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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly irritated by parents whose babies sleep through the night

154 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 12/05/2017 13:04

I should start by saying this is meant to be lighthearted, and of course I am delighted for all the parents getting all the sleep...Grin

However... my DS, at 11 months, is showing no sign of sleeping through the night, and its starting to feel like he never will. I've spoken to two mums at playgroup this morning who breezily chatted about how their 10-week-olds slept 8pm-6am, and I was doing the smile and nod whilst internally screaming/sobbing. We've struggled with a dairy allergy and eczema, which are both much better now, but he wakes every 1-2 hours at the minute, wanting a feed, or his dummy back in, or a cuddle, or to just get comfy. Me and DH are starting to take on the look of zombies. Now before it's mentioned, I've no intention of sleep training, but I was hoping for some solidarity moaning from other similarly sleep deprived parents! How often does your baby wake? How are you coping? Are you planning to try to do something about it, or just ride it out and hope it gets better?!

OP posts:
Mermaidinthesea123 · 13/05/2017 22:56

My son slept through the night from the word go. I was a 21 year old young mum.
I did not enjoy it. I lay awake worrying that he was birth injured and would grow up with learning difficulties.
He didn't but still likes his sleep at 34.
It's just the luck of the draw, me and my youngest sister were exactly the same, the middle one was a bloody nightmare and kept everyone awake for 5 years.

sailorcherries · 13/05/2017 22:57

My DS will be 7 in July and doesn't sleep through.
He sleeps from around 9.30 - 1amish and then once back in bed until 5amish and then until 7.30-8ish.
He never has slept through, I have got full nights sleep when co-sleeping but he still woke.
My sister was a bit like that and eventually settled around 8 or 9.

I have possibly tried every sleep training technique for months at a time and nothing has worked. I feel your pain OP Wine

AprilShowers16 · 13/05/2017 23:01

Right there with you OP. 10 month old DS wakes every 2 hours (occasionally 3 if I'm lucky) and more often sometimes. I feel so grumpy towards mums with babies that sleep through. Having a baby must be easy if you get a good nights sleep! Like you I don't want to sleep train though so we do some co sleeping to get us through the worst of it. I do love all the night time snuggles though I hope I get one of the sleeping ones next time 😆

hopeful31yrs · 13/05/2017 23:08

Was smug after my first slept from 5/6 weeks. My second hasn't by any stretch of the imagination and at 6 months is still all over the shop with no discernible routine. He did have colic and reflux and I'm blaming that and not the fact we're older and less tolerant.

Sagggyoldclothcatpuss · 13/05/2017 23:21

My child sleeps through because she was born win a serious heart condition and was too week to feed. She was given a feeding tube. From a few days old she was fed regularly day and night down the tube. She was never hungry and never woke up at night a/ because she was so weak and b/ because she was always full. I on the other hand fed her every two hours day and night and pumped mik for up to 8 hours a day.
I'll take my night sleeper and be smug. I went through hell and back for the privilege! Grin

sailorcherries · 14/05/2017 00:34

Just had to put DS back to bed. He literally wakes a little, comes to find me in my room and gets plonked back in to bed. The whole process is no more than 5 minutes but it then takes me a further 30 minutes to fall asleep again, if I am asleep before he wakes up.

FastForward2 · 14/05/2017 01:51

I always ignored everyone who said their baby slept through the night at 6 weeks because I knew it would not last.

My oldest first slept through for one night at least on the day I introduced cheese into his diet, so I think it was the extra calories or protein in the day which did the trick. or it may have been coincidence.

Anyway, more high-calorie and/or high-protein food during the day could be something you could try. It did seem to start him sleeping better. I think I mashed the grated cheese into whatever vegetable mush he was having that day, it was a long time ago. I was, like you, very sleep deprived, and only breastfed, no bottles too tired to sterilise.

Have you tried gripe water for the wind, after food? is he feeding immediately before sleep, if so maybe he needs to be upright and/or moving around for a while before lying down?

Op You seem to have stopped posting - have you gone to sleep? Wink.

Habeebtea · 14/05/2017 04:06

My two are 7 and nearly 5 - both wake up now only once a night normally for a drink or just to see where we are. Both go back to sleep straightaway though. I don't know why they do it they just do and nothing has worked. We've just learned to deal with it now.

LittleLionMansMummy · 14/05/2017 05:32

6mo dd went through a phase of waking every 1 to 2 hours a few weeks ago. It lasted about 10 days and damn near killed me. You sound like you're doing brilliant op, considering! I have a friend who says her 12 day old sleeps through. Of course I hope it lasts for her but I seem to remember dd doing similar as a newborn! I count myself lucky she usually only wakes once for a feed now.

HomityBabbityPie · 14/05/2017 05:41

To be fair most 6 and 8 week olds who sleep through won't keep doing so - they change constantly. My niece slept through from 8 weeks - 12 months and from then til now (she's 2.5), wakes a few times a night.

My DS at 14 mo sleeps through fairly consistently but we still have the odd bad night when he's teething etc.

There are gentle sleep training methods! Sleep deprivation is bad for both of you.

FatLittleWombat · 14/05/2017 06:16

You don't need to let him cry, but you can work on getting him to sleep for longer stretches. Night weaning is a good place to start as bf during the night gives a strong incentive to wake up.
Remember that it's not just you who's tired after a broken night, but your baby will be exhausted too.

lostlalaloopsy · 14/05/2017 06:32

None of 3dc were good sleepers. The earliest any of them slept through the month was 10 months, but dd didn't manage till about 18 months. My 5 year old ds still usually gets up to come into bed with us even now! But every other baby I came into contact seemed to sleep all night from about 6 weeks!!! It still seems to be amazing to me now!!

I did try sleep training but it never really worked. I have read on here about cranial massage for babies to help them sleep, might be worth a try? Good luck, lack of sleep is so hard going!

differentnameforthis · 14/05/2017 08:21

Hey op...this too will pass. If he goes off to sleep by himself at bedtime, and again when waking at night, he probably doesn't need sleep training. Just remember not to offer food only water, when he wakes, so he doesn't think he has something to wake for.

Saying that, my youngest is almost 9 and still wakes in the night, for anything up to 2 hours. Sigh....

differentnameforthis · 14/05/2017 08:23

Oh and on top of that, unaided, she can take up to three hours to fall asleep!

Elendon · 14/05/2017 09:01

My DD2 slept through the night since birth. She only had an hour nap during the day though, so swings and roundabouts.

It's frustrating when they wake constantly, I feel for you, but there are some great suggestions on here. I'd try them out if I were you.

Elendon · 14/05/2017 09:03

And yes, I was still exhausted, despite the unbroken sleep. Babies and toddlers are hard work.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 14/05/2017 12:09

@FastForward2 aargh no I hadn't gone to sleep, lol Sad DS has now also decided to stop BFing, so we're having a bit of a battle! He's refusing feeds during the day, but will feed at night Confused so now I'm in the position where I don't want to refuse him night feeds (although he's only having 1 or 2) because he's not getting the milk in the day. It's never simple is it?! I've dealt with nursing strikes before, but this has gone on since Friday and I'm at a bit of a loss.

OP posts:
HomityBabbityPie · 14/05/2017 12:11

It'll be a vicious circle though because if he keeps getting all his calories at night he won't feel hungry in the day.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 14/05/2017 12:13

@differentnameforthis yep exactly, that's one of the reasons we're not considering sleep training, as he usually goes off to sleep quite happily on his own first thing, and is sometimes able to resettle himself when he wakes. Which is what makes me think he's uncomfortable when he can't resettle. He often doesn't really seem to want me or DH there, doesn't want to be held, just seems upset and can't get comfy.

OP posts:
Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 14/05/2017 12:15

@HomityBabbityPie yep exactly, I've been reading about reverse cycling so I think this is what's happening, although not sure what's triggered it. I'm just keeping on offering boob and hoping he eventually takes it. To be fair he eats a really varied diet, and at nearly one he probably can manage without BFing, it's just a bit sudden!

OP posts:
Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 14/05/2017 12:27

@LaurieMarlow what technique do you suggest when you say 'sleep train'? I think we probably do what is classed as a 'gentle' method, i.e into cot when sleepy but awake, letting him fall asleep by himself, returning to shush/pat/pop dummy back in if he can't resettle in the night. Is there a technique you think would work better? I'm not happy to leave him to cry, partly because, as I've mentioned, he's waking in pain due to wind (and possibly another undiagnosed food allergy, we're waiting on a dietician appt but it seems like he'll be about 18 before we get one Confused)

OP posts:
Tallulahoola · 14/05/2017 12:33

It's the luck of the draw. Some babies just sleep brilliantly from early on. Neither of mine did. DS was the worst, and very much like you describe. I sleep trained at 13 months. Within a few days he was sleeping 12 hours straight. Sorry, I know that isn't what you want to hear.

SheRasBra · 14/05/2017 13:33

OP, both our DC had dairy allergy so I breastfed for a long time but did find that even if I had dairy that would set them both off and make them gassy. Could that be it in part?

Also, I'm sure you're onto this but dairy allergy (if it's milk protein allergy) and soya allergy often go hand in hand. We were steered towards soya substitutes until we found they made DD much worse.

Good luck. I feel your pain. We co-slept with both so I could BF while half awake.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 14/05/2017 13:37

@SheRasBra yep I'm also dairy free as it definitely makes him worse when I have it (and I miss cheese more than words can even say Grin). We're really careful with soya as well, but it's a sneaky one - we noticed it's in his porridge the other day Confused

OP posts:
Hmmalittlefishy · 14/05/2017 14:31

Laurie did you rtft? How many parents saying how irritating and actually pretty useless it is for people to rock up and say 'oh just sleep train'!
Op I'm with you- and all of you. Ds1 I thought compared to all the other babies was late to stop waking - he was 11mths so it ay all
Ds2 we are currently trying yet another technique at age, 4
Ehile ds. 8mths is now waking every hour only going longer next to me