Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why people spend so much on weddings?

127 replies

malificent7 · 16/05/2017 21:28

Just been reading the hen do thread... that is before the actusl do.
Fair enough you can spend your cash how you want but i dont get why people want to spend thousands at the start of married life. Must be a status thing.
I rekon that a small intimate do would be lovely with a home made buffet and cake. A pretty dress dosnt have to cost a fortune.
But then im not married so what do i know?

OP posts:
Gingerbreadmam · 16/05/2017 21:32

i feel the same op.

Not that i could ever afford a fancy do but it's not really me or my family so would be stupid for us. If that is how you normally spend you time and can afford it though go for it!

I have been on many hen dos abroad and spent small fortunes for the bride and groom to be seperated within the year and one couple never even made it down the aisle.

Just went on my cheapest hen do which was a night out down our local town like days gone by and it was by far the best i've been on.

Ellisandra · 16/05/2017 21:32

A status thing? Hmm
What I spent (and will spend second time round) was entirely driven by what we want and what we can afford.
Nothing to do with "status".
You might want intimate, but we want all our friends with us.
So you do your thing, I'll do mine, I won't judge you - and you can quit judging me, OK?

flibberdy · 16/05/2017 21:32

Surely it's up to others what they spend their money on. They might prefer that to expensive holidays, car, private education... or maybe they can afford it all?
So, yes, YABU to question what others spend their money on.

NoMudNoLotus2 · 16/05/2017 21:34

I agree. My wedding cost about 7 thousand (divorced now) and I know if I got married again it would be a simple affair with minimal fuss.

My cousin just got married by surprise wearing a simple dress (not a "wedding dress") and the picture is of just them two locked in a kiss. No over the top families or fuss. Simple. Lovely. It really captures what it should be about - two people and their commitment /love for each other. Smile

YouWouldntLetItLie · 16/05/2017 21:39

I don't know. How come some people want to go on three-month adventure holidays around Asia when they could have a weekend in the Lake District? Why do some people insist on working at NASA when they could cover their rent by getting a teaching job? Why do some people buy chocolate Hobnobs when Rich Tea biscuits dunk perfectly well? It's a mystery.

WhooooAmI24601 · 16/05/2017 21:41

We spent a lot of money on ours. No debts, we had the money to spend and made it a day we loved. If we hadn't had the money we'd have done it cheaply and had just as lovely a day. The fact was we spent what we could afford. I don't see the need to judge anyone for making different choices to the ones I made.

The best thing we did though was hire a creche so that everyone could bring DCs who'd be entertained and they spent the whole day pottery painting, playing games on the lawns and having the time of their lives. DS1 was 4 at the time and he had a fabulous day; he did a bit of wedding food with us then buggered off back to the paints during the speeches and it was perfect.

LilacSpatula · 16/05/2017 21:42

NoMud how do you get married 'by surprise'? Lol

Owllady · 16/05/2017 21:43

It's to ppl what they want to spend

LilacSpatula · 16/05/2017 21:44

Spent 10k 1 yr ago and it was amazing - not as much as some people spend and not as little as some people do.

Like cars.

Or houses.

Or clothes.

It's all relative OP.

ShelaghTurner · 16/05/2017 21:44

Nothing to do with status. My parents paid for ours - totally their idea. We have a large family on both sides and so a small wedding wasn't an option. That was 20 years ago and yes I'd probably do it differently now, but at that time it was what we wanted. Nothing about it to 'get'. No debt was incurred, everyone happy.

PurpleDaisies · 16/05/2017 21:46

We spent a fair bit because we had a lot of friends and family we really wanted there. It wasn't a status thing. Confused

I wouldn't judge someone for having a small do and it's a bit off that you're judging someone for having a bigger one.

There's no way I could have sorted a home made buffet and cake while working full time.

Ellisandra · 16/05/2017 21:47

Do you have a car, OP?
I do.
It cost me 6% of my annual gross salary.
Interested in the ratio on yours.

loaferloveforyou · 16/05/2017 21:47

Personally I got swept up in it all. We spent stupid money and got so stressed when all we wanted to do was be married.

Still....it's only money and I only plan to do it once.

Instasista · 16/05/2017 21:49

We spent lots on our wedding- it was well worth it. A day in a lifetime.

No, a homemade buffet and a cheap dress wouldn't have been the same.

Plus all weddings I've been too which involve the above just look cheap and chaotic.

Ellisandra · 16/05/2017 21:50

Whereas as I'm actively trying not to have a very similar wedding second time round, because my wedding choices reflect my personality - which hasn't changed.

Wedding one - XH was a total passenger with no bloody ideas.

Wedding two - STBH is equally opinionated but has a similar personality.

Not everyone who had a big wedding first time round made a mistake or didn't understand what was important Hmm

BlondeB83 · 16/05/2017 21:51

I felt the same UNTIL I started planning a wedding! So bloody expensive! Confused

BlondeB83 · 16/05/2017 21:51

No regrets so far though!

Helloitsme88 · 16/05/2017 21:53

Well I spent 50k on mine. Best day ever. Money well spent.

sysysysref · 16/05/2017 21:57

Because they want to? A cake and homemade buffet really doesn't do it for me as a wedding reception but each to their own and a personal choice to do what suits each family

FreeSpiritJen · 16/05/2017 22:00

This thread isn't gonna end well LOL Grin

I think it's crazy too OP, to spend over 5 figures on a wedding, but it's up the the couple of course, and nothing to do with anyone else.

However, if the couple expect the parents to pay, and the parents are put under pressure because of it, OR the couple go into debt for it, then that's when it's unreasonable.

MommaGee · 16/05/2017 22:01

We self catered for a relative, it was bloody stressful. I didn't want to spend my wedding morning cooking drumsticks and making sandwiches. Must be crazy I know.
My dress was actually only 500 and I loved it
Intimate is great if you have a small family and only a few friends but some people like celebrating with their loved ones

Instasista · 16/05/2017 22:01

It's not really unreasonable to go into debt though is it? That's up to them. As long as they can afford to repay it what's the harm?

FreeSpiritJen · 16/05/2017 22:01

'Up the the couple' Confused

I mean 'up TO the couple.'

FFS I checked my post over 3 times before posting and STILL managed an error! Angry

susanboozan · 16/05/2017 22:03

Spending half a years salary or more on a wedding is your choice. If you want it and can afford it what's the problem?

The problem is those who are invited to the hens/stags/hotel/overnight may not be just as flush, and it can mean guests stretching themselves to fit in with the gig. Often at great personal and financial cost.

I do not attend weddings anymore except close family. Unless they are less than an hour away and I don't have to stay in a castle overnight for 500 quid a night and all the rest of it.

MommaGee · 16/05/2017 22:04

Its not unreasonable to go into debt for anything as its your life, just don't moan about repayments or poverty

Swipe left for the next trending thread