Wants another baby 18 months after this one?

[TheBlushBaby]

My partner and I wanted children for a while but only recently had the fantastic news that we were expecting our first.

I've love my pregnancy, and I'm currently at 25 weeks.

Anyway, I asked when we might look at having another baby after this one, and he confidently said within 18 months of this one being born. I'm really happy that he wants another one soon, but what are people's experiences with this sort of age gap between two children?

We discussed having live-in help with the children, so I'm not worried about having enough help. I just wanted to know what other difficulties we might run into or the strain it may put on my body?

Is it a good age gap between children?

He may well change his mind when the baby arrives, he hasn't a clue at the minute.

18 months is a great gap once they are in school!

In all honesty, I found it fine and especially having gone on to having a bigger gap next time. The smaller gap meant I bee really got used to life being easier again so I never left the baby haze which was tough but I had forgotten what I was missing. With a bigger gap you get used to life without small kids and when the new one turns up it's like a blow to the head and you know what's ahead of you!

I should imagine that how 'easy' your first baby proves to be, will influence how you feel about timing a second.

My dd had 2 within 15 months, the 2nd was not strictly speaking planned, but was left to Fate/Nature to decide, since she is of an age where you may be taking a risk if you put these things off too long.

There is no denying that it's hard going at first, but OTOH you get the hardest parts and nappies over with in one go, rather than starting all,over again. And many people say that having two close together is lovely as they get a bit older, since they tend to be good friends and will mostly enjoy the same sort of activities.

Another thing on the plus side, dd's 2nd labour was FAR easier than the first, though I know this doesn't necessarily follow. Someone else who had two very close together said it's because everything hasn't yet fully tightened up again, though how true this is I don't know.

19mths between 1 and 2 and 15mths between 2 and 3. Having them was easy and I was pretty single minded about it all. Now that the little one is 1.5, it is so so hard most of the time. Big fella goes off to school in September so that might change the pace and stress levels a bit but Christ on a bike, it's unbelievable here for large portions of every day with the fighting, unreasonableness and demands.

On the basis he's not the one carrying the baby (even if he's a SAHD and you go back to work ft quickly) I'd say he can't decide this.

A friend of mine has a 15 month age gap and found it really hard at first. Little one is about to turn 2 and I rarely hear from her so I'm guessing life is still pretty hard.

Get baby 1 sleeping and then think about it.

We had plans to have 2 close together, especially after conceiving our first so quickly. We ended up with a 4yr gap, due to secondary infertility. We were damn lucky to get pregnant our second and we don't care about the gap now. You make do with what happens, there's no need to rush into making plans, especially when you are only 25w with your first.

Wishing you an uncomplicated pregnancy and all the best for a healthy baby.

Just 13 months between my first 2 DSs. I was in my early 20s, and had no problems with giving birth, but also no help with the children. "D" H never changed a nappy, read a story, gave a bath. Not so unusual back then. Before I was 30 I also had 2 DDs with a longer space between.

One of my DD now has 3 children, 5 years between each, starting in her mid-30s, and delivered by C-section. She has a very hands-on DH, but I think she has a harder time than I did.

Youth is on your side. If all goes well with this one - go for it!

Agree with PP to wait and see. No problem with daydreaming about your ideal gap, as long as you realise it's all hypothetical and so many other factors come into play.

I initially wanted a 2 year gap. Then I had DS1 - horrific pregnancy, then a baby with severe reflux who woke 7-8 times a night for the first 3 years (and still wakes every night aged 6)

I couldn't even contemplate being pregnant again until he was 20 months old. We have a 2.7 year gap.

They get on really well and love playing together. But also they are clearly the big brother and the little brother which suits them. We don't treat them as if they're the same age IYSWIM.

In my daydream world I would have had 3 DC with 2 years between each one, so only 4 between the eldest and youngest. But in reality I can only cope with 2 (DS2 was 2 before I could even think about having a third, but we decided in the end not to)

I would plan another before you've had your first, see how that goes first.

My plans was to have two years between them. I though it would take a bit of time the second time round (did with the first) so we started a bit earlier than necessary. We ended up with 20 months between them.

First, I would say have a try at being a mother first! It might be that you will feel ready when your DC will be 9 months be pregnant again. Or it might be that you Will still Bec on ML, full on baby mode and thinking of doing it all again is the stuff of the nightmares.

I personally found that 20 months was hard work. You have two babies that requires a lot from you. It's easier of you have the full support of your partner (so as in I'm really happy about it but him pitching in and getting his hands dirty, aka getting up at night etc...)

As the dcs grew though, i think it has been much easier as they always have had similar sort of interest as they have a similar age. They are best friends now (with the usual siblings fights!) but do a hell of a lot together and are usually a bit lost when the other isn't there. (They are teenagers now btw)

Last but not least, you are the one carrying the child. Youbare the one having the last say in the decision. Your DH might be really keen o an 18 months gap but if this isn't right for you, you will have the last say because you are the one carrying the child, the one giving birth and the one who will suffer any consequences on a health POV (mental or physical). Don't let his choice becoming yu R choice if it's not what you want.

I'd opt for a bigger gap but purely from a medical point of view I understand it takes your body 9-12 months so recover from a pregnancy and birth so I wouldn't think it would be good to start trying until at least after then.

Also postnatal depression most often hits at 8 months so the risk of having that, a baby under 1 and being pregnant sounds hard to me even if it is unlikely.

Personally for me I liked having the 1-2-1 time with my DS and giving him all my attention until he was a bit more independent so you don't feel guilty when you have to split your time and give so much to the new born.

Everyone is different. Get over the shock of the first 6 months when your little one has arrived and worry about it then.

Congratulations.

I'm a hands on Nan, I do overnights from young and so do my other DDs.

My DD was shocked at how emotionally draining and intense Motherhood was. She's worked with babies and toddlers, so thought she knew how it would be.

Your baby may not meet developmental milestones, so you may decide to wait. I'm speaking as a Mum of two children with SN. Or other health issues.

I had a similar age gap and except for a really tough three month period, loved it. It was my eldest and youngest that had the SN, luckily.

Live-in help takes care of the housework and new babies, but not a clingy one year old, or toddler who wants carrying around with you.

I enjoyed it, but my DD, a different personality, finds it tough and needs 'days off'. Her DP is honest enough to say that he didn't expect the change in their relationship and the change in my DD. They worked through it because he was honest.

Will your DP be 'hands on'? My Son In Law wasn't as much as he could be and it upset my DD that he didn't see their child in the same way as she did, it's the emotional stuff that is a surprise.

As said, just enjoy this one and then decide.

I would say it depends on how quickly your recover from the birth and the type of baby you have. Hopefully you will have an easy birth and a baby that sleeps a lot.

Personally I would recommend having your children as close together as possible. I will have done the school run for 12 years by the time I am finished which for me is enough.
My friend would recommend it too. She has 4 and by the time she is through she will have done it for 35 years. This she says is her biggest mistake she has made. She loves all her children dearly she just wishes she had them one after the other and they would be all grown up and dealing with themselves now instead of looking at another 10 years to go.

I'll answer this from the other side, as someone with nearly 3 years between DC1 and DC2 then 3.5 years between DC2 and DC3. I was just not ready at all to contemplate another baby very quickly when DC1 was born. I felt we needed time to bond properly and to enjoy his baby years before moving on to another baby. likewise the gap between DC2 and DC3, we needed to get DC2 to toddler age before we wanted a baby again, but when we made our decision it was just the right time for us. So hats off to all those with small age gaps, I admire you. But it wouldn't have been right for us, and what we have works perfectly for us. I think that's the key to this really, that everyone is different and has to do what feels right for them. It may feel right for you to have 2 close together, or you may want to space them out a bit. Perhaps just wait and see how you feel after the first one? Either way is fine and you will find your own way through the haze of nappies, muslins and night time wakings :). Good luck!

Mine were born 18 months apart. I planned it that way for no other reason than I felt ready. It was quite hard work as I had no help but I wouldn't have changed it.
Everybody is different though. You'll know when you want another.

If you end up needing a c-section, they recommend leaving a year before trying to conceive. I followed that advice but managed to get pregnant the first month TTC (hurrah!) so there will be a 22 month gap between ours. I was a little shell-shocked but I'm getting happier and happier with it (nearly 13 weeks now).

It really depends on your circumstances though. Mine sleeps through okay, I think if our sleep had been terrible we would have postponed trying. Pregnancy is tiring enough by itself! It would have been nice to be entitled to some free childcare before I have to go back to work (paying 2 x nursery fees eats up most of my salary but it's short-term pain for long-term gain). But then again I really look forward to family days out when they're a little older and able to enjoy the same sorts of things together. I'm also not quite sure how I'll cope with 2 under 2 post c-section recovery, but I'm sure we will muddle through somehow!

You need to wait until this baby has actually arrived and then see how you feel as a couple. No plans need to be made right now.

My dc are 11 months apart, it was planned After ds was born me & dh were talking and decided ttc as soon as we could and we've now got dd too.
I had an easy birth though with no complications, ds was a dream breastfed well, loved his sleep generally a very happy baby. When dd was born she just sort of slotted in to the routine we already had with ds.
They are now 20 months & 9 months and I wouldn't change a thing.

I agree that with a small gap you really NEED a DH who does as much with the kids when he's home as you do. It's bloody hard work. Even then you end up eating oven chips for the first few months.

Oh and having two pregnancies in two years really destroys your stomach.

My first two are ten months apart. They are 9 & 10 now. In June and July they are the same age until my boy turns 11 at the end of July.

Between my second and third there is 15 months.

I wouldn't recommend small age gaps and feel they and I missed out as they were so close but that's just my experience.

I'd wait and see how it goes with this baby first.

My stomach wasn't destroyed, I don't have a single stretch mark.

I was nuts about putting cream on. I used to have bottles of cream everywhere and would put it on several times a day for example if I put the kettle on I would put cream on. Like I said I was nuts.

18 months is the recommended gap by 'fertility experts' to allow allow your body to have healed from the first pregnancy and birth and for your iron levels / calcium levels to have come back up to normal.

Having said that I'm 17 weeks pregnant with my second and DD is 15 months!

^Oh and having two pregnancies in two years really destroys your stomach^

Says who? Surely everyone is different? My stomach is just fine and mine are 11 months apart

Stealth boast!