To be slightly irritated by parents whose babies sleep through the night

[InMemoryOfSleep]

I should start by saying this is meant to be lighthearted, and of course I am delighted for all the parents getting all the sleep...

However... my DS, at 11 months, is showing no sign of sleeping through the night, and its starting to feel like he never will. I've spoken to two mums at playgroup this morning who breezily chatted about how their 10-week-olds slept 8pm-6am, and I was doing the smile and nod whilst internally screaming/sobbing. We've struggled with a dairy allergy and eczema, which are both much better now, but he wakes every 1-2 hours at the minute, wanting a feed, or his dummy back in, or a cuddle, or to just get comfy. Me and DH are starting to take on the look of zombies. Now before it's mentioned, I've no intention of sleep training, but I was hoping for some solidarity moaning from other similarly sleep deprived parents! How often does your baby wake? How are you coping? Are you planning to try to do something about it, or just ride it out and hope it gets better?!

Slight confused by this when you ask do they know something that you don't- yes, they know that sleep training will improve the quality of your baby's and your sleep. There is a simple answer to your problem.

@Wnpa yep still breastfeeding, sometimes he wants a feed but he can often resettle without it, so I don't think that's causing him to wake, but I'm trying to be firm and not offer a feed between 10pm and about 3-4ish to try and encourage him to sleep. He's dramatically reduced his feeds in the day though, so I do wonder whether he's topping up a bit at night?

Thanks @DoggyMadMum but they haven't sleep trained, their babies have just slept well from day one! As I said before, I'm not up for sleep training as I'm not convinced it would work in our situation (and also I just don't really like the idea of it full stop).

It's not you, it's the baby! DD1 slept 12-13 hours from 8 weeks. DD2 is 20 months and still up at least once but more like 2-3 times a night. DD1 who is now 8, still loves her bed. Ignore smug people who think they are superior parents because they get sleep. I did nothing different with my 2 and they are like chalk & cheese when it comes to sleeping. Just do whatever it takes to get some sleep. In our case, it's just letting her sleep with us whenever she first wakes, which can be anything between 9pm & 4am!

18 months old here and not sleeping through. I think you do get used to it eventually. And when we have a really bad night because of teeth or a cold it makes me realise how 'good' it's gotten compared to the beginning. It's still so crap though!

Mine is nearly 3 and still doesn't sleep through the night - wakes up at least once or twice, often more. We have just got used to it - I really don't feel that tired most of the time now. And it's better than it was - he wasn't a much better sleeper than yours at about the same age and went through lots of patches of being a terrible sleeper. So have faith - it will improve, albeit probably slowly, and possibly not completely for ages.

I, too, found the mothers of sleepers-through impossibly smug and annoying - until I worked out that in most cases they just didn't know any better and assumed therefore that it was something they were doing/I wasn't doing that meant their angels slept for 12 hours or whatever; as a few people have pointed out, it's really just luck, and when parents have one of the other type then they appreciate that you can do any amount of sleep training with a bad sleeper and they will STILL be restless/regress etc. I hope anyone who says it isn't "normal" at this age has done their research and isn't talking simply from their own experience/the experience of the people they know.

There's no one simple "sleep training" thing you can do that'll make all babies sleep well. Otherwise there wouldn't be 41,352 books and sleep consultants and whatever else. There'd be one book, we'd all own it, and nobody would be walking round like a zombie at baby group trying not to punch the smug cow who trills "oooh, I wouldn't put up with that in my house! I need my sleep, me!"

OP. It does get better! (Eventually, but it DOES.)

Op- contrary to what pp have suggested it is not 'extremely rare' for a very young child to be waking so frequently. With regards to sleep training if this involves 'controlled crying' or 'cry it out' I completely share your views. One would not leave an adult crying - why a child?! With hindsight I'm sure my breastfeeding on demand during the night contributed to a waking through habit BUT that was my way of coping and providing easy comfort which enabled me to get through work each day! There are several more gentle sleep training methods which involve you being with the baby and comforting but not talking which may work .

Btw my 6 year old still sleeps in our bed....he only wakes up once or twice now!!

@isupposeitsverynice dear god THREE?!! Two more years of this?!! Wow, you must be made of sterner stuff . I'm not up for sleep training, and it's interesting to see a couple of posts saying it didn't work; I should say it's not like we run in the second he wakes, he does sometimes pop his dummy back in, or turn over and resettle, so he can do it on his own!!

I imagine my 10month old won't sleep until she gives up boob at night. I've tried rationing it but at the moment I'm going down the whatever gets her back to sleep quickest route

cry it out is not sleep training

Surprised you think it is as being with a baby and gentle comforting while not talking or offering milk is sleep training. That's what you are doing now

That was to Bettys post

DC1 has just started reliably sleeping through at 40 months !!!

DC2 still wakes every 2-3 hrs. He's 16mo.

FF, no intolerances or allergies to explain it. I've attempted sleep training both of them at great personal emotional and physical cost for both me and DP and no discernable improvement. I won't be trying again. Don't anyone dare tell me I didn't try. Waste of time and everyone's tears in my experience (although I appreciate that it has worked for PP, I wouldn't recommend it).

I will join you in resenting the peaceful sleepers and those who have cracked it. It's small comfort, but whatever gets you through. Hang in there.

Oooh I hate the smugness but I can't help but think that A LOT of these babies who "sleep through" have parents telling porky pies 🐽

My DS1 was like yours (we did sleep train him in the end, successfully, but very gently and slowly). I once had to sit on my hands to avoid slapping a woman in our postnatal group who complained her 3-month-old son slept through the night but woke at 6am, which was too early for her. At that point I was getting 2 hours in the evening, awake all night, then 2 hours 5-7am. YANBU.

I should add - I wasn't even doing CIO, just encouraging self settling never worked for us!

I'm 100% with you op. I have 12 week old DD2 who is bf, andoes a couple of 3 hrs chunks of sleep at night and then nothing good at all. Was at the doctor this week for jabs and another mother looked at me like a was a speck of dirt when I told her (she asked-hers had slept 10pm-8am the night before). I nearly gave her a sharp left hook.

DD1 didn't sleep through until 23 months, and now at 3 does 7-7 and a 2 hr nap. And is a genius . I remember tinkly smug playgroup mummies telling me I just needed to make sure she had enough to eat in the day and a nice routine at bedtime. Nearly got violent there too (lighthearted, before I get flamed....). I also asked a mother of an 11 month old recently how her sleep was-she said it was fine until I told her mine was up once an hour at that stage-she then crumbled into tears and admitted hers was too.

Solidarity OP. Sod the smug perfect mummies, it's the baby, not us.

It's ok. My DD is now 4 nearly 5 years old & still doesn't sleep through the night. YANBU I die a little inside each time I hear about other people's DC who sleep through. Hope it happens soon for you x

Oh man I have to be honest here and say that at 18 months I told dh she was his problem now. If it had been all on me I don't know what I would have done, murder-suicide probably, I don't cope well with tiredness! The other problem with dd was that she toilet trained at two and then refused to wear a nappy at night so obviously had to get up to wee. So I say keep them in nappies at night time if at all possible! She's the only child I've known personally to be such a terrible sleeper, if it's any consolation?

I have 5dc and the age they slept through varied from 4m to 14m. All were breastfed. 14m sleeper was a twin and his sister slept through from 6m. Which I felt was proof it was them not something I was doing. He was just needier! I never 'sleep trained' any of them except in the most basic of ways of winding down with dim lights and a story before bed and working to stop DTS falling asleep on the breast as he was unable to settle himself without it. All my DC are at school now and sleep all night in their own beds (mostly, they sometimes cosleep with each other!) and it's all just a hazy memory, which it will be for you one day OP.

Defiantly it gets better op try to hang on to that I know it's not much comfort but it's true.

I'm with you. My sleep deprived brain like to imagine poking them in their well rested shiny eyes.
Bastards.
Single mum, 2 year old and 6 week old. Waking every 1-2 hours and no chance of a nap through the day.
I with ya sista

Some children are just good sleepers, sleep is a skill and some master that skill earlier and some need more time, just like walking, talking, writing etc. As parents we can help but some children just need longer to figure it out.
My DS was a nightmare sleepwise til about 12/13 months. We did sort of controlled crying - go in after intermittent periods. Then one night he just slept through and he's now 3 and he's done it ever since. Not had a single problem with sleep since it just clicked!
My DD is 18 months and she slept through from about 10 weeks. If she was my first I would probably have been a smug bastard about it but as she's my second I know that she just 'got it' earlier.

What I'm trying to clumsily say OP is I totally get it, it's fucking soul destroying hearing about all these sleeping babies. Maybe you need to change how you approach your son's wake-ups to help him along but he will get there eventually - take any and all help you can get for more sleep and hang on in there! You're doing a fab job!

It's not you.
So called sleep training was around 21 years ago. It didn't work.
What got us through was having the baby in my bed and the toddler (who still didn't sleep) in another room with DH. Somehow some of us got some sleep some of the time.