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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think kids shouldn't cut up spiders?

202 replies

sparklewater · 09/10/2017 19:14

That, really. A five year old I know was found cutting up a live spider.

AIBU to be absolutely horrified or am I totally over-reacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklewater · 10/10/2017 09:51

existential Thanks so much for your valuable input.

OP posts:
shhhfastasleep · 10/10/2017 09:52

Tormenting living creatures is not a good sign. I don’t know any child that has ever done it. And I am very old and have met lots of children. I even was one myself.
It is not normal kid behaviour.

coddiwomple · 10/10/2017 09:52

Shock Some reactions on this thread, if genuine, are a lot more worrying that the actual incident.

ChildOfWoe · 10/10/2017 09:55

I would find it upsetting if either of my child did this sort of thing.. however I don't think we can brand the child as an evil psychopath.. the child is 5, and for all we know could have watched their parents kill spiders multiple times & not see a problem with it.
In our house we don't kill any spiders, but I know for certain other people do, either stamping on them, throwing books on them, hoovering them up.. they're all pretty horrible ways for the poor spider to die. So if (presuming here) the child sees that from grown ups, they wouldn't know any better?

Original poster
sparklewater · 10/10/2017 09:58

Parents of child definitely don't kill spiders or other insects. Might have seen someone do it at school, but not been something they have been continually exposed to since birth or anything like that.

OP posts:
Gromance02 · 10/10/2017 10:01

What if they were cutting the legs off a cat or dog? This thread has made me feel sick.

Afternooncatnap · 10/10/2017 10:02

It is werid. But I don't think it means the child is is a future psycho.

Insects and bugs are tricky because you can tell a child that all animals are special and shouldn't be harmed, but society shows us that insects, bugs and any vermin can and should be killed. So it's confusing for the child.

As other people have said they will kill spiders. I remeber my mum sending me round the garden with salt to put on the slugs. Flies are routinely killed. Alot of people kill moths. I Also remeber chopping up worms as I was told of you cut them in half it makes two.

If the kid starts torturing bigger animals I might worry but not so much for attacking a spider. It could have just been curiosity or not understanding that you shouldn't hurt bugs. She just needs talking to.

earlygreysanatomy · 10/10/2017 10:04

What if they were cutting the legs off a cat or dog? This thread has made me feel sick

What if they were on the moon and cutting the legs off an alien?
It's not a cat or a dog, so that's completely irrelevant.

earlygreysanatomy · 10/10/2017 10:05

Parents of child definitely don't kill spiders or other insects

Don't they? Do they put them outside (as pp said, that kills them). Do they kill flies? Wasps? Mice or rats even?

You can't go around killing certain insects and then being astounded that children might get the idea that its ok to kill insects.

QueenJane · 10/10/2017 10:07

I performed a lobotomy on my Tiny Tears doll when I was about 5. The look of sheer horror on my mother's face was something to behold.

I am not a psychopath.

disahsterdahling · 10/10/2017 10:07

this behaviour is a well-documented precursor to murderous psychopathy

Most adults (assuming the UK here) kill wasps and flies and I bet a lot of MNers vacuum up spiders rather than doing the card and glass trick.

We're not all psychopaths!

coddiwomple · 10/10/2017 10:08

what about bed bugs, ticks, head lice and nits...?

Original poster
sparklewater · 10/10/2017 10:08

earlygreys No, they don't. As I said upthread, they live rurally (not on a farm or anything) and have lots of pets, etc. Very animal-friendly household and that includes bugs and other 'pests'.

OP posts:
peppapigearworm · 10/10/2017 10:09

this behaviour is a well-documented precursor to murderous psychopathy

Most of the country kills spiders, flies, all kinds of things.

peppapigearworm · 10/10/2017 10:09

No, they don't. As I said upthread, they live rurally (not on a farm or anything) and have lots of pets, etc. Very animal-friendly household and that includes bugs and other 'pests

If they have pets they must kill fleas, ticks and worms?

Original poster
sparklewater · 10/10/2017 10:09

queenjane That made me laugh! Not letting you near my dolls ;)

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklewater · 10/10/2017 10:11

peppapig Yes, I'm sure they do. But I'm pretty sure the five year old is not involved with or even aware of this mass flea slaughter so it's irrelevant really in terms of influencing her attitude towards animals.

OP posts:
ThePeanutGallery · 10/10/2017 10:13

Here's an interesting article on the topic:

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-equation/201104/children-who-are-cruel-animals-when-worry

The Experimenter: (ages 1-6 or developmentally delayed). This is usually a preschool child who has not developed the cognitive maturity to understand that animals have feelings are not to be treated as toys. This may be the child's first pet or s/he doesn't have a lot of experience or training on how to take care of a variety of animals.

ThePeanutGallery · 10/10/2017 10:15

"The Bottom Line

Every act of violence committed against an animal is not a sign that a person is going to turn out to be a homicidal maniac. Particularly with young children, whose natural exuberance and curiosity can lead to some unpleasant experiences for their pets, it is fine to shrug off an occasional lapse in judgment while continuing to educate the child about humane animal treatment.

However, locking a pet inside a closed space, violently lashing out at a pet after getting in trouble with a parent, or taking pleasure in watching an animal in pain are all "red flags" that signal the need for professional intervention. This is particularly true when the child has the cognitive maturity to understand that what s/he is doing is wrong - and repeatedly does it anyway."

ThePeanutGallery · 10/10/2017 10:18

Another point I read elsewhere that might be worth pointing out is that insects don't display signs of pain or distress in the same way mammals, birds and reptiles do. Which means that a young child may not pick up on the fact that they are hurting it during their experimenting.

Original poster
sparklewater · 10/10/2017 10:40

thepeanut That's actually really, really helpful and reassuring, thank you for sharing that :)

OP posts:
QueenJane · 10/10/2017 10:43

I think there's an element of cognitive dissonance here. I kill fleas, worms and ticks. I drug my cat in the knowledge that these things will die and I'm comfortable with that.

However, I do not mindlessly kill things that I come across. If a spider wants to set up home in my spare room I don't really care. It's not doing anyone any harm. I think it's the thought process that is important. I'm an utilitarian Grin The greatest good for the greatest number.

ArcheryAnnie · 10/10/2017 10:52

It's absolutely horrible. I remember my DS coming home in tears in Y1, after he showed another kid a lovely moth on the playground floor, and this other boy stamped on it.

I would really worry how a 5 year old came to be so regardless of other living things.

ArcheryAnnie · 10/10/2017 10:54

Oh, and there's a big difference between cutting up an animal for entertainment, and killing an animal because it's in the wrong place and harming you (eg nits, lice, bedbugs) and that's the only way to get rid.

peppapigearworm · 10/10/2017 10:55

dead is dead. There isn't really a big difference at all.