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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly irritated by parents whose babies sleep through the night

154 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 12/05/2017 13:04

I should start by saying this is meant to be lighthearted, and of course I am delighted for all the parents getting all the sleep...Grin

However... my DS, at 11 months, is showing no sign of sleeping through the night, and its starting to feel like he never will. I've spoken to two mums at playgroup this morning who breezily chatted about how their 10-week-olds slept 8pm-6am, and I was doing the smile and nod whilst internally screaming/sobbing. We've struggled with a dairy allergy and eczema, which are both much better now, but he wakes every 1-2 hours at the minute, wanting a feed, or his dummy back in, or a cuddle, or to just get comfy. Me and DH are starting to take on the look of zombies. Now before it's mentioned, I've no intention of sleep training, but I was hoping for some solidarity moaning from other similarly sleep deprived parents! How often does your baby wake? How are you coping? Are you planning to try to do something about it, or just ride it out and hope it gets better?!

OP posts:
bangalanguk · 13/05/2017 20:16

If you are still feeding him when he wakes up this will give him a reason to wake. He shouldn't need a feed in the night now. Sleep training isn't just leaving him to cry. I used to sit near the cot initially and gradually withdrew from the room then just returned to reassure until DS dropped off. It only took 2 nights. Best thing we ever did.

Nocarbsorsugar · 13/05/2017 20:24

Smile slept well from the off. I put it down to having exactly the same routine in the womb as he got when he came out ( he came to work with me).
It was really irritating that every other mother thinks that a) think you are making it up or b) you are being smug.
TBF I worked from 7 am to 6pm so both DS and I were tired anyway - but it wasn't down to his waking patterns.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 13/05/2017 20:27

2 delightful children who followed the eight week rule. Dg 3 still wakes. Sleep training is for the first part of the night. After 12 feed them milk or take them to bed with you. Both work for me. Good luck. X

Minxmumma · 13/05/2017 20:33

No wonder you are tired. I'd be miffed as well - all babies differ, what you feed changes everything as I have found out this time, go with your gut for your little one. ((Hugs)) before you know it you"ll have a bed hugging teenager to move!
I have 4 dc. 3 dd and 1ds. The eldest slept like a peach from 12weeks, the twins are boy/girl she slept he didnt until he was about 10! Just didn't need it. All of them were formula fed. Little miss is nearly 6months and ebf and goes 7.30 to 3, quick feed and back down until 6 but my alarm wakes her then.
I tried to sleep train ds but it was a total waste of time and caused me more stress than enough.

weeowl · 13/05/2017 20:52

Mine was exactly the same at that age, like you I wasn't prepared to do sleep training, but desperately needed sleep as I was going back to work, so we started co-sleeping. We had a futon in spare room and DH and I took alternate nights taking her through. She just wanted that reassurance/comfort and would sleep for much longer stretches. Ignore the "rod for your own back" comments - you do what you have to do and in the grand scheme of things it only lasted a few months. Dd is now 2 and only recently started sleeping through although it's not every night (sorry!)

So no, you're not alone and quite entitled to hate the smug sleepers with their "Oh you just need to..." comments! I'm due no2 in a month and hoping for a sleeper... but if it doesn't happen I'm prepared for the worst and will know it's just down to luck, not me!

SeriouslySomething · 13/05/2017 20:57

My 4 month old sleeps better than my 2 year old. We have tried everything (bar controlled crying/ sleep training) he has been to the osteopath this week (for something else but she said it may help his sleep too)
I'm not sure what to say apart from it will get better...

GreenRut · 13/05/2017 21:00

My dc1 slept through from ten weeks and I remember announcing this with glee at every opportunity because it clearly had everything to do with what an amazing parent I was. I'd nod sympathetically when other mums bemoaned their non sleepers, offering 'helpful' advice.

Next child didn't sleep through till 18 months and next one still doesn't and she's 3.

Yours, Not So Smug Grin

plonkie · 13/05/2017 21:04

You are being a brilliant mum by responding to his needs. It does suck though. I think some kids are more sensitive than others. My ds is 19 months, teething (fucking teeth!!) and wakes sometimes every hour. They're just wanting a cuddle, that's all. We bed share and it's brill.

londonrach · 13/05/2017 21:10

Op....worry not dd slept through from 3 months (occasional night she woke 3/4am) until now... (8/9 months). Last month or two its been. Ever hour....every single hour...i was lolled into a since of false security. Collapsed due to physical exhaustion yesterday. I can tell you those mums are not telling you the total truth. Do you see them every day or they drugging their children. Im going with the not telling you the truth!!! My dsis is just recovering from 8 years. Of lack of sleep!

firsttimemum15 · 13/05/2017 21:11

Over here over here 15 months and still wskes and wont do a whole night in own cot.

Comes in our bed at first wake up but i feel my oh coukdve done more. More bight feed even though bf. More pytring to ved. More sympathy and undetstanding/getting up to let me lie in. He just says hes tired too and i want to punch him.

How can someone who snores all night be tirex. Oh soeey he says he wakes up. Didums coz he rolls over and goes bk to sleep.

belgina · 13/05/2017 21:13

It's perfectly normal for babies to still wake at that age. With my last 2 I would have had a little celebration if they only woke 1-2 times a night! They were rubbish sleepers.
I have 4 dcs: 1 slept through from 6 weeks (freak)
The rest were 5, 3.5 & 4.5! I had adopted co-sleeping with dc3, because sleep training completely didn't work with her. I tried 3 nights of CC and she just cried louder. In fact, I think it caused so much stress that it made her nights worse for a long time.
I nightweaned dc1 at 10m, but it only fixed sleep a tiny bit (from waking each sleep cycle to 3-4x a night), cc didn't seem to cure him either. So sleep training isn't the miracle cure people make out, tbh. It's all personality.
Personally I found it much easier to cope with broken sleep if I just accepted it and understood that that is part & parcel of parenthood. The no-cry sleep solution book has a good section on normal sleep patterns in babies and toddlers.

belgina · 13/05/2017 21:16

And fwiw, that dc1 is now 15yo and barely seen awake. I think he's overcompensating for his early childhood Grin

Heatherbell1978 · 13/05/2017 21:19

I totally relate. To be fair DS (2.5) sleeps through and has done from 1 but wakes early - anything from 5 to 6.30am. I'm now up bf DD (10 wks) through the night and shattered. Best friend has a 2 yo who has slept through from 6 wks and is basically perfect. Needs woken in the morning, never cries, eats everything, naps well and generally happy doing everything. I feel like our experiences of being parents are completely different and it does irritate me, I love my children with all my heart but sleep deprivation really plays with your sanity.

Grenoble124 · 13/05/2017 21:25

11 months here. We co sleep. Wakes a few times for boob. Generally falls back asleep quite quickly but we have some moochy nights with teeth etc. I am tired a fair bit but lucky enough to be a SAHM so it doesn't really matter.

AsMuchUseAsAMarzipanDildo · 13/05/2017 21:31

Fuck! I feel your pain. 5 month old has literally slept for 4 hours on 2 occasions in her whole life. The rest of the time, she's gone no more than 1.5 hours.

Have been doing Pantley NCSS and then gradual withdrawal since forever...and they've made bugger all difference.

The smug fuckwits who boast about how their 5 week old sleeps through are bad. However the worst are the ones who chastise any mum who even considers the most gentle of sleep training. I saw one recent reply to a mum who was desperate to help her baby sleep longer. It went along the lines of "Mine didn't sleep through until 2 years old and I just got on with it"...then..."Personally I was prepared to be a 24 hour parent, being a mummy doesn't stop at nighttime you know". What's the betting her baby woke once in the night, not hourly! Hmm

Frazzledmum123 · 13/05/2017 21:32

If it helps, I was said smuggymcugpants, my baby slept through from a week old! But it's come back to bite me on the arse as now at 5mths she's regressed into a flipping nightmare Sad no idea why apart from being told it is quite common at this age (please say they come out of it again)

Should have known better mind as she is my third and the other two were awful. They got better though eventually too

Someone once said that everything is a phase, just keep reminding yourself of that Flowers

BigGrannyPants · 13/05/2017 21:45

YANBU that's totally allowed! My first DS was a great sleeper, great eater and generally a very happy, placid baby and other parents were always Envy then my twins came along an they are nothing like my first... wild, noisy, don't sleep etc etc I think it's karma

Staypuff · 13/05/2017 21:51

Have you tried gripe water op? Makes my ds trump like a trooper.

Randomer234 · 13/05/2017 21:54

I have a 3.5 year old who doesn't sleep through he too has a dairy allergy, asthma and eczema. He is also autistic so sleep isn't on his radar. I feel your pain. No suggestions Cus you can only go by your child. I hope and prey your little one sleeps through for you soon ☺️

weeowl · 13/05/2017 22:05

Also didn't help that my antenatal group was made up of born sleepers and the type of placid babies that just roll over and accept it after a couple of attempts at cc, whereas any attempt to leave the room and come back sent DD utterly hysterical and more awake than ever. Some babies are just more high maintenance than others... BUT my hyper-alert nap-fighter has a feisty personality, is really sociable and speaks in full sentences at 2, which makes her much more interesting to be around plus impossible to ignore at nursery etc!

frozenfairy123 · 13/05/2017 22:14

Feel your pain! I sleep trained ds1 at 14 months as a last resort and it was amazing. Until then he was up every hour feeding. I was told that by feeding him all night I was not giving his digestion time to recover and that's what was giving him more wind.
With ds2 I'm in same rut of waking every hour and at 16 months it's killing me. Im going to sleep train soon but I need him to be well and not teething.

Get so frustrated with anyone getting more sleep with me and the smug ones may never understand how depressing it is to function day after day with minimal sleep. Everything is much easier when u are refreshed xxx

Jamjoanna2011 · 13/05/2017 22:34

Both my boys woke 1-2 hourly till about 18 months. They are both much better sleepers at 3 and 5. They are early birds but that's how it go's!! There will be no number 3!!!

fruitlovingmonkey · 13/05/2017 22:39

YANBU, I have a one year old who still wakes up many times in the night. I hate when people ask if he's sleeping through the night yet and I then have to stare vacantly while they give me unwanted advice when I really want to pull childish faces and swear at them (I'm looking at you, MIL!). I've agreed with DH that when ds finally does, I can leave the in laws a charming voicemail, singing "he slept through the motherfucking night, are you happy now?". I say agreed, perhaps DH is slightly less enthusiastic than I am.
As a pp pointed out, I'm in my 30s and I don't sleep through. I often wake up for a drink of water, a trip to the loo, to rearrange my bedding, a good wriggle, a cuddle, etc. IMO people expect too much of babies.

LaurieMarlow · 13/05/2017 22:46

For the love of God sleep train! Waking that many times is night isn't good for either of you. I've no idea why people put themselves through it.

Frazzledmum123 · 13/05/2017 22:47

As if to prove my point I'm up with baby for the third time already!!