gorgeous73 · 29/10/2017 10:59

You're not being selfish. Go for it. From my personal experience, there are two ways of doing it: if dh is supportive then you can just organise everything together, make a financial plan etc. If not, you can still go ahead but plan it differently, for example study part time to start with. Do what you can not to disrupt family life too much, it might be exhausting for a little while but you'll get the hang of it and believe me, it's worth it in every way, it invigorates you, and will help you bring more income in in the future. IMO though, dh could be a bit more supportive, how can he tell you won't like it, if you're sure that's what you want you'll probably be excited an happy

Original poster

Myblackheart · 29/10/2017 11:01

I dont want to say what it is. It's not a first degree, its an MA with a specific qualification. I'm mostly a SAHM at the moment but I do a bit of paid work and some voluntary.

OP posts:

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