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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think kids shouldn't cut up spiders?

202 replies

sparklewater · 09/10/2017 19:14

That, really. A five year old I know was found cutting up a live spider.

AIBU to be absolutely horrified or am I totally over-reacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklewater · 09/10/2017 23:18

Context I suppose is that child is described (by parents) as 'a free spirit' etc. Rarely, if ever, punished.

Family member been unwell recently and child just started reception so a degree of upheaval there but nothing crazy.

OP posts:
HateIsNotGood · 09/10/2017 23:35

The thing about spiders is that many humans have 'irrational fears' about them,, and in some geographical locations this arachnophobia is not unfounded; we are so lucky in the UK in that there is very little here in nature that can kill/harm us and so few countries/areas can say that.

However, spider fear is very real and the dc you describe could be very efficiently dealing with a problem she/he sees so what you are describing (but haven't seen as you weren't there) could be an example of intelligent behaviour. The DC is only 5 after all, not 8 or 13.

You don't appear keen on the parents and state a great knowledge of their parenting skills. Perchance you are the parent of a dc in the same 'reception class'?

Original poster
sparklewater · 09/10/2017 23:43

I love the parents dearly, but yes, I do find their parenting style frustrating and have done for years. Not same school as my kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklewater · 09/10/2017 23:44

And child is not afraid of spiders or bugs in the slightest.

OP posts:
sashh · 10/10/2017 04:57

My dd’s were found caring for a butterfly the other day. They had made a bed out of fallen rose petals for it and brought it a small dish with water.

That's so sweet, and the start of a fairy tale.

FallingSkye · 10/10/2017 05:02

I have a very clear memory of "cutting up" a worm with my library card when I was very young Blush t'was an accident, I was trying to pick it up on the card and accidentally mashed it.

FallingSkye · 10/10/2017 05:03

Posted too soon (iPhone and fat fingers).
That doesn't sound like an accident though - deliberately cutting up an insect or small animal would really really worry me if it was my child

5rivers7hills · 10/10/2017 07:16

90% of supposedly lovely empathetic nice women on MN vacuums up spiders or move house spiders outside to die a slow cold death.

Not sure this is that much different except the death is more immediate and less cowardly.

Pinky333777 · 10/10/2017 07:23

I would want to know why a 5yr old wasn't more closely supervised with scissors tbh.
Kids can be cruel as they explore the world around them. One of my 4yr old charges used to enjoy squashing ants.
Empathy, respect and caring needs to be taught.
I'd only be cross with the 5yr old if this behaviour had already been addressed and he clearly knew it was wrong.
Otherwise a simple chat would suffice.

GhostsToMonsoon · 10/10/2017 08:05

If I saw my children doing that I would be extremely angry with them and explain why it was wrong.

Littlemiss87 · 10/10/2017 08:14

It is something you see quite a lot as a teacher, I always ask the children if they would like me to chop their legs off. They get the message.

existentialmoment · 10/10/2017 09:02

But killing spiders is unnecessary, especially in this country where they’re not dangerous. Just walk away or put it outside. It’s often me that does that, as my DDs are afraid of spiders

Putting house spiders outside does KILL them. You are all a bunch of hypocrites..."oh how shocking and awful, and young child killing a spider. I kill spiders too, just a little less directly...."

FFS people, listen to yourselves.

midnightmisssuki · 10/10/2017 09:14

existentialmoment You are missing the point - this child was cutting spiders up - piece by piece. You think that's normal do you?

Alittlepotofrosie · 10/10/2017 09:16

How is it different to grown adults killing them rather than just putting them outside?

existentialmoment · 10/10/2017 09:18

I'm really not missing the point at all, you are.

Is it normal? No, not really. But then neither is the outrage from you all about a child killing spiders, when you all kill spiders.

Not sure how much clearer I can put that. Child kills spiders, you kill spiders.

QueenJane · 10/10/2017 09:19

I know plenty of adults who lose their shit and stamp on them/squish them/spray them with something toxic Hmm Equally unnecessary in this country.

Original poster
sparklewater · 10/10/2017 09:22

littlemiss Is it? With scissors? Knowing it's reasonably common makes me worry less! (Although is still awful, obv)

For everyone comparing it to killing spiders found round the house, I do think it's different to that. It's the cold, cruel, drawn out torture aspect that I find so troubling.

OP posts:
Maudlinmaud · 10/10/2017 09:24

I remember bending my sindy dolls legs the wrong way and my child minder scolding me severely, she asked how I would feel if someone bent my legs in that way.

I think some children just don't understand what they are doing or how it affects others it's an important lesson to learn.

ThePeanutGallery · 10/10/2017 09:31

It's the cold, cruel, drawn out torture aspect that I find so troubling.

That's the scary bit, but it's a bit hard to tell if it's a one off out of curiosity, or a sign of sociopatheic behaviour.

I remember throwing grasshoppers into spider webs to watch the spiders roll them up and eat them at around that age. I was curious. I also stamped on bugs. However, that's about as "violent" as I got when it came to animals.

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2017 09:35

And there are gleeful threads about killing spiders on here. I find them equally sad. If not more so-adults have absolutely no excuse.

existentialmoment · 10/10/2017 09:38

I remember bending my sindy dolls legs the wrong way and my child minder scolding me severely, she asked how I would feel if someone bent my legs in that way

Was she on glue? It's a fucking DOLL.

Maudlinmaud · 10/10/2017 09:43

I know existential Grin it's odd, I know it's a doll but there was a lesson in there too. Doll - Spider it taught me to play nice and introduced me to empathy.

Original poster
sparklewater · 10/10/2017 09:46

existential Yes, but in the same way as toddlers 'care' for their baby dolls (and we encourage them to do so) it's an opportunity for modelling good behaviour/thinking of others etc.

maudlin It is an important lesson! My concern is that it seems to have been shrugged off as 'something kids do' and that nothing will be learnt at all.

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Bubblebubblepop · 10/10/2017 09:48

I think this is just something some kids do and although torturing animals is a sign of sociopathy, that doesn't mean everyone who hurts animals/ insects is a sociopath

existentialmoment · 10/10/2017 09:49

existential Yes, but in the same way as toddlers 'care' for their baby dolls (and we encourage them to do so) it's an opportunity for modelling good behaviour/thinking of others etc

Good lord. They are toys. to be played with. If you are telling them not to bend them a certain way because people (who are not toys) would not like it then you are a fool who should be teaching children nothing at all.

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