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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off at dh

115 replies

hmmmInteresting · 22/02/2017 20:42

I never ask dh to do any housework whatsoever, or any cooking. I'm a sahm so I just figured I did all these things as he works and earns all the money. Tonight I asked him if he'd do the washing up while I took kids to bed, he said ok. So I got the kids drinks and said "do you mind doing the washing up then" and I get "yeah just stop going on at me". I just knew he was funny about it.

I've took the kids to bed and read them stories and he's still not done it. Sat there on his phone.

OP posts:

Northernparent68 · 22/02/2017 20:45

Perhaps he wants to do it in his time, maybe he'll do it before he goes to bed. I do not mind people asking me to do something, but I hate being when I have to do it.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 22/02/2017 20:46

I'm a SAHM and I don't do every little thing. I do the majority but actually, I'm not a slave and it's DH house and mess too so he should contribute. I do the cooking every day but DH washes up, sometimes he'll use the dishwasher.

Your DH sounds like a lazy sod and probably thinks you will just go and do it.

Leeds2 · 22/02/2017 20:48

Just wait, and let him do it in his own time. Do not under any circumstances do it yourself.

Bluntness100 · 22/02/2017 20:49

If he said he'd do it then let him do it in his own time. My husband has this issue. He says everything needs to be on my time line, if he says he will do something then he will do it, but in his time frame. Which is fair. I think uou can only assume it's not done if he goes to bed and leaves it.

Original poster

hmmmInteresting · 22/02/2017 20:50

I'm sat here looking at him on his phone and I really just want to do the washing up or him to get off his arse and do it. It will take 2 mins I could of done it myself but I thought he does nothing, and happily leaves his dirty work jeans in the hallway for me to pick up. Men!

OP posts:

EssieTregowan · 22/02/2017 20:51

Two things.

One, he shouldn't be absolved of all household responsibility just because you are a SAHM.

Two, give him a chance to do it in his own time. It's the evening, he's on his phone, he's said he'll do it. I hate hate hate having to do stuff to someone else's schedule.

HOWEVER if he is just procrastinating in the hope you'll cave and do it, kick him in the cock.

foodiefil · 22/02/2017 20:54

Not 'men', 'twats'.

Don't do it - go to bed, read, have a bath. Wherever he left his jeans that's where they'd be when he went to find them again if he lived with me the lazy sod. As PPs have said sahms don't be absolutely everything in the house...

bakingaddict · 22/02/2017 20:56

No men who have respect for their wives don't leave dirty clothes in a hallway for them to pick up. You need to get this sorted

foxyloxy78 · 22/02/2017 21:01

Sounds like a spoilt child.

Wolfiefan · 22/02/2017 21:04

Not all men are like that. Don't pick up after him. I'm a SAHM. Washing in washing basket. I do most stuff but he lives here too and they are also his kids. He has a part to play too.

Longdistance · 22/02/2017 21:06

Fill the washing up bowl with water and fairy. Grab his phone and give it a wash

RitaConnors · 22/02/2017 21:14

I don't see why he should have to do it when you say so. He's said he'll do it, so I would believe he'll do it. The time to be pissed off is if he doesn't do it.

I agree that you shouldn't be doing everything in the house. It's an unfair division of labour and it means you are always working. Never finished. Also it's good for your dc to see you working as a team.

RoboticSealpup · 22/02/2017 21:14

Are your children at school, so you have child-free time during which to do housework?

Original poster

hmmmInteresting · 22/02/2017 21:15

Leaves all his dirty washing down his side of the bed, I left it to make a point and he has a cheek to go on about how he has no clothes clean!

Off the phone now and off out for a cig?

OP posts:

EweAreHere · 22/02/2017 21:16

Who cares if he earns all the money? You work, too, looking after the children and house while he's at work.

When he's not at work, he should be doing his share around the house.

Your job should not be 24/7 if his isn't.

Original poster

hmmmInteresting · 22/02/2017 21:18

No have 2 at home, but always make sure the house is tidy when he gets home. All toys are put away (to be dragged back out again) and tea is done.

OP posts:

Catlady1976 · 22/02/2017 21:18

Don't do the washing up op. Leave him to do it.

Original poster

hmmmInteresting · 22/02/2017 21:23

Ok so he managed to wash 3 plates before pissing off upstairs for a bath. Left 2 pans, bottles and cutlery. Such a lazy fucker!

OP posts:

QueenofPentacles · 22/02/2017 21:24

I don't see why a man cannot help out even if you are at home. You are entitled to some help, very old fashioned not to get any. Positively prehistoric.

FritzDonovan · 22/02/2017 21:26

robotic is this a genuine q, or are you being deliberately goady?
Not all housework fits into 9-5 working day, therefore should be shared. Leaving dirty laundry where it drops so that OP has to pick it up is just plain lazy and disrespectful.

FritzDonovan · 22/02/2017 21:27

OP, go drop them in his bath and ask if he thought they needed a soak

RoboticSealpup · 22/02/2017 21:30

Your job should not be 24/7 if his isn't.

Exactly

I'm a SAHM. When DH had worked his eight hours (with a lunch break during which he gets to eat on peace and commute where he gets to read undisturbed, neither of which I get), he comes home and cooks our dinner while I do the nighttime routine with DD. I do the cleaning and laundry, but I don't do all the housework! Why should I? I do what I can while he's at the office and the rest we share.

PoorYorick · 22/02/2017 21:31

I knew he was an entitled, disrespectful prick as soon as you said he drops his dirty clothes on the floor for you to pick up. It's one thing to be a SAHM who's responsible for the laundry. It's quite another to be married to a condescending turd who thinks he can just make a mess all over the place as he wishes and you'll just clean up after him because you're a woman the SAHP. He can't even be bothered to drop his filth in the laundry basket? He'll just cast it wherever he stands and you have to run after him and bend to the floor to collect it?

Sleep in the spare room and put the washing up and his dirty stinking pants in his bed. How fucking dare he. What is it about men people with SAHP partners that they suddenly think the tiniest domestic action is beneath them because they've got jobs?

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/02/2017 21:33

"I've got no clean clothes"
"Really? Thats odd because I washed everything thats in the laundry basket" and repeat as necessary.....

Leave the pots exactly where they are and if he asks why they are there then tell him that you assumed he had left them there for a reason as he had said he was doing them.

People only treat you badly if you let them.

thisagain · 22/02/2017 21:35

When I was a SAHM I managed to get all housework done during the day but jobs like unloading the dishwasher (if that job happened to fall in the evening), preparing and cooking tea, washing up and putting children to bed were shared by us if he was there. I would do all I could during the day to make the evenings easier, but some jobs can't be done during the day. I would have felt a bit taken for granted if I continued to do everything in the evening whilst he watched. In any event, we were (and still are) always trying to get the jobs done quickly so that we could go to bed to watch tv! As others have said, I don't see why your job should carry on after his has finished and he has clocked himself off.

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