To not understand why people spend so much on weddings?

[malificent7]

Just been reading the hen do thread... that is before the actusl do.
Fair enough you can spend your cash how you want but i dont get why people want to spend thousands at the start of married life. Must be a status thing.
I rekon that a small intimate do would be lovely with a home made buffet and cake. A pretty dress dosnt have to cost a fortune.
But then im not married so what do i know?

[Code42]

A wedding is a day- a marriage is a life.

But if no debt is incurred, it's no-one else's business - and if debt is incurred, it's only the business of those involved anyway.

[nannybeach]

People being "sniffy" about getting married in a Register Office, well, getting married in church and white is hypocritical if you are actually living together, which seems to be the norm these days. Possibly you are all talking about first weddings, if you have 4 kids a couple of mortgages and are middle aged it all different.

[susanboozan]

@bakingdiva.

You are my wedding heroine!.

Few bridies think of the costs for the guests when organising the Wedding of the Year, but you had it covered. I like that.

[peachgreen]

I do worry about the "best day of your life" rhetoric though, only because I think it can cause a build up of really stressful, pressured expectation. My wedding day was absolutely wonderful because I was surrounded by my closest family and friends, I got to treat them all to delicious food and drink, and, most importantly, I married the most incredible person I've ever met. But I also had an absolutely horrendous cold, my husband had a chest infection, and at 2am I ended up crying outside our hotel because it was pouring with rain, we both felt so ill and we'd been locked out!

For me, exchanging our vows was the most special, intimate, happiest 15 minutes of my life and, barring the birth of children, I don't think it will ever be equalled. But I have had - and will no doubt continue to have - better days overall. (The day I met / went on an impromptu 12-hour date with my DH is still the best day of my life and probably always will be - it was magic.)

Don't put so much pressure on yourselves to make it the BEST DAY EVER!!! because then you'll be gutted if something goes wrong.

[peachgreen]

I think there's a big difference between people having expensive weddings that they can afford and people having expensive weddings that they go into debt for. Nothing wrong with people spending their money on whatever they want, so long as they can afford it. (I say this as someone who had a very small and cheapish wedding!)

[bakingdiva]

susan - some of the guests had flights so it cost them those, but everything else was covered, we paid for hotel rooms for people who wanted to stay over.
We had an afternoon ceremony and provide canapés and champagne afterwards, then a meal where all drinks were free and a buffet a midnight too.
We wanted people to be able to celebrate the day with us, without worrying about the cost

[jimijack]

Mine cost about 1k.
Yes a grand.
We were skint after buying our house.

It was fabulous. We didn't tell a soul until the week before.

Neither of us are ostentatious, quiet and reserved, it suited our personalities perfectly.

17 years of marriage, 24 years together, worth every penny

[niccyb]

If they have the money to then fair enough. Good on them. However I cannot understand those who haven't got the funds and get themselves into debt for one day. A friend of mine once spent £7000 alone on tableware and chair covers and she hasn't seen half the 200 guests since the wedding. The couple in question are divorcing now and still 'paying off' their amazing wedding day.

[Nancy91]

Ragwort of course my wedding day is going to be the best day of my life! I feel if your wedding day wasn't at least one of the best days of your life that's a bit sad. I have been with my partner for 10 years, so I guess all the days after the wedding will be similar to how they are now.

I feel that some people like trying to rain on people's parades. If you preferred to get married in a register office then that's great as that is what you wanted. The vows mean the same amount to me as they do to you, regardless of the venue. If I got married in a register office it wouldn't be what I wanted, it is our money and our choice and we want the big wedding day and I can't wait

[Ecureuil]

Ours didn't cost our guests anything other than the petrol to get there I guess.

[MoonDuke]

We spent 10k. Small wedding, 26 guests but at a Michelin star restaurant. At the time we were earning 125k. We could afford it. It was amazing and we regularly say we'd love to do it again.

We certainly didn't do it for status. Our friends all had more lavish weddings

[susanboozan]

How much did it cost your guests bakingdiva. If nothing, that's great.

[bakingdiva]

Dh and I spent nearly 40k on our wedding day so we could have exactly the day we wanted. We had friends and relatives coming from all over the world and we wanted to be able to give everyone a fab day to help us celebrate. My dress was one of the cheaper items (£600 including alterations), but we wanted to have a live band and a free bar which added quite a lot into the bill.
We've been married 7 years and it was one of the best days of my life, although I expect there are going to be other wonderful days too.....the birth of our dd was one of them.
We are both pretty successful and could afford it without going into debt so we did.

[Ecureuil]

Fair enough if you want all the bells and whistles but you don't need all that to have an amazing day!

No I completely agree, each to their own. I've been to some lovely small weddings and some lovely big ones. What I don't get is all the judgement over people who do want all the bells and whistles!

[NoMudNoLotus2]

Thing is you don't have to spend a fortune for it to still be one of the best days of your life! If I get married again it will be a small, simple affair.

Fair enough if you want all the bells and whistles but you don't need all that to have an amazing day!

[ApricotExpat]

Even if I had zillions, I still am glad we did small and private. We didn't feel the need to have an audience at something which felt rather personal to us.
However, we did have a big party a couple of weeks later - and I regret spending that money!

[susanboozan]

Pippa Middleton doesn't care what we think!

Moral.... she can afford it (or her family/future husband can anyway), so enjoy if your loaded, if not.... think it out again.

[KimKardashiansArse]

Ok haven't read the thread and barely read the OP . Just to clarify - I don't give a shit how much other people spend on their weddings, I just wish I'd spent the money on something more fun.

[Bumbumtaloo]

I personally think each to their own.

My wedding was on a Tuesday, only 20 guests - close family and friends, and BBQ in our back garden the whole wedding cost less than £1k. To me our day was perfect and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. To others it would sound like their worst nightmare, that's fine too.

[KimKardashiansArse]

I agree. I think our wedding was about £25k and I wish we'd spent much less. With hindsight, no wedding could ever have been worth that to me. It was never going to be "the best day of my life". I wish I'd got married at the registry office and spent the £25k on a stay at the Four Seasons in Bora Bora . Not joking either

[WhatToDoAboutThis2017]

Ecureuil You're absolutely spot on.

[Ecureuil]

I much prefer a small intimate ceremony where it's actually about the vows and commitment the couple are making

Why can't people see that it can actually be both? I wanted to make our commitment in front of everyone who was important to us. It doesn't mean I took my vows any less seriously just because we spent a lot of money (which we could afford without asking parents for money or getting into debt).
Honestly I really don't get the judging other people for having big weddings. There are so many more important things you can judge people for.
Also, I've noticed that people who spend a lot don't give a shit how other people choose to do it, but people who don't spend much really seem to be bothered about those who do.

[SusannahL]

I don't understand either op, but I'm sure there is an element of showing off involved.

I wonder if they are the same people bleating later that they can't afford to buy a property?

[styledilemma]

People have said to me its the most important day of your life, hardly. Its a huge deposit for a property.

I can understand the people who have grown up spoilt and wanting for nothing mummy and daddy pays for everything spending big bucks on their wedding - but for most couples - who are struggling and trying to make ends meet in the real world, that money could make a huge difference if put to better use.

[RainbowsAndUnicorn]

I think it is a status thing for some, for many it's simply a case of the woman dreaming of her big day and wanting to make it as big and showy as possible. I much prefer a small intimate ceremony where it's actually about the vows and commitment the couple are making.

The money would be far better spent on a house deposit or in savings for when children come along.