To not understand why people spend so much on weddings?

[malificent7]

Just been reading the hen do thread... that is before the actusl do.
Fair enough you can spend your cash how you want but i dont get why people want to spend thousands at the start of married life. Must be a status thing.
I rekon that a small intimate do would be lovely with a home made buffet and cake. A pretty dress dosnt have to cost a fortune.
But then im not married so what do i know?

[scaryteacher]

Ours cost £850 including my dress. Mil did the church flowers and pew ends for us. We had about 60 people there. Caveat, this was in 1986. It was however, just a day....marriage is much more than the wedding, and 31 years on, I don't remember that much about the day itself.

[Shootfirstaskquestionslater]

My mum and dad did their church wedding on the cheap my grandma made all the dresses and family friends did the buffet and made the cake my parents have been married 34 years this year. I will never understand why people spend 1000's on the wedding and then spend the same amount on the divorce a year later. My cousin got married after being with her partner 15 years they had an expensive wedding abroad a year later they where getting divorced because he wanted kids and she never would've thought that would've been something they had spoken about they had 15 years to discuss that one a year after the divorce he had met someone else and started a family and she was pregnant to a fly by night even though she wanted no kids.

[WhatToDoAboutThis2017]

I will never understand why people spend 1000's on the wedding and then spend the same amount on the divorce a year later.

I don't think anyone gets married with a view they'll divorce a year later

DH and I have been together 12 years, married for 5. We're happily married, but if one day we did ever divorce, I don't think either of us would regret how much we spent on our wedding.

[habibihabibi]

I was a bridesmaid for a friend whose wedding was so outrageously priced that she is still in debt thirteen years later and divorced after just two years.

TBH it wasn't even that lavish but if you insist on "everything " , costs add up.

[Ilikecheeriosyum]

It really depends on how important it is for you!

I'm not bothered about it so, yes I could afford a lavish wedding but I really don't see the point? It's not going to make the marriage any better, but! I would spend out on an awesome honey moon (without going into debt) because being debt free is important to me and a nice holiday, time together and memories are more important than one day!

some people have never worn a ball gown before and that's their priority, some people want to get it over and done so elope or get married quickly with no reception, some want everyone they know there, it's what's important to you :)

[Xmasbaby11]

Some people want lots of friends there.

And decent food and wine.

And a pretty place.

All these things cost. It really is a one off so if you can afford it I can't see the problem.

[anon1987]

Xmasbaby but let's be honest..the vast majority can't afford it.
The vast majority get into debt doing it or rely on parents to foot the bill.

[kel1493]

It's up to each couple.
We were only engaged 3 months and also had a baby on the way. So we got married in a registry office instead of a church, had the reception at the pub my dh worked in, had a buffet instead of a sit down meal. Had no hen or stag do's, and no honeymoon.
This meant we could pay for the cake and the car and flowers. And my dream dress.
Sometimes people make sacrifices to have what they want. If we had more money and time we would have had more. Not as a status thing at all, but because it was what we wanted.

[FrenchMartiniTime]

Everyone is different. What business is it of yours whether people spend £2000 or £20,000? Why do you care?

A cheap buffet and a back alley pub might be for you but some people want a bit more class

[HairyToity]

My parents paid for ours. They insisted. The wedding cost 20k and my parents earn a six figure income. They loved the day, and had all their family and close friends too. If DH and I had to pay for wedding it would have been smaller and cheaper, as that would have been what we could afford.

[Teabagtits]

What the couple decide to spend really is up to them but when guests have to fork out a fortune to attend I get really pissed off. My brother got married in Italy last time and the whole family went out and had a lovely time but they were divorced within a few years. He's getting married again but it's another big affair in the countryside which requires guests to do overnight stays and all that entails. My family aren't the type to accept 'I can't afford to go' as a reasonable excuse and it's extremely frowned upon to miss it (everyone falling out with me type response) because it's his (second!) big day. I honestly don't give a fuck about his day - he can give as many fucks as he wants about it

[Ragwort]

I am spending a fortune on mine as I want it to be the best day of my life and my partner's life, so everything has to be perfect.

Well what happens after the wedding day - if you have already had the 'best day of your life' - is it all down hill after that?

I am another one who finds most weddings very 'formulaic' and, dare I say it, boring. All that standing around whilst the photos are being taken, having to spend a fortune getting to some obscure location in the middle of nowhere and having to stay overnight; odd seating plans - I always seem to get put on the table of 'miss-fits' as I am supposedly good at talking to everyone (or perhaps I am a miss fit too ).

I had a home made buffet in a scout marquee in the back garden and it was fine - at least I am now at the age when I get invited to more funerals than weddings.

[BumbleNova]

if my personal experience is anything to go by, its bloody hard not to. Sodding everything costs an absolute fortune. for no bloody reason.

[nannybeach]

Cant compare a wedding to a house or a car! The house normally goes up in value. The wedding is one day, I am shocked at the idea that the "average" wedding now costs £25.000, People have said to me its the most important day of your life, hardly. Its a huge deposit for a property. I worked with a woman, who always looked ill, and about 20 years older than she was, husband suddenly became ill couldnt work, she was working night and day to pay for her daughters wedding, which lasted 6 months.

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

Also, people who say that they had home made buffets - that sounds really lovely but it just doesn't work for so many people.

I personally didn't want to spend the morning of my wedding making sandwiches and if I'd asked any of my relatives to help out it would have been carnage - my DM (wonderful as she is) can go into melt down putting out a couple of bowls of crisps, preparing a buffet to feed two whole large families would probably be the end of her.

[nannybeach]

agree with you absolutely scareyteacher.The amount you spend doesnt have bearing on "how important getting married is to you", it is one day, and you are right its the actual being married thats the important bit.

[TheNaze73]

This is a classic each to their own topic I think.

I think if two people are happy, it doesn't matter if they spend £5000 or £50,000 on a wedding & likewise if people don't want to get married at all

[paap1975]

I don't think anyone gets married with a view they'll divorce a year later

Well actually, a friend of mine told his wife to be he was gay before they got married but she didn't want to call the wedding off as she was so caught up in the whole wedding hysteria

[nannybeach]

Kel1493 you didnt get married in a "registry" office, they register land and property you got married in a "register" office.

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

Because a wedding to me is not just about the couple, but 2 families coming together and sharing that with their friends, it's a "family/community event", and as I would host just one of those, I was going to do it well.

The stressful job I had meant the idea of DIYing it would have been super stressful, and frankly feeding and providing enough booze for most people to get hammered for a group of 75 if going to cost a lot of money. A place big enough to comfortably fit them all in with a wedding licence is costly, unless I wanted everyone to go to the arse end of nowhere.

We spent £20k a decade ago on ours (so we paid, some from both sets of parents) 18 months later we bought our first home with a 25% deposit, it doesn't follow that people need to choose either/or. I suppose we could have had a cheaper wedding and take a couple of years off our mortgage, but frankly it's worth it to us more than a couple of posh holidays more in retirement.

[JiminnyCricket]

My wedding is in APril next year. Humanist ceremony in a village hall followed by a spoof 1940's ukelele band entertainment during the drinks reception with canopes while photos are done. Then a sit down 3 course roast dinner where the food is brought out to the tables and guests help themselves/ share. Baked camonbert to start, turkey and beef roast dinner, massive sharing pavolovas for pudding. Then speeches and after that the Uke band will do a stage set followed by my DP and his band for a bit most likely, or we'll ask guests to bring instruments if they play (very musical family on bth sides) and have an informal jam session.

Free bar all day, extremely relaxed and fun day generally and my dress is costing £300.

80 guests.

Total wedding cost? £10k.

DP and I are getting married 10 years to the day since we first got together, massively special moment for us and you're damn right we want to celebrate it properly.

But there will be nothing formulaic or cold or detached about my wedding at all and its no ones business what it cost. As long as the guests are fed and watered and having a good laugh, it's worth every bloody penny.

[JiminnyCricket]

Oh, I'll also point out that DP and I bought our first home with an 18% deposit 3 years ago. I'm 26.

[Ecureuil]

Because we had the money. Because we didn't want 'small and intimate'... we have large-ish families and lots of friends and wanted them all there. Because we didn't want it to cost said family and friends a lot of money, so we hired a large venue with plenty of accommodation (which we paid for), free bar etc.
It's only been 5 years but we're still very happily married and don't regret the amount we spent. No debt. Don't see why anyone else gives a shit how much we spent TBH.

[Ecureuil]

Oh and we've got a deposit for a property too (haven't actually bought one as we travel around a lot and haven't put down roots yet, but the money is there for when we do)

[styledilemma]

I am spending a fortune on mine as I want it to be the best day of my life and my partner's life, so everything has to be perfect.

Well what happens after the wedding day - if you have already had the 'best day of your life' - is it all down hill after that

Good point.