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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wants another baby 18 months after this one?

130 replies

TheBlushBaby · 10/05/2017 09:25

My partner and I wanted children for a while but only recently had the fantastic news that we were expecting our first.

I've love my pregnancy, and I'm currently at 25 weeks.

Anyway, I asked when we might look at having another baby after this one, and he confidently said within 18 months of this one being born. I'm really happy that he wants another one soon, but what are people's experiences with this sort of age gap between two children?

We discussed having live-in help with the children, so I'm not worried about having enough help. I just wanted to know what other difficulties we might run into or the strain it may put on my body?

Is it a good age gap between children?

OP posts:
Movingin2017 · 10/05/2017 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoseGoldProsecco · 10/05/2017 09:27

Let him talk - but wait until you have one and see how you feel!! You might love it all and be desperate for another. You might be so exhausted you can't even contemplate it for a year or two. You might feel that one is enough. You just can't know until the baby is here!

Congratulations Flowers

selsigfach · 10/05/2017 09:28

See how one works out first - I think you're worrying prematurely. I think it's recommended to wait 18 months between birth and falling pregnant again to give your body a chance to recover.

Jollypirates3 · 10/05/2017 09:29

My 2 eldest are 18 months apart. And just had another baby. So age gaps are 18 months between my eldest. 2.5 years between the youngest and 4 years between the eldest and youngest.

I dont have any friends or famiky to help. Never had a child free evening since my eldest was born apart from when i went to hospital in labour for my 2nd. 3rd baby was born at home.

It is EXHAUSTING! But i love it.

If you have the help you will be fine.
18 months age gap is quite common. They will be close but equally annoy each other aswell! Mine are like twins!

Congratulations by the way.

X

Nicemil1 · 10/05/2017 09:34

My older 2 are 16 months apart and it worked incredibly well they are close now aged 26/27. I think it's easier closer together as thry play together.

Then 9 years later we had twin dds!

The lads worshipped them and helped immensely.

Still see how you feel after the baby is here.

ProudConservative · 10/05/2017 09:36

Does he mean 18 months birth to birth or 18 months birth to TTC?

We did the latter as a couple of years apart seems like a good gap. I'm amazed anyone has the energy for sex with a 9 month old and certainly don't know how they have the desire to have another baby.

I firmly believe that most people start thinking about another child when the previous one is becoming easier and you forget / block out just how exhausting and tough the first 0-12 months are.

We had live out but full time help after my maternity leave ended.

diddl · 10/05/2017 09:36

Does he mean an 18month gap or trying for another before PFB is 18months old?

Mine are 21months apart-we were aiming for 2yrs so didn't do too badly!

I think that a lot of people start trying again when the first is about 1 don't they?

BillyButtfuck · 10/05/2017 09:37

We have 13 mo twins and are starting to plan having another one (or two Grin).
I really don't think you can start planning these sort of things until after your first is born though, just focus on and enjoy your little bundle for now.

minipie · 10/05/2017 09:38

I'm not sure if you're talking about an 18 month age gap, or getting pregnant 18 months after birth so a 2.3 yr age gap?

We have a 2.4 year age gap. It works well now (they are 4.5 and 2) but it was very hard at the start. I think an age gap of 2 yrs 8 months or bigger is a lot easier - it's only a few months but those few months make a big difference to what your older one can do.

An 18 month age gap is often pretty tough on the body, unless you're young (20s) and fit and healthy.

HeyCat · 10/05/2017 09:40

We were advised to wait one year before trying for a second baby, but that was partly because I'm an older mum so less resilient. If you're younger and generally healthy you may recover from birth more quickly.

But tbh wait and see how it goes, and don't feel you need to make any decisions yet.

beekeeper17 · 10/05/2017 09:46

It's hard to plan for having two now when the first isn't here yet, although it is definitely good to agree how many you would both like (in an ideal world obviously as sometimes nature has other plans for us), and maybe have a bit of an idea if you'd like them close together or have a larger age gap. But you may well change your mind once the first comes along.

I have one child and we're expecting number 2 with only a 13 month age gap. No advice for you as number 2 isn't here yet but I'm sure we'll cope even if it will be a bit crazy. Sure some people have twins in their first pregnancy and I think that must be harder than having 2 with a small age gap.

I have quite a few friends with about an 18 month age gap (between births) mainly because I'm late thirties and people don't tend to hang about much at this age if they want a second. Yes it's hard work, but good fun too!

MusicToMyEars800 · 10/05/2017 09:47

My dds are 5 and 7, It's lovely having them close in age, they keep each other company and play, but they also fight like cat and dog and make the most amount of mess together, It is hard work but I wouldn't change it for anything. I've never had any help other than my OH.

Original poster
TheBlushBaby · 10/05/2017 09:49

I believe he meant 18 month age gap (birth and birth), he said he wanted another baby within 18 months. So pop this one out in August (maybe early September), and then another one pretty much asap.

OP posts:
HomityBabbityPie · 10/05/2017 09:49

Before I had my DS I wanted four children with less than 2 years between each.

Now he's here I don't want any more, ever. Even if at a push I did have another, a small gap is my worst nightmare.

I would wait and see how you find it!

Original poster
TheBlushBaby · 10/05/2017 09:52

Just to add - I'm in my very early 20's so it's not like there is any rush, it's just a preference I suppose.

I'm excited for another one, but I wanted to space them out since I'm young and might feel like having another one in my 30's.

OP posts:
notomatoes · 10/05/2017 09:54

I will have an 18 month age gap when this one is born. All I can say is.... tired. Soooo tired. And it's not even here yet.

Things change, opinions change. Especially once the reality is here. My DP didn't want any more kids ever whilst I was pregnant the first time, and now he's more excited than me (only because he's not as tired, lucky git). So maybe focus on experiencing life with 1 rather than other's experiences of two to begin with?

imip · 10/05/2017 09:54

homity I had 4 dcs within 5 years - gaps of 19, 20 and 22 months. It's generally great! But I do joke that I had them all before I realised that I was doing - that might be slightly true Grin.

They are all now between 5 and 10 and all at primary school!

I do agree with waiting to have one and see how you feel....

newbian · 10/05/2017 09:55

I delivered via c-section and was told not to get pregnant again within 12 months. So...your DH is just fantasizing at the moment, wait until you've had the first one and you can have a real discussion after a few months of sleepless nights.

HomityBabbityPie · 10/05/2017 09:55

I had 4 dcs within 5 years - gaps of 19, 20 and 22 months. It's generally great! But I do joke that I had them all before I realised that I was doing - that might be slightly true

Hats off to you, I couldn't do it!

I think it sort of depends on your personality too, I'm a huge introvert so I can't bear being with another person 24/7.

imip · 10/05/2017 09:56

The problem with spacing them out too much is that you are always in the 'kid zone'. I can see the benefit of having them relatively close together. I had mine from 35-40, so had a long time child free.

Mummyme1987 · 10/05/2017 09:56

This reminds me of the Michael McIntyre sketch about people who don't have kids!
Seriously though see how it all goes first and revisit after Baby is a few months old. Parenthood is quite a shock.

tootsietoo · 10/05/2017 09:58

17 months between mine. I wish I could tell you how it is, but I can't remember the 3 years of my life from when the first was born.

Wink
1bighappyfamily · 10/05/2017 09:58

Agree to wait and see how both you find it. Don't be making any firm commitments now.

My two are 16 months apart and I love it. My first wasn't even walking when the second arrived so I really did have two babies to begin with - just with very different needs! The first 6 months were tricky mainly as DD2 wouldn't sleep, or stop feeding but we got through it and now, they're great pals, into the same things and life is great.

I think a big age gap is also good as the eldest is more self sufficient but later on, it can be complicated as doing things as a family are harder when you have a teenager and an under 10 to please - I see that with my in-laws.

But as everyone has said, take your time.......you don't know what you're going to feel like when this one arrives!

MissBax · 10/05/2017 09:59

I think this post is about a year too early. This is your first, noone can predict how things will be after first baby. He might realise it's a handful and not be so keen. You're only 5 months pregnant with first and already saying you're "excited for another one". Give it time!

GreatFuckability · 10/05/2017 09:59

I had 15 months and then 17 months, so a total of 2 years 8 months between all 3. It was hard work when they were little. REALLY hard at times. However it does have advantages. I don't feel like there is any such thing as a perfect age gap though, and all the plans in the world can't account for things like secondary infertility or miscarriage etc. I would actually have had 13 months between my first and second but i lost a pregnancy. I'd say see how it goes with the first one first!

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