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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Harvey Weinstein

993 replies

caperberries · 06/10/2017 09:17

Rumours have been circulating about this disgusting man and his sleazy casting couch for years... He has offered a half-hearted apology, but seems rather smug about the fact that his family are supporting him.

AIBU to think his wife is misguided? What sort of example is she setting to her daughter? After all, this isn't a one-off - it is a pattern of serious abuse of women over decades.

www.nytimes.com/2017/10/05/us/harvey-weinstein-harassment-allegations.html

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
quencher · 15/10/2017 21:23

have you read Mayim Bialliks article about this? Victim blaming at its best the whole article was irritating. It was all about "me, me, me , look at me at how great I am, how I managed to avoid sexual harassment, My horrible looks saved me and I am grateful, ha ha I am better than you, Kama etc" that is what I read when reading it yesterday. The women were the problem for being beautiful and what could they do if horrible men like Weinstein wanted to take advantage. Thank goodness she didn't fit the beauty standard and is able to play a part that fits looks. Blah! blah! blah!

Writing that article in the name of feminism is throwing the ball back to patriarchy for a game of catch.

HadronCollider · 15/10/2017 21:45

gorgeous did you miss out Eva Green? Scanned the depressing list twice didn't see it?

InigoTaran · 15/10/2017 21:49

This is currently trending on Twitter:

#MeToo

Me too.
If you’ve been the victim of rape, abuse or sexual harassment please tweet this.

We are done. It’s not ok. #MeToo

HadronCollider · 15/10/2017 21:54

I mean didn't see her name. I'm tired.

Also Mayim should do everyone a favour and STFU. What is she saying exactly? When I was SA at work, I was wearing a skirt past my knees, flat shoes, no makeup and was trying to do my best to blend into the furniture. What else could I do except not be a woman? For a woman who is always boasting about her education she says a lot of shite sometimes.

hollyisalovelyname · 15/10/2017 22:12

Hadron HW is the father of daughters.
It doesn't appear to have had any beneficial influence on his treatment of women, sadly.

gluteustothemaximus · 15/10/2017 22:24

#MeToo hashtag is great. I am so tired of accepting this is what women have to put up with.

I want this to open up the floodgates, and no longer accept this is part and parcel of being a woman.

limitedperiodonly · 16/10/2017 00:02

I cannot be bothered with men who say, 'but women do it too.' I'm even less fucked by women who say that.

annandale · 16/10/2017 00:24

I am genuinely pleased that Mayim Bialak has - I guess - never been sexually assaulted despite working in the entertainment industry. There's hope in that.

It is really, really horrible that she seems to genuinely think that policing her behaviour and her sexuality is all it takes to avoid sexual assault. I was assaulted at my own front door aged 40, obese, wearing a saggy old pair of jeans and a North Face coat. I did not deserve it any more than a beautiful woman in an evening gown enjoying her own looks deserves to have her tits grabbed or a penis rubbed at her. She is Jewish; so is my husband; Jews don't deserve antisemitism more, or less, if they have visible signs of their religion on show. I am sure that if someone pointed out to her that she is saying that women ask for rape, she would deny it absolutely. I wonder what she thought she was saying?

Datun · 16/10/2017 00:43

It's exceptionally common for men to talk about women sexually harassing men, too. It's absolute nonsense.

I genuinely think they have no clue.

It was an absolute lightbulb moment for me when I realised men did not go through any of this. I've always known it, intellectually, but just suddenly imagining it. On a day-to-day basis.

They do not clutch their keys in their hand going to the car, they don't scan the car park at night, they don't feel slightly uncomfortable in a lift with a lone man, however low-level it is, there's always the knowledge, they don't walk past empty train carriages in order to find one with people in it, preferably women, they don't feel a sense of unease if everyone gets off and they are left with a lone man, they don't care about booking unlicensed taxes, they don't pull their skirt down if someone's leering, they don't make detours past building sites, if a girl (miraculously) happens to cat call them from a passing car, they aren't worried that if they reply they'll get a mouthful of threatening abuse and possibly worse.

They will rarely have been raped or sexually assaulted, so it won't occur to them to worry when the plumber comes, or the delivery man.

Men aren't getting together in their droves to try and stop transmen from accessing their sport, or their private spaces.

They absolutely do not get it.

The sheer, mind blowing quantity of it.

And they really, really need to. Every time they say what about the menz the gloves come off and they get told.

lizzieoak · 16/10/2017 00:48

Mayim's article made me sad, the note was so off-key.

I was stalked when I was at university by a stranger for almost a year. I was scared to go home as he'd follow me to near my house and as my roommates were never in I was terrified he'd see where I lived and break in.

I told my mum's boarder and she said "that's what you get for being so pretty" (boarder was younger than me btw). Women need to get a grip on how they do or don't support each other - that includes thinking like Donna Karan and maybe Mayim that women's appearance has a role to play in sexual assault and harassment but also includes woman on woman bullying at work (which in my own life experience has been in the majority of places I've worked).

annandale · 16/10/2017 00:53

I do think men in some cases are constantly afraid of rape though. Look at Withnail and I, the fear of rape pervades it, it is deeply homophobic but also tied up with fear of not being masculine enough, that rape is the punishment for not being a man in some way that will only be defined after the event, too late. I guess we think that too.

Datun · 16/10/2017 01:02

annandale

I agree in prison, yes. But day to day? They have no reason to be afraid. They don't get predated on in the same way that women do.

They might feel afraid, that a homosexual man will hit on them, but it's an irrational fear. Not backed up by statistics.

HelenaDove · 16/10/2017 01:14

"They will rarely have been raped or sexually assaulted, so it won't occur to them to worry when the plumber comes, or the delivery man"

I need to add that its a higher risk to women who are social housing tenants. Who dont get to choose who attends a job in their home..............the HA does. Same for those who rent from private landlords.

HelenaDove · 16/10/2017 01:16

"They might feel afraid, that a homosexual man will hit on them, but it's an irrational fear."

Its the fear that gay men will treat them the same way they treat women!

Datun · 16/10/2017 01:20

HelenaDove

I live in the middle of nowhere. And the first thing I did when I moved here is get a dog. A loud, barky dog.

He goes nuts when the door goes and I make a big deal of shutting him into the living room - I'll just put him in there because he's a 'bit protective'.

Shouldn't have to do it. No one should.

GorgeousLadyOfWrangling · 16/10/2017 01:36
  1. Lysette Anthony - rape - London her home
  2. Asia Argento - demanded massage, forced cunnilingus - Cannes*
  3. Rosanna Arquette - attempted forced masturbation - Beverly Hills*
4.Jessica Barth - propositioned naked massage in return for opportunities - hotel suite
  1. Kate Beckinsale -interviewed her in his bathrobe - London*
  2. Zoe Brock - exposed himself/demanded massage/chased - Cannes*
  3. Liza Campbell - naked in bath during meeting - London*
  4. Emma de Caunes - exposed himself/told her to lie on bed - Paris*
  5. Cara Delevingne - asked her to kiss another girl, kissed her - hotel
10. Sophie Dix - demanded massage, exposed himself, tried to pin her down, masturbated in front of her - London* 11. Dawn Dunning - offered jobs in return for threesome - Manhattan* 12. Alice Evans - told her now husband's career would stall/HW wanted to touch her breasts (Evans and Ioan Gruffud were never offered another picture with Weinstein studio) 13. Lucia Evans - forced fellatio - New York office 14. Angie Everhart - awoke to find him masturbating - yacht (Cannes) 15. Claire Forlani - massage suggested, she rebuffed him 16. Romola Garai - interviewed her in his bathrobe - London* 17. Louisette Geiss - appeared in bathrobe, asked her to watch him masturbate - Sundance 18. Judith Godreche - demanded massage, pulled at her - Cannes 19. Heather Graham - he inferred sex for roles 20. Eva Green - groped, had to push him off, threatened her career 21. Ambra Guttierez - groped breasts - New York office 22. Angelina Jolie - unwanted advances - hotel suite 23. Ashley Judd - demanded massage, asked her to watch him masturbate - Beverly Hills* 24. Katherine Kendall - demanded massage, exposed himself, chased - his flat 25. Minka Kelly - offered her a $ lifestyle if she would be his girlfriend 26. Mia Kirshner - unwanted advances/inducements - hotel suite 27. Mylene Klass - offered a sex contract - Cannes 28. Laura Madden - demanded massages 29. Rose McGowan - (NDA) rape - Sundance* 30. Emily Nestor - offered her mentorship in return for sex 31. Lauren O'Connor - harrassment (NDA) 32. Gwyneth Paltrow - demanded massage - hotel suite 33. Sarah Polley - insinuated to her contracts for relationship - office 34. anon - rape - London office 35. Tomi-Ann Roberts - naked in bath - hotel suite 36. Melissa Sagemiller - demanded massage, blacklisted her - hotel 37. Lea Seydoux - lunged at her - Paris* 38. Lauren Sivan - masturbated in front of her in restaurant 39. Mira Sorvino - unwanted massage/chased - Toronto* 40. Tara Subkoff - pulled her onto his lap/blacklisted 41. Assistant - NDA ------------------------- 42. Zelda Perkins - not on record but potential settlement

Gretchen Moll's reputation ruined by blinds but claimed not to have ever met him.
Courtney Love advised young actresses not to go to the Four Seasons with him but said she herself was never a victim.
Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron and Sienna Miller stand in solidarity but said they were not harassed. Heather Graham did not go to a meeting when it was clear she'd be alone with him (he had already insinuated sex for a role at a previous meeting).
Felicity Huffman and Sienna Miller both coerced into wearing Marchesa at award ceremonies.
In the UK are five potential complainants, 3 assaults, 2 rapes.
US: four allegations of rape, and more than 30 of harassment.
Whilst legally Wankstain is innocent until proven guilty, the bloody numbers add up.

GorgeousLadyOfWrangling · 16/10/2017 01:40

(That was an update to the previous post)

Datun · 16/10/2017 01:41

With reference to people wondering why writing about misogyny seems to attract more misogyny in the shape of whataboutery and what about the menz, this woman, by dint of asking a question was subjected to the most abusive attacks online.

"Within an hour, I had received over 500 tweets, messages and comments saying the most vile and disgusting things to me. Some of them included rape threats and jokes about me being raped and killed. That I should have my head smashed in. That they wished they knew where I lived. That I should be struck off. I hadn’t actually said anything to them"

victimfocus.wordpress.com/tag/writing/

GorgeousLadyOfWrangling · 16/10/2017 02:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelenaDove · 16/10/2017 02:37

Good God

Pawpainting · 16/10/2017 03:45

Its the fear that gay men will treat them the same way they treat women!

OMG, lightbulb moment. This is so true

GorgeousLadyOfWrangling · 16/10/2017 04:18

Tomi-Ann Roberts - naked in bath during meeting 1984
Lysette Anthony - rape late 1980s
assistant NDA 1990
Kate Beckinsale - interviewed her in his bathrobe 1990
Louise Godbold - demanded massage early 1990s
Rosanna Arquette - attempted forced masturbation (''hotel + handjob'')
assistant NDA 1990
anon 'Sarah Smith' - sexual assault 1990s
Laura Madden - demanded massages 1991
Sophie Dix - masturbated in front of her 1991
Tara Subkoff - sexual harassment - 1992
anon - sexual assault 1992 (London)
Katherine Kendall - massage MO 1993
Florence Darel - indecent proposal 1995
Liza Campbell - naked in bath during meeting 1995
Mira Sorvino - received unwanted massage 1995 (Toronto)
Claire Forlani - massage MO 1996
Judith Godreche - massage MO 1996 (Cannes)
Gwyneth Paltrow - demanded massage 1996
Zoe Brock - massage MO - 1997 (Cannes)
Rose McGowan - rape - 1997 (Sundance)
Asia Argento - forced cunnilingus 1997 (Cannes)
Angelina Jolie - unwanted advances - 1998
Ashley Judd - asked her to watch him masturbate - 1998
Zelda Perkins - not on record but potentially settled 1998
Sarah Polley - inferred roles for sex 1998
Romola Garai - interviewed her in his bathrobe 2000
Melissa Sagemiller - demanded massage, kissed her 2000
Heather Graham - inferred roles for sex - early 2000s
Alice Evans - sexual harassment - 2002 (Cannes)
Dawn Dunning - indecent proposal - 2003
Trish Goff - groped 2003
Lucia Evans - forced fellatio - 2004
Angie Everhart - awoke to find him masturbating - yacht (Vienna)
Erika Rosenbaum - masturbated behind her (Toronto)
Lauren Sivan - masturbated in front of her 2007
Louisette Geiss - asked her to watch him wank 2008 (Sundance)
Sarah Ann Masse - interviewed her in his underwear - 2008
Lea Seydoux - lunged at her
Emma de Caunes - exposed himself 2010
Mylene Klass - indecent proposal 2010 (Cannes)
anon - sexual assault 2010 2011 (Westminster)
Jessica Barth - demanded massage 2011
Eva Green - groped, had to push him off, threatened her career
Emily Nestor - sexual harassment 2014
Ambra Guttierez - groped breasts 2015
Lauren O'Connor - harrassment 2015
anon - sexual assault - 2015 (Camden)
Cara Delevingne - asked her to kiss another girl, kissed her 2016

Minka Kelly - offered her a $ lifestyle if she would be his girlfriend
Mia Kirshner - unwanted advances/inducements - hotel suite

that's 51 people Sad
massage MO = bathrobe, exposure, request for massage, trapping or chasing Angry

www.vulture.com/2017/10/the-harvey-weinstein-sexual-harassment-assault-accusations.html
Jessica Hynes lost a role when refused to screen test in a bikini

HadronCollider · 16/10/2017 04:33

Bloody hell. I rather suspect that list has to be short by at least half the amount again. The ones suffering in silenceSad

HadronCollider · 16/10/2017 04:46

I need to add that its a higher risk to women who are social housing tenants.

Yes to this. We have a council flat, and we get no choice over who they send to do repairs. If I'm alone, I get no choice to ask for a woman plumber etc. One thing I HATE at the moment, and I hate coming across as prejudiced - is the fact that the trades people they send are often from other countries in the EU. Which I have absolutely no problem with in terms of the work. Work is always done well. BUT they feel no need to speak in English and I am often too intimidated to ask them to please only use English in the house and I don't know why but it's like I have less control, I can't read the situation and I feel even more intimidated. And of course they have not intention of doing anything, but I have strange men in the house plus I can't understand them. I have no idea what they are saying, (paranoid brain) and thus thinking around me, and it freaks me out. Guess I'm just extra sensitive. To clarifiy I've never had a problem. But I feel vulnerable and can't always ask DH to stay.

InigoTaran · 16/10/2017 07:18

Here’s an article about #MeToo, currently at 8,000 on Twitter....

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/oct/16/me-too-social-media-trend-highlights-sexual-harassment-of-women