To not understand why people spend so much on weddings?

[malificent7]

Just been reading the hen do thread... that is before the actusl do.
Fair enough you can spend your cash how you want but i dont get why people want to spend thousands at the start of married life. Must be a status thing.
I rekon that a small intimate do would be lovely with a home made buffet and cake. A pretty dress dosnt have to cost a fortune.
But then im not married so what do i know?

[Figment1234]

I'm in the middle of planning my wedding... I am appalled at how much it seems to be costing, and trust me, I am not being extravagant (dress is £30 and shoes are from Shoe Zone!). But some of the venues... a ceremony venue which normally charges £300 for a half day hire is £1,200 if it's a wedding ceremony. I can now understand how these things spiral out of control.

[Lesley1980]

I think part of it is only doing it once (in theory) & making sure you get what you want or regretting it.

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

Our wedding cost £££ because we couldn't cut the guest list to under 100 people, we were generous with food and drinks and we didn't want anyone to incur costs beyond (UK) travel to come to our wedding.

My cousin still boasts about how cheap his wedding was but provided the bare minimum of food, a single glass of vinegar wine for the toast and expected everyone to pay £150 a night for a room (which I'm pretty certain subsidised their venue).

Overall I'd wager that our more expensive wedding probably cost less in total for everyone than his did - it's just we didn't foist the cost on our guests!

[RuggerHug]

Personally I don't understand it at all but am a very 'whatever you're into yourself' kind of person. As long as they're not expecting others to pay for it or getting into mountains of debt then go for it. Meh.

[OhTheRoses]

Costs very little to get married. Costs a great deal for a wedding. Priorities.

[MrsJamesMathews]

I am generally not a wedding fan. I get where you're coming from OP.

But I think it really does depend on the people involved.

I've been to my bff's expensive, traditional, big wedding and it was sincere and lovely.

I've been to someone else's (close relative) expensive, traditional, big wedding and it was all me, me, me. To start with, months before the wedding the bride says to an elderly relative "oh but wait until you see my wedding" Then the day itself was 5 speeches, many pages long, lots of hair swishing, colour coordinated relatives and a whole lot of meaningless materialistic bullshit. The whole thing made me want to throw up tbh.

[Babywearinggeek]

We had 70 guests + paid for all their hotel rooms (everyone had to travel because our families are scattered all over the place). It was the best day of our lives (tops our son being born because that was just a blur - he is the best thing that happened to us though..). Worth every penny. Ours wasn't flashy at all in my opinion. We just did fun stuff that we enjoyed. We walked from home to church and then on to reception venue. Had ice cream + a nice meal. We went on a boat ride (got married in the lakes) and then had bacon sandwiches. It was about sharing the start of our marriage with all the people that had supported us and continued to support us. It just happened to cost money! The logistics of doing it at home never would have worked. We lived in a 2 bed apartment at the time and our families wouldn't have had anywhere to stay before or after the party if we'd done it 'low key'

[weddingopinionsplease]

I can understand why - even small weddings code a fortune these days. On these threads you get people going 'reg office for £50' but at ours the cheapest is £214 for a basic ceremony and all the certificates.

Mine is soon, 40 guests, register office ceremony then a meal afterwards. Nice dress but no big meringue, no flowers, no car, no cake. Costing in the region of £1500 which, to me, is a lot. In wedding terms it is nothing at all.

[Underthemoonlight]

We spent 7thousand which is considered a small amount it was the wedding we wanted and for us it was something we were planning on doing once so was a special occasion, we never went into debt for it though.

[carbqueen88]

I got married this month - cost around 38k, why?
We're both successful and could afford it.
We had everything we wanted, some parts expensive, some parts inexpensive.

[expatinscotland]

I don't get couples who have kids, a house, one parent who's jacked in FT work to look after the kids, but then say 'We can't afford to get married.' What you can't afford to do is be a SAHP with a 'dp' without the legal protection marriage affords. Go to the registry house and do it for about £100.

[user1493630944]

YANBU and I am dreading the possible contribution we might be asked to make to DS's wedding. I hint hopefully at paying for a holiday for the couple, or providing towards house deposit. But in the end I know that if my future DIL wants a big extravagant do I will just have to go with it.

[Misswiggy]

That is good advice expat

[RoseandVioletCreams]

yes v true all relative some people choose experiences - holidays large weddings - others choose kitchens and cars.

we had no choice and no money we had a very small wedding and loved it.

I just hope people dont feel they have to spend a lot to have a great day - same with funerals really....I have been to lovely larger weddings and fabulous smaller ones, my only comment would be some larger ones can be a bit production line...

[Ellisandra]

What a strange thing to say.
Surely your son will be equally involved in the decision on the wedding?
And if you don't want to gift him money, don't.
Simple.

[RoseandVioletCreams]

YY expat absolutely.

[BuzzKillington]

It's all relative. Our parents paid for our wedding - so it was the whole shebang.

If you can afford it - who cares?

[MrsJamesMathews]

user you reasonable adult ever asked someone to contribute to their wedding. EVER!

That's just bloody rude in my books. And the phrase 'want doesn't get' springs to mind.

Adults who want a big party need to be prepared to pay for it themselves.

[YoloSwaggins]

I agree OP - it's one day and having the flowers match the table cloth and designer invites isn't important to me. I want all my family/friends to be there, and to have a nice dress and sick house DJ and sun. That's about it.

Was planning a registry office ceremony and the rest of it in my parent's back garden (I guess I'm lucky that it's large enough to accommodate a lot of guests). Would order catering but apart from that want homemade/shop-bought. I'd rather spend 5k on the wedding and 10 on an insane honeymoon, and the rest on the house, rather than blow it in 1 day.

But different strokes for different folks. If you can afford it then YOLO.

[switswoo81]

We spent 12,000 euro on 80 guests. People had travelled from Australia, the U.K. And all over the country. We wanted to give them a good time in return for the effort they put in. Cheap dress, no cars etcspent it all on food and drink and entertainment.
No debt. Lovely day.
Horses for courses....

[katienana]

My parents gave us £12,000 for our wedding. I know we are very lucky to have had that. We wanted a certain type of venue, and number of guests and that dictated a lot of the costs. I tried to save on certain things like making the place cards myself, only had one wedding car, sourced my.own vases for table decorations. At the end of the day it was a lot of money, but it was well spent in my opinion! The guests had a fabulous time and were well fed. I love weddings, not going to any this year and I'm sad, I love being a wedding guest especially if dh and I get a night away from the kids!
You.could spend that money on a kitchen or whatever and in ten years it looks old and you need another. The memories of my wedding day and all the others I've been to will live on, life would be very dull if we never celebrated, splashed out and enjoyed ourselves.
I wouldn't spend £1k on a hen though!

[MrsDustyBusty]

Yes, why give your friends and family a three course meal when a mumsnet chicken will do?

[RoseandVioletCreams]

@ Mrs Dusty

[Pouffealouffe]

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread but he 'car' example really got me...sorry how does that compare? A car is surely an investment you use on a regular basis? A wedding is a one-off and can be achieved on very little money? I just found that post a bit snarky and wished to express my frustration.

[Pouffealouffe]

the car