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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ive accidentally ended up in a snobby clique

102 replies

user1495366815 · 22/05/2017 20:41

My son has just started at a new school. The moment I arrived I was welcomed by the school mums, immediately added to their Facebook group and invited to all their get togethers. I've been having great fun. There's a group of 6 of us and we are all professionals.

I never thought anything of it until I bumped into my neighbour while early to pick my son up.

She has been trying to make friends in the local area for years and told me she has never once been invited to any of this groups meet ups and when she tried to talk to them they only talk briefly.

She says they only make friends with people withprofessional jobs and who they consider of their standard.

I didn't actually believe this so when I saw the group again I said I was going to invite my neighbour to which it became immediately obvious only certain people were welcome in this group. My comment was met with 'she's only your neighbour though isn't she, not an actual friend'. They then suggested she had a mild learning disability.

I think my neighbour is right. They only want professional class friends.

I dont know what to do now. Would I be unreasonable to stay friends with the group? Or would doing so when they seem a little snobby be wrong? I don't know if it's just wanting friends with similar interests and life experiences or genuine snobbery.

OP posts:

ballerinabelle · 22/05/2017 20:43

Suggesting someone has a mild learning difficulty is horrible.

I think you know that hanging about with these people is not right

Iwantmoretimetomyself17 · 22/05/2017 20:44

I would challenge them as to why they have an issue with the fact she may have a mild learning disability.

So they are prejudiced against people with learning disabilities as well as snobby. They sound hideous.

Notevenwensleydale · 22/05/2017 20:44

It would put me off being friends with them personally as I hate snobbery or judging people for what jobs they do. But it depends on your personal feelings around it, if it doesn't bother you too much and your neighbour isn't a close friend then I don't see too much hard in staying friends with them if that's what you choose.

Msqueen33 · 22/05/2017 20:45

I don't quite know why you'd want to be friends with people like that. I understand we don't want to be friends with or like everyone but they don't sound pleasant.

TheMasterNotMargarita · 22/05/2017 20:45

They are horrible.

But you know that.

Start your own gang with your neighbour.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/05/2017 20:46

What a mean thing for them to say. I don't think it's about jobs as such, I think they just don't like your neighbour.

Why does your neighbour want to befriend them? Does she think they get on well?

CrispyBathTowel · 22/05/2017 20:46

The only thing that would bother me is suggesting the neighbour has a learning disability. What did they say exactly?

bigbuttons · 22/05/2017 20:46

Ask yourself:
Do they like you or your perceived status?
Would they like you if you had an inferior job?

Do you really want to be around people with such shallow values?

It's difficult when you have found people you have things in common with and whom you find easy company.

Any decent people don't dismiss people just because they might have a mild learning disability or who are not professionals.

LilQueenie · 22/05/2017 20:46

They sound up their own arses. Why not be brave and ditch them for this other parent who has been trying to make friends. She sounds more a friend tbh.

Tapandgo · 22/05/2017 20:46

Well, there is a clue to their personality in what they have said about others.....and it's nothing to do with their jobs. You need to draw conclusions from that.

Original poster

user1495366815 · 22/05/2017 20:47

I've not time for the mum who made the learning disability. However I don't want to judge them all based on her comment.

I've been hanging out with them for a while now and I'm a nice person. So maybe the other mums are too.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 22/05/2017 20:47

On one side they don't need to be friends with anyone they don't want to be. On the other it's horrible to mention or suggest if she has a learning disability. Have you noticed them behaving badly to others or is it just your neighbour?

There is nothing to stop you personally being friends with her as well.

ClarkWGriswold · 22/05/2017 20:47

I wouldn't be able to get past the chortling over a learning disability. They don't sound snobby, they sound vile.

TheWitTank · 22/05/2017 20:47

They sound like dickheads. Slow retreat and detach.

NavyandWhite · 22/05/2017 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smidge001 · 22/05/2017 20:49

I'm not sure snobby equates to the same thing as rating professionals over non-professionals. Snobby is about class and upbringing isn't it. I must say I tend to gravitate towards people I think I have more in common with, and given work is my life, people with similar jobs would automatically appear higher on my 'maybe this person might get on with me' list than someone wealthy enough to sah, or indeed someone caring enough to look after elderly parents or something. But the sheer fact that someone they DO get on with (you) has recommended someone else as a friend, yet they aren't willing to consider this person means they aren't worth much in my book. Either prove them wrong and educate them into opening yo their eyes to alternative lifestyles, or give them a miss.

notanurse2017 · 22/05/2017 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApocalypseNowt · 22/05/2017 20:55

Horrible people are only able to create snobby cliques because of the enablers who see their behaviour (or could if they really looked) but turn a blind eye because they are not being targeted.

OP - maybe the rest of the mums are all lovely and are inexplicably friends with a nasty piece of work however I think it's more likely they are a) either snobby grotbags too or b) enablers as described above.

ThomasRichard · 22/05/2017 20:57

I'm going to go against the general opinion and say that as long as they're nice to everyone, they don't need to feel obliged to make friends with people they don't feel they have much in common with. I have various friendship groups and in each we have something in common, whether it's work, children the same age, political leanings, school... The learning disability remark was horrible but it sounds like you don't like the woman who made it much anyway.

Doobigetta · 22/05/2017 20:58

But you said that you like them, and you've enjoyed spending time with them. As long as they aren't horrible to your neighbour, there's no reason not to stay friends with both her and the group. That comment was bad, but if you've otherwise liked being around them I think it would be a shame to lose out on that.

zen1 · 22/05/2017 20:59

I wouldn't want to hang out with a bunch of people with disabilist attitudes.

VinoTime · 22/05/2017 20:59

They then suggested she had a mild learning disability.

OP, please get away from this group ASAP! These are not good people. Arrange a day out with your neighbour instead.

Mrsmadevans · 22/05/2017 21:00

l think if you like them then carry on. You were perfectly happy before you spoke to your LD neighbour am joking you can have different groups of friends not just the one ....not everybody gets on . Your neighbour may have a chip on her shoulder.....

Goldfishjane · 22/05/2017 21:02

"There's a group of 6 of us and we are all professionals"

Professional whats?

Seriously, this would weird me out. I'm guessing you mean they won't be friends with a waitress for example? I find that bizarre. I get that everyone's entitled to make their own choices but my choice would be to keep out of a group like that.

redshoeblueshoe · 22/05/2017 21:04

What did you say when the woman made the comment ?
That's when you should have challenged her.

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