wedding, hen do, transgender

[user1488971792]

Hi I'm after some advice.
I am getting married and just organising the hen do. Im in a bit of a predicament. My cousin (who is quite a bit older then me not that thats really relevant i suppose) is transgender- male to female. All the family have been very accepting and we would rather see her happy then living a lie and she is aware this is how we feel. This isn't a new thing and we have known about her becoming transgender for 2-3 years now.
now the difficult part!! Im organising a hen do, nothing wild, just an overnight stay, spa that sort of thing. its obviously all women, but i don't know whether to invite cousin or not. If it had of been a night out it wouldnt be an issue as i would have just invited her. However, we are all staying in a house together with a hot tub, she is in a relationship with a women and hasn't had any surgery so still 'male' physically. There will be young girls there who i know won't feel comfortable with a 'man.' i think it would be different if she had had surgery, i don't know why? if i don't invite her it will be awkward and i know she won't want to go on the stag do which i completely understand. I am yet to mention anything about the issue at all as i genuinely don't know what to do and dont want to hurt feelings etc any advice on how to handle this issue sensitively ?

So much fucking minimising of the fear of men that abuse victims can suffer.

It's took me years to be able to take my daughter swimming. I still shake throughout.
I was at a friends flat once, her fella was out. I came out the bathroom faced with her boyfriends six foot friend.
I was so scared I nearly screamed. I was sick. I couldn't sleep that night.

My friend can't go into a shop alone because she is so terrified of men. She can't work. She wouldn't even think about swimming.

STOP FUCKING MINIMISING.

Fucking pricks

Onion your posts seem to be mocking victims of abuse, as someone who works with adult survivors of csa (both male and female) I find your posts disgusting.

"Absentminded - saying that men do not look like women isn't not bodyshaming women who don't fit the physical ideal of women.

That's absurd"

If you are declaring you can spot a trans woman at 50 paces or whatever, that's essentially what you're saying.

Then we get situations like this:

www.advocate.com/business/2015/06/17/detroit-woman-kicked-out-restaurant-bathroom-looking-man-sues

There are plenty of instances like this. Plenty more where women are meeting with aggression for not looking like 'real women'. Totally unacceptable.

Oh and transgender women are not men.

Oswin:

That's awful

But it wasn't his fault.

I find it extra disgusting knowing that Onion is a man.

Onion your posts seem to be mocking victims of abuse, as someone who works with adult survivors of csa (both male and female) I find your posts disgusting.

I like how I'm singled out.

It was not my intention to mock anybody apart from the transphobes.

Just do something else. Remove the discomfort for everyone.

(And feeling like a woman is BS, I feel like a woman right now because my boobs hurt because I recently ovulated but I do a typically male job, I wear "masculine" clothes, I like using power tool and I ride motorbikes, still a woman though. Whether I like it of not)

I find it extra disgusting knowing that Onion is a man.

Really? You're going to go there are you?

Ah, Onion is a man. That explains it.

Ah, Onion is a man. That explains it.

Explains what?

Are you going to accuse anybody else of being a man?

Yeah. I find a man mocking and belittling the experience of women who have been sexually abused by men to be particularly offensive.

Ah, yes, Onion wants to act like it's 100% irrelevant that he has a penis in this discussion. Just like we should act like it's 100% irrelevant when someone has a penis at a women's-only gathering. Or anywhere, really. Women, just ignore the vile things men do to our sex with their organs. Ignore the fact that you are fetishized and objectified almost exclusively by bepenised people. You have to give them the benefit of the doubt, or they get sad. So sad!

Except that never happened Absent: www.snopes.com/transgender-bathroom-arrest/

bepenised people

I vote for MN thread transphobic bingo!

Ah, yes, Onion wants to act like it's 100% irrelevant that he has a penis in this discussion. Just like we should act like it's 100% irrelevant when someone has a penis at a women's-only gathering. Or anywhere, really. Women, just ignore the vile things men do to our sex with their organs. Ignore the fact that you are fetishized and objectified almost exclusively by bepenised people. You have to give them the benefit of the doubt, or they get sad. So sad!

WTF?

Repeated use of HE by posters to describe a transwoman.

I'm not singling you out Onion. I read the whole thread and it was your posts that jumped out at me that's all.

Where's this 'evidence' then, that trans women with a female partner are so likely to be 'fetishists'? Keen to read it now? How rigorous is the research?

I find your generalisation incredibly offensive, ignorant and arrogant. And no - I'm not a trans woman or a man.

AbsentmindedWoman you say that transgender women aren't men but that doesn't make them women. They are transwomen and I don't see why that is something to be ashamed of?

WombOfOnesOwn

That post makes no sense at all.

ego because he has a penis and as far as the op knows hasn't done anything to legally transition as such is a male

I'm not singling you out Onion. I read the whole thread and it was your posts that jumped out at me that's all.

Yup, sure