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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be slightly irritated by parents whose babies sleep through the night

154 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 12/05/2017 13:04

I should start by saying this is meant to be lighthearted, and of course I am delighted for all the parents getting all the sleep...

However... my DS, at 11 months, is showing no sign of sleeping through the night, and its starting to feel like he never will. I've spoken to two mums at playgroup this morning who breezily chatted about how their 10-week-olds slept 8pm-6am, and I was doing the smile and nod whilst internally screaming/sobbing. We've struggled with a dairy allergy and eczema, which are both much better now, but he wakes every 1-2 hours at the minute, wanting a feed, or his dummy back in, or a cuddle, or to just get comfy. Me and DH are starting to take on the look of zombies. Now before it's mentioned, I've no intention of sleep training, but I was hoping for some solidarity moaning from other similarly sleep deprived parents! How often does your baby wake? How are you coping? Are you planning to try to do something about it, or just ride it out and hope it gets better?!

OP posts:

ElspethFlashman · 12/05/2017 13:07

He's almost a year old and wakes every 1-2 hrs?

He must be absolutely shattered. Why on earth wouldn't you try some sleep training?

Original poster

InMemoryOfSleep · 12/05/2017 13:09

We're all absolutely shattered! To be fair, most nights he sleeps 7pm-10pm, but then it's every couple of hours after that. I'm not up for sleep training, mainly because I think he's waking because he's incredibly windy and it hurts him - often I'll pick him up or turn him over and he'll do a massive trump and then settle, so I'm not happy to just leave him when he wakes (although we do give him a bit of time to settle himself).

OP posts:

LilithTheKitty · 12/05/2017 13:10

If it's any consolation I had two DC who sleptt through from quite early and I thought I knew what I was doing until...enter stage right: DC3 the amazing non-sleeping baby . At 5 he still wakes up in the night occasionally. Cured me of any smugness it's pure luck whether you get a sleeper or not.

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 12/05/2017 13:10

Sleep training saved my sanity and produced 4 lovely well rounded adults.

Mine never slept through without it op so I totally get you

I was never a mummy martyr (not saying you are op) but sod that we all needed sleep and my kids were do much better after a good night sleep. It's also so dangerous to be driving while sleep deprived for you and your child.

KurriKurri · 12/05/2017 13:10

Yes it is massively irritating

My DS didn't sleep through until he was about 3 and a half. Now even as an adult he suffers from insomnia. I couldn't stand the smug 'mine slept through at ten weeks' folk.

Then I had DD and she slept through at ten weeks and I became one of the smug ones Mind you it took a lot of getting used to - because of my experience with DS I kept going to her in the night and poking her to check she was OK because I was so weirded out by having a baby who slept

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 12/05/2017 13:11

Ok so if it's wind he will fart without your help.

The more you go in and the more you do the more he will see night waking as being rewarded

Bettyspants · 12/05/2017 13:12

Op you have my sympathy! All three of mine were hourly breast feeders through the night until age one were i got a little more sleep!! In my sleep deprived state I agreed to try controlled crying (starting with one minute) which I found to be the most heartbreaking and regretfull advice- in the end with FB I stayed in her room and stroked or cuddled her without comfort feeding but by dc 3 I was co sleeping and feeding on demand which I wish I'd done from day one.

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 12/05/2017 13:12

And sgeee it's pure luck if they sleep all by themselves and it's fucking irritating when parents are smug

Bettyspants · 12/05/2017 13:13

Ugh *where

slh123 · 12/05/2017 13:15

I know the feeling 😰 my lg is nearly 7 months & wakes hourly! Walking zombie right here 😩

pikapoo · 12/05/2017 13:16

OP, if it's gassiness have you tried lower tummy massage before bed but also avoiding particular foods in the evening that can cause gassiness?

I agree with PP that at almost 1 year old, it is v unusual for your DS to be waking up this frequently - unless it's discomfort as you say. My DS was a gassy baby but we have been avoiding giving him beans and the like at dinner, and giving his tummy and legs a bit of movement before bath. He still gets a bit of wind but is usually able to expel it by himself by turning and moving around in the cot.

It may help you all get some sleep if you try and separate and deal with the wakings by cause, if possible.

Good luck!

Wecks · 12/05/2017 13:18

Yes of course their children sleep because they are good parents and you are a Bad Mother.
That's how it feels when smuggyMcSmugface people tell you their baby slept all night from birth.
Mine were both like yours. You get used to it and do what you need to do to get the most sleep.
DS2 was about 8 when he stopped getting up every night

Witchend · 12/05/2017 13:18

Some children are born sleepers, some achieve sleepiness and others have sleep thrust upon them.

Dd1 slept 12 hours from 8 weeks. Never woke less than 12 hours and would sometimes go to 14 hours. She also slept 3 hours in the afternoon.
So when dd2 came along I did exactly the same. She was given medised (now banned) at 18 months because her idea of sleeping was around 8-10, 11-1 (or 2 on a good night) then party til about 4am.
Medised is the most wonderful stuff. 1/4 teaspoon and she slept 12 hours. It was partially habit though as I think I gave it to her two nights running, then she slept 10 hours usually. If she had a week of beginning to wake at silly times then I'd give her medised for one night and she'd go back to sleeping properly.

Ds I tried to do the same routine as dd1. He was a morning person though, so it didn't really work. I'd be desperately trying to keep him awake for another couple of hours at 5pm so he wasn't up too early in the morning.
He wasn't a bad sleeper when he didn't have an ear infection or tummy ache from the antibiotics. Unfortunately he had an ear infection every 10 days from around 10 weeks old until grommets at 20 months. So he'd sleep okay on day 1. Day 2-4 in pain from ear infection and more awake than asleep. Day 3 waking with pain about every 2 hours. Day 4 he'd start tummy ache from the antibiotics and again spend most of the time awake until he finished them on day 7-8.
He'd then sleep well for day 9-10...
I think he'd have been a sleeper like dd1 if he hadn't had ear pain.

MiddleagedManic · 12/05/2017 13:19

Just here to give you a hug. We didn't get a full night's sleep til age 6 yrs due to eczema and allergies. I pretty much hated all other parents who got sleep through those years. It is horrid and really hard work and very few people will truly understand.

Find allergy and eczema support groups and persist with doctor/hospital appointments.

I hope it doesn't last too long. hug

Nquartz · 12/05/2017 13:19

My DD (5) still wakes up sometimes now & didn't sleep through until 13 months. She was worse when I went back to work at 11.5 months, she would wake up loads more on a Sunday night because she bloody knew I was at work the next day

furryelephant · 12/05/2017 13:20

If we've had a bad night I deliberately don't go to any baby groups the next day, partly as I'm exhausted and going out is the last thing I want to do, and partly because if anyone mentioned how well their baby slept I'd cry or try and swap the babies

Original poster

InMemoryOfSleep · 12/05/2017 13:22

@Wecks that's it exactly - I feel like they know something I don't! Or I'm just a crap mum and totally cocking it up! We were hopeful that eliminating dairy would solve things, and it has massively improved his wind, but it still seems to be an issue. He's also been teething which has been miserable so not helped matters. Thank you for the advice all, and a for all the parents in the same boat (thank you for making me feel less shit!)

OP posts:

Rumblemumble · 12/05/2017 13:24

My DS has just turned one and still wakes 1-2 hourly for boob.. I think I've just got used to to lack of sleep and semi-function but then he had a 'bad night' and it's breaks me..
we already cosleep and he refuses all dummies and comforters so just praying better sleep is round the corner..everyone says it get better after then turn 1 right..?

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 12/05/2017 13:24

Witchend

Your first paragraph should be put on a placard for all patents it's bloody fantastic and so so true

isupposeitsverynice · 12/05/2017 13:24

My daughter wasn't interested in sleep training. All it did was teach her to scream louder. I thought she'd never ever sleep properly but when she was three she cracked it with a gro clock and blackout curtains. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Wnpa · 12/05/2017 13:25

Are you breastfeeding? Mine didn't sleep through the night until I stopped completely at around 11/12 months- my son was particularly bad with waking every hour for a feed, which I knew he didn't need at this point! It took 2 bad nights before he realised there was no milk at night and from then on he's slept through.
Even if you're not breast feeding, at 11 months you can stop giving milk at night- that might help with the wind too?

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 12/05/2017 13:25

Op you are not a crap mum at all

Original poster

InMemoryOfSleep · 12/05/2017 13:25

@MiddleagedManic thank you, that's incredibly kind of you to be so supportive, you brought a tear to me eye

OP posts:

Yorke00 · 12/05/2017 13:26

OP I feel you- our 11 month old is also showing no signs of sleeping through and me and DP are trudging around like zombies. We've even tried sleep training- didn't work!

Heirhelp · 12/05/2017 13:26

My just one year old sleeps through as long as I hold her all night. Well she wakes but easily snuggles back down.

She was never a great sleeper and from 4 months she completed reversed cycled and then at 6 months would take over an hour to go back to sleep to then wake up 30 to 45 minutes later.

We are stuck cosleeping.

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