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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think kids shouldn't cut up spiders?

202 replies

sparklewater · 09/10/2017 19:14

That, really. A five year old I know was found cutting up a live spider.

AIBU to be absolutely horrified or am I totally over-reacting?

OP posts:
FlowerPotMum · 09/10/2017 19:14

Grim and cruel. Did you tell him not to?

McTufty · 09/10/2017 19:16

Awful. I hate spiders but to deliberately cause pain to any living creature just for the fuck of it is vile.

Arealhumanbeing · 09/10/2017 19:16

Isn’t that a really bad sign? In terms of how someone may go on to treat other people.

Bluelonerose · 09/10/2017 19:17

Yanbu.

Ide be worried why a 5 year old thought this was ok.

treaclesoda · 09/10/2017 19:18

Cutting up? With a knife? Scissors?

That's hideous.

BitchQueen90 · 09/10/2017 19:18

No you're not overreacting. Causing deliberate pain to something smaller and more defenseless then yourself is cruel. 5 is old enough to know that.

tippz · 09/10/2017 19:18

That is fucking nasty. I would never harm a living creature, and this is very upsetting. Sad

It's a well documented fact that serial killers started off with hurting small animals and insects.

Just saying.

minisoksmakehardwork · 09/10/2017 19:18

Yanbu. My dd’s were found caring for a butterfly the other day. They had made a bed out of fallen rose petals for it and brought it a small dish with water.

We didn’t have the heart to tell them the butterfly was already very definitely dead. So they believe they nursed it back to health and it flew away.

I am not a huge fan of all insects, but I’d never encourage outright cruelty like that. If you need to kill a bug then do it swiftly and decisively. It’s just torture and it would make me wonder what else the child would do.

IsThisAJoke · 09/10/2017 19:29

WTF!
I tell me dc that spiders aren’t hurting them so why should they hurt spiders, they would be in big trouble if I saw them hurting an innocent creature for fun.

GiveMeTheTeaAndNobodyGetsHurt · 09/10/2017 19:31

It's an awful thing to do, and the child should be old enough to understand about not causing pain to animals. It's also true that it can sometimes be an early indicator of various personality disorders involving lack of empathy. But, to automatically jump to that conclusion is unhelpful - fwiw my own brother, at about the same age, used to pull the wings off butterflies. He is now a well-adjusted adult, with a care for wildlife beyond that of most people I know. I believe in his case his actions were motivated by curiosity not by the desire to cause pain, and no other behaviours he exhibited in childhood were any cause for concern. He just didn't understand that his desire to understand how the butterflies 'worked' resulted in an act of cruelty.

Original poster
sparklewater · 09/10/2017 19:31

Scissors, apparently. I wasn't there...

OP posts:
VinIsGroot · 09/10/2017 19:33

Hmmmmmmmm my DH stamps on them...is that any better. If I'm home he'll shout me and I'll use the glass and card trick ..... He's not a psychopath ...he's just petrified of spiders!

TheCatsMother99 · 09/10/2017 19:33

It's a living being!

I hate spiders, and have a legitimate phobia of them, but even I know it's wrong to kill one.

It would worry me that the kid did this.

Banderwassnatched · 09/10/2017 19:33

Isn't that just something some kids do? 5 year olds aren't overburdened with empathy. And anyway, I've seen grown women saying 'kill it with fire' when they've seen spiders...

GiveMeTheTeaAndNobodyGetsHurt · 09/10/2017 19:34

Sorry, my post was masssively long! Basically, it's a worrying behaviour, but not always indicative of a cruel mind. It depends how the child responds when told they did something cruel.

Emillee · 09/10/2017 19:35

Isn't that just something some kids do? 5 year olds aren't overburdened with empathy.

It isn't something my 5 year old DS or DD would have considered doing for so much as a second.

Banderwassnatched · 09/10/2017 19:40

Mine either, but that doesn't mean that it's 'worrying' or that a kid that does it is some kind of violent psychopath. My kids don't chop spiders because they are too scared off spiders to get close enough. They are more than happy for me to vacuum the spiders off the ceiling, their feelings or their status as 'living creatures' does not bother them unduly.

TheCatsMother99 · 09/10/2017 19:42

Stamping on a spider is one thing, cutting it up killing it slowly (preaumably) is another. That's sounds like killing for fun.

I've never heard of a 5 year old cutting a spider or insect up before but I have seen many collect them in a jar and look at them and want to keep them as pets. THAT to me is normal behaviour.

GloGirl · 09/10/2017 19:43

We have a lot of pets in this house, we're always telling kids not to chase pigeons and I've never talked about insects as being anything other than lovely creatures. That being said I've seem both of my children going to jump on an ant, or squish a fly with their finger, almost out of instinct.

Is it a nice kind thing to chop up a spider? No but I'm not surprised a 5yo who hasn't had much direction about insects and animals if left to his own devices would be curious to see. How is a 5yo to know that cutting up a spider is different to eating chicken or chasing wasps out of your house, or whacking flies etc.

I wouldn't be too harsh on hearing a child had done it but I'd think it fucking grim if a parent was recounting it as if it was funny.

It's an experiment and in the very long line of evolution children and adults have done much worse "just to see what happens".

HoneyBoo269 · 09/10/2017 19:43

Horrible Sad although I work in a nursery, & have had to tell many preschoolers off for stamping/squishing/pulling legs off insects. Really annoys me, every child should be taught compassion for every living thing.

As a young child, I used to 'save' my DF fishing maggots. I used to carry them around all day, caring for them. Think it made my mum feel slightly ill Grin

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 09/10/2017 19:44

Oh my god. That's awful. Just chilling.

Did no one see? Or try to stop them?
Was this at school?

SuburbanRhonda · 09/10/2017 19:44

Hmmmmmmmm my DH stamps on them...is that any better.

Not it's not. If he's scared of them and they're on the ground he could - you know - walk away.

Strummerville · 09/10/2017 19:47

Well, it's not great, but the child will learn from the reaction of his carer, I suppose. I was about that age when I told my friend (a year younger) to pull the wings off a butterfly we'd found. It was curiosity. My dad found us and bollocked us.

We also used to crush tiny moths between our fingers because they left a sparkly residue, and one time I tried (and failed!) to put our much-loved cat into a water butt. This latter was because I had read that cats hated water and I wanted to see if it was true.

I'm not a psycho. I have a high degree of empathy and absolutely abhor violence and cruelty to animals or people. Really!

pineapplehead48 · 09/10/2017 19:53

I remember being a kid and my cousins swatting a wasp, he didn’t kill it, more immobilised it - proceeded to burn it with a lighter. That’s my biggest fear is wasps, but it was absolutely cruel and needless, and I don’t think yabu at all

mygorgeousmilo · 09/10/2017 20:08

I would be disgusted if one of my children killed any living thing. Any bug, any thing at all. Horrible