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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think PILs should babysit anyway?

103 replies

ASatisfyingThump · 17/10/2017 18:17

For context, DH has had several nights out and two weekends away in the past few months, while I've had one night out. PILs are the only support we have and we rarely as for favours.

We've been invited to a party at the weekend, and the current plan is that he goes while I stay at home and look after the kids because DS2 (11mo) doesn't sleep through the night and it's not fair to ask his parents to deal with that. I think it's not fair that he won't even ask them and I'm honestly sick of always being at home while he goes out and has fun. I feel like telling him either we both go or we both stay at home. I'm at home with DS2 all the time and I just want a night out for a change.

So AIBU to think he should get his parents to babysit anyway? Or if they won't, he should stay at home with me?

OP posts:
Anecdoche · 17/10/2017 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ijustwannadance · 17/10/2017 18:20

Why can't you ask them yourself? Sounds like he just doesn't want you to go.

BathTangle · 17/10/2017 18:20

As is commonly said on here, I think this is more of a DH problem than a PIL problem. How come he can't stay in and you go out? (unless you are breastfeeding?)

MadMags · 17/10/2017 18:21

Why can't he stay home and you go??

gamerchick · 17/10/2017 18:21

No he stays in instead. Why are you the default babysitter?

Original poster
ASatisfyingThump · 17/10/2017 18:21

Unfortunately just me going isn't really an option, they're his friends and I only know them through him.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 17/10/2017 18:22

You go to the party and he stays home. PIL are neither here nor there, what's fair is he's had more nights out/time away.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 17/10/2017 18:22

You go and he stays home?

I don't think it's fair to ask PIL to babysit, not their choice to have children and do the sleepless nights again. Ok to ask them for a couple of hours but then you take over night duty as the parents.

Or pay a sitter who knows the deal re no sleep.

BathTangle · 17/10/2017 18:23

Or you get a babysitter? Not sure if money is an issue but if he has had two weekends away that has presumably cost money?

MadMags · 17/10/2017 18:23

Can you pay someone??

Allthewaves · 17/10/2017 18:24

No I wouldn't ask my parents or inlaws to deal with child that doesn't sleep through. Organise yourself some more nights put while dh babysits or pay a babysitter

LadyWire · 17/10/2017 18:24

Definitely you go and he stays home! I bet he'll soon ask his parents if that's the plan...

OnionKnight · 17/10/2017 18:25

YABU.

Get a babysitter, your PIL's don't have to babysit.

HeebieJeebies456 · 17/10/2017 18:25

Your husband is the selfish fucker here......and you're being a doormat.

Tell your husband either he shares child-free time with you or gets lost.
Why haven't you pulled him up on this?

NanooCov · 17/10/2017 18:25

My 2yr 10mth old still sometimes wakes in the night. If so and he’s with the in laws then he’ll hop in their bed. They’re perfectly happy with it. They rarely babysit (they don’t live locally) but are fine with it. If they’re aware and happy to do it, it’s not a problem.

Batteriesallgone · 17/10/2017 18:25

You know PIL we don't. Will they be ok getting up several times a night? There's no 'should' in terms of them actually doing it, it's a favour. They could choose not to.

However I agree DH should either ask them, or be the one to stay at home.

Maybe just tell him you are going because it's his turn and so childcare is his issue that night. Then leave the house half hour before he expects on the night (go sit in a park if you have to) so he can't duck out before you and leave you holding the baby.

InfiniteSheldon · 17/10/2017 18:26

Try asking I've had my dgc over night regularly since 3 months old I love having them don't care if I don't get much sleep

Nocabbageinmyeye · 17/10/2017 18:26

Your thread title is misleading, this has nothing to do with your pil at all, you haven't even asked them to babysit so yabu, it has nothing to do with them. Yanbu to want a night out though so sorry one out for yourself and go leaving your dh at home

Original poster
ASatisfyingThump · 17/10/2017 18:27

Not breastfeeding, no. I'm default babysitter because most of my friends have moved away over the years so I rarely get invited out, so we fell into this pattern.

I want him to ask because he never does. Because he just assumed I would stay at home. Because I want him to make the effort for once.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 17/10/2017 18:27

Could you pay for a babysitter? Or go out another night and leave him at home?

BathTangle · 17/10/2017 18:27

If you don't do it for this event, make sure you do arrange some nights out for yourself while he looks after the kids. If this is a problem (e.g. he won't do this), then you need to have a serious think about how this relationship is working for you.

CJCreggsGoldfish · 17/10/2017 18:28

Do you get to go out with your friends at all? Would he look after the DC on his own?

The PIL is a separate issue. My parents completely refuse to look after our DC on an evening so we haven't been out late as a couple for 6 years now. DH's parents aren't around and he'd get frustrated with me not asking more, but when you've had a lifetime of 'no's' you do start to get jaded by keep asking (to put it mildly).

DH does go out with his mates, and I with mine, we just don't go together.

eddies36 · 17/10/2017 18:28

He stays at home and you go out, simples.

ArcheryAnnie · 17/10/2017 18:29

He should stay in while you go out. If he wants to go out too, then he should ask his parents to help.

He's being a bit of a selfish dick, tbf.

Viserion · 17/10/2017 18:29

ILs are under no obligation to babysit. My parents have never ever looked after mine, not even once, in 12 years. I have stopped asking.

Can you ask them? Does the call have to come from your DH?

Would you consider a professional sitter, from somewhere like sitters.co.uk? Or does your DS go to a nursery, would any of the staff there be able to help?

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