To think PILs should babysit anyway?

[ASatisfyingThump]

For context, DH has had several nights out and two weekends away in the past few months, while I've had one night out. PILs are the only support we have and we rarely as for favours.

We've been invited to a party at the weekend, and the current plan is that he goes while I stay at home and look after the kids because DS2 (11mo) doesn't sleep through the night and it's not fair to ask his parents to deal with that. I think it's not fair that he won't even ask them and I'm honestly sick of always being at home while he goes out and has fun. I feel like telling him either we both go or we both stay at home. I'm at home with DS2 all the time and I just want a night out for a change.

So AIBU to think he should get his parents to babysit anyway? Or if they won't, he should stay at home with me?

I think maybe you need to be a bit kinder about his parents. It isn't their fault you don't have other support.

He sees it and he gets it.
You’ve spoke to him about it several times so he knows exactly how you feel, he doesn’t care and his assuming you’ll be the one who stays at home while he has yet another night out, while knowing how you feel about needing childfree time shiws he doesn’t think you should have childfree time.

Him being happy you are a sahm may well have nothing to do him Being a great bloke and more to do with him having you at home with his children where he thinks you should be.

You say if you suggested you go out and he stay home he’d get the arse? If you wanted to return to work would he get the arse at having extra things to do re childcare and housework etc?

A good bloke, husband and father wouldn’t get the arse about his partner having a much need and rare childfree evening after he has had multiple nights out and several weekends away. If he viewed you as an equal he wouldn’t be getting the arse at you wanting a fair amount of childfree time, he’d be giving some of his up so that you both share budget and time equally.

He gets a night out and doesn’t come til morning in weekend, the next weekend you get the night out of the house and returning on morning. You don’t have to go out on the lash with mates, a night in a travel lodge with a few good books wouldn’t be much different cost wise from buying drinks or full weekends away he’s already had. Join a club that gets you out, even a few hours in Costa on your own while he parents his own children.

I'm not liking the sound of your family dynamics OP.. your husband sounds like something from the 1950's... as DoubleDinghyRapids correctly describes it.. you are not his equal in any way... I suspect he doesn't want to ask his parents to babysit because they would question how many nights/overnights out has actually has....

he's living the life of a single man