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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly irritated by parents whose babies sleep through the night

154 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 12/05/2017 13:04

I should start by saying this is meant to be lighthearted, and of course I am delighted for all the parents getting all the sleep...Grin

However... my DS, at 11 months, is showing no sign of sleeping through the night, and its starting to feel like he never will. I've spoken to two mums at playgroup this morning who breezily chatted about how their 10-week-olds slept 8pm-6am, and I was doing the smile and nod whilst internally screaming/sobbing. We've struggled with a dairy allergy and eczema, which are both much better now, but he wakes every 1-2 hours at the minute, wanting a feed, or his dummy back in, or a cuddle, or to just get comfy. Me and DH are starting to take on the look of zombies. Now before it's mentioned, I've no intention of sleep training, but I was hoping for some solidarity moaning from other similarly sleep deprived parents! How often does your baby wake? How are you coping? Are you planning to try to do something about it, or just ride it out and hope it gets better?!

OP posts:
DoJo · 12/05/2017 14:02

Have you described his symptoms to your GP? Mine have both had reflux which has taken the form of bad wind at night and has improved with meds.

InDubiousBattle · 12/05/2017 14:02

Awww, you're not a bad mum op! My two dc are "good sleepers" I think, ds slept through at 12 weeks, then at 7 months started waking every 90 minutes until we sleep trained at 11.5 months, barring illness has slept through every night since. Dd started going 10-6 at 6 ish week, reintroduced a night feed at 4 ish months which gradually got later until she was sleeping through at maybe 10-11 months. Pure luck? No. We sleep trained! I'll see you smug sleeping baby patents and raise you ' I never get any sleep I'm a zombie.......but no way am I sleep training like you because it's fucking cruel'-parents! My friend will talk endlessly about how exhausted she is (and she is) and how lucky I've been and it's all I can do not to say 'stop feeding your 18 month old every sodding hour and sleep train!!' But I don't say it......I'm good.

ohfourfoxache · 12/05/2017 14:08

This might have been suggested already, but have you thought about trying something like gripe water? I used it with DS when he was a little baby (so less than 11 months) but he was really gassy and I think it probably did help a bit.

Also infacol before milk, but again DS was a bit younger than yours at the time.

We also used to use cooled boiled water, but still warm, to help get rid of gas. I wonder if trying to get rid of as much gas "up the way" as possible might prevent discomfort at night?

Please don't feel like a crap Mum, you're just like the rest of us: doing your best. Oh, and even though DS slept through from about 4 weeks, we have had tremendous difficulty getting him to eat (he's on the 9th centile and can't afford to lose much). So we all have to deal with something, it's just very unfortunate that yours happens to be sleeping Thanks

(Please don't think I'm being flippant, just trying to explain that lots of us feel crap about something, whereas the reality is that we're actually doing fine).

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 12/05/2017 14:10

@Preggocinders you've really made me laugh Grin I cannot imagine how tough it is being a single mum, I'm in awe of you and your strength to do it alone - I am lucky to have a hugely supportive DH, and I'm not ashamed to say there is no way I could do this without him!

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 12/05/2017 14:10

My 3.5 year old doesn't sleep through so I hate everyone Grin

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 12/05/2017 14:11

@DoJo we ruled out reflux as he doesn't seem to have any other symptoms to suggest it other than wind, but I'm starting to wonder whether it might be worth a try.

OP posts:
FleasSitOnPeas · 12/05/2017 14:12

My kid was the same at that age, I think it's not uncommon in breastfed babies but you have my sympathies. Mine is 16 months now and is slightly better. Slept until 6 twice in total, but this did involve refusing milk from 12 - 6 in the weeks prior and those were rough weeks. Now if he does any stint past 12 I'm lying there awake waiting for him to cry so I actually sleep better once he has joined us in our bed. I can't win! If you're consistent with the times you won't give milk they will pick up on it eventually. Good luck.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 12/05/2017 14:13

@ohfourfoxache thank you for the tips, and no absolutely don't think you're being flippant; I know every parent has their struggles, and we're incredibly lucky in so many ways to have an otherwise healthy, happy little guy. I'm trying to just think, in the grand scheme of things it's such a short period in our lives, and it will get better!

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 12/05/2017 14:14

It will get better, I promise.

But whilst you're going through it it's utter hell Thanks

Jollypirates3 · 12/05/2017 14:15

My ds 2 is 2.5 and still wakes 2 or 3 times a night. Like your dc he had extremley bad full body eczema. It is better now apart from the ocassional flare up but i believe it is a learnt behaviour. He got used to waking up and its hard to break that habit!

Also its not unusual for kids to wake up. Im sure most people wake up for water or the loo. They just need some comfort to go back to sleep. When i wake up for the loo etc i always snuggle up with dh when i get back into bed and im an adult so what about kids?

ALemonyPea · 12/05/2017 14:17

I was that smug parent whose 2 DC slept from 8 weeks old from 8-8 every night apart from the odd teething night. They also had two 2 hour naps a day.

Then I had DS3. He didn't sleep through until he was 15 months, then was up from 5am ready to start his day. He is 8, and still a very early riser.

Sympathies Op, hope you manage to get him back to sleeping better.

Dentistlakes · 12/05/2017 14:22

Neither of mine slept through completely (so 12hrs without waking) until hey were over 2. This is why I never shared the details of their sleeping habits as I knew I would get lots of 'well meaning' suggestion of sleep training etc. I knew I didn't want to go that route so there wasn't any point discussing it.

Some babies sleep and some don't. Just like later on some children are academically inclined and some aren't. Children are just different.

Onestepawayfromtheshoeshine · 12/05/2017 14:25

I feel for you OP! DC1 was a brilliant sleeper, DC2 however was the complete opposite, waking several times a night till 18 months. To be honest I'm not sure exactly what changed to help with their sleep, maybe a combination of stopping bf and learning to self soothe but the started sleeping through. DC2 still has the odd week of bad sleep, but generally is ok. Ironically DC3, who is 3 months slept through last night, but I was up several times with DC2...

boatyroo · 12/05/2017 14:28

Don't have any advice OP, but my son is 1 next week and sounds exactly the same as yours! He gets terrible wind that he doesn't seem to be able to get out himself.
I stopped feeding him so much at night, thinking he might stop waking so often but it hasn't made much difference except he now eats a little more in the day. Still wakes just as much. Very occasionally will sleep 7-12 now, but usually it's 7-10 before waking more frequently.
Fingers crossed it won't last forever!

mummabearfoyrbabybears · 12/05/2017 14:31

It's a lot to do with the individual baby and not your parenting. It's just other mums making you feel bad. By baby number four I was so over listening to other people. I've had sleepers and wakeful night feeders. Just think about all the extra cuddling you're getting. It won't last forever. (Can you tell that my last baby is starting school this year and I'm struggling Sad).

LBOCS2 · 12/05/2017 14:33

Argh, I do feel your pain.

There's three years between DD1 and DD2. And it was DD2 that slept through first...

Preggocinders · 12/05/2017 14:40

Op I think it's hard going whether you are on your own or not.
I think you need to be kinder to yourself, you are doing an amazing job.
Have you had your ds tested for any other allergies? I ask because my dear nephew is allergic to all sorts of things, ranging from giving him a windy bottom to severe reactions. Sometimes an intolerance to something like soya or gluten could cause his windy tum through the night and keep him awake. I know that's what the problem was with DN.
Worth a thought anyway.

MarcelineTheVampire · 12/05/2017 14:46

My DD is 18 months and still
Doesn't sleep through- I feel your pain.

Ecureuil · 12/05/2017 15:34

I'm envious of all the people on here whose children started sleeping through at 18 months, or 2, or 2.5. That would be bliss!

FanjoForTheMammaries · 12/05/2017 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackteasplease · 12/05/2017 15:42

I had a situation with dd that was bloody annoying until she was about 5, and sleep training was no help.

She would kick off the duvet in her sleep. She would then make moaning noises still in her sleep becuase she was cold. She didn't wake up so didn't pull the duvet back on. But the noises would wake me. Even in another room.

I had the choice to get up and put the duvet on or leave her cold in the hope she would eventually wake up and put the duvet back on. I tried the latter a couple of times but she didn't seem to wake, just moan. I couldn't sleep while she was moaning. So i had to opt for getting up and covering her over.

Tried every possible combo of things to tie the duvet on etc but nothing worked.

At about 5.5 this stopped - she either started waking a bit or got used to being cold - but at the time it was a nightmare. Regular broken sleep with a 5 yo!

DS (3) doesnt do this thank god!

StrawberryMummy90 · 12/05/2017 15:51

blackteas why didn't you put her in a sleeping bag so she couldn't remove it? I've seen some that go up to 6 years!

ElspethFlashman · 12/05/2017 15:57

Or fleece pyjamas with a thermal vest! (I may have done this with DS - even in summer - before he twigged he could pull up the duvet)

ElspethFlashman · 12/05/2017 15:58

I do agree with you though OP that having a non sleeper who is a dream during the day is probably better than the opposite!

Ecureuil · 12/05/2017 16:12

blackteasplease DD2 did this so she goes to bed in fleece pyjamas and a vest now! Works a treat.