To be pissed off at dh

[hmmmInteresting]

I never ask dh to do any housework whatsoever, or any cooking. I'm a sahm so I just figured I did all these things as he works and earns all the money. Tonight I asked him if he'd do the washing up while I took kids to bed, he said ok. So I got the kids drinks and said "do you mind doing the washing up then" and I get "yeah just stop going on at me". I just knew he was funny about it.

I've took the kids to bed and read them stories and he's still not done it. Sat there on his phone.

Garrulous nope, he managed 3 plates left pans bottles and cutlery, before having a bath then going to bed, I left them last night maybe thinking he'd do the rest before work but he hasn't. I just think ffs I never ask you to do anything an that was so hard. I could even see on his face he had a problem with doing it when I asked.

I said to him the other day after I cooked how he never says thank you, don't get me wrong I'm not expecting flowers every time
I cook just a simple thank you, and he says "Do I ask you to say thank you when I pay for the food shopping" .

" Or will threaten out move to his mates any time we have an argument."

Tell him to fuck off there then and take his dirty washing & do it himself-because his mates won't!

They might not tolerate it being left on the floor either!

I could have written this. I do 100% of housework and cooking. My other half is supposed to mow the lawn as I can't (need to take the lawn mower up and down a staircase, and it's very heavy), but he will need nagging for about a month before he actually does it. I also have to pick up his dirty socks from the floor - but inspired by this thread I will stop that and simply say I won't wash it if it's not in the basket.

I can't talk to him either, he smashes the house up and threatens to leave or crash the car and kill himself, if I say the wrong thing. Sigh!! I would leave if I could, but I have no money and nowhere to go. I can't live where we are now, as we need a car here and I can't drive, so rely on him a lot for that. I'm not from England either, so have no family here.

"I'm sat here looking at him on his phone and I really just want to do the washing up or him to get off his arse and do it. It will take 2 mins I could of done it myself but I thought he does nothing, and happily leaves his dirty work jeans in the hallway for me to pick up. Men!"

No. Not "Men!". It's "Arseholes!" Decent men are not like this.

Message for ALL of you putting up with behaviour like this: it is not 'just how things are'. It is not 'normal'. All men are not 'like this'. It is lazy, selfish, entitled behaviour and you deserve way better.

Purple.

That is so not right.

You need to work out how to get a job, so you can leave

Can you tell us what his good points are?

Dirty jeans left lying in the hall for someone else to deal with?! Let alone the assumption you will fetch his washing chucked down at the side of the bed. Not even gathering it together whether in a laundry bag or in a heap by the washing machine. Now that would annoy me.

OP, what are you doing with your life? The longer you put up with this treatment the harder it will be to change. Do you want to stay with this entitled, selfish man-child, do you want to leave or do you want him to change? I would say get this clear in your head before establishing a plan of action. Having said this, at 23 you should be having fun, life should be exciting with loads of possibilities (even with kids) and you shouldn't be shackled to someone who treats you so disrespectfully.

This just made me really sad. You're 23 and you're living as his house-keeper.

I'm a SAHM. My husband works. He does all the cooking when he's here. He comes in and takes over the childcare. Not so that I can get on with housework, but so that I can put my feet up. He brings me a cup of tea first.

When he's here we share the work 50-50. If ever I say "sorry, I didn't manage to do a wash today" he says, "Why are you sorry? Neither did I!" And washing is a job that I said I would always do.

You do not have to put up with this. If you're worried no one else would ever want you... well, my ex-husband used to say that. I was a lot older than you when I left him (he did a hell of a lot more around the house than your dp), and had kids already. I am now happily married (something I never thought I would be)

It's up to you to decide. Do you want to live like this forever?

Talking is always a first step. Sit him down, say you've had enough. Tell him you've been thinking long and hard and that his lack of respect for you is shown in everything he does. Tell him you've been considering his offer to move out, and that it seems like a good idea with the way things are now.

Every time he leaves something for you to do, he's saying a silent, "Fuck you, you do it"

"Fuck you, you pick up my clothes"
"Fuck you, you wash the dishes"
"Fuck you, it's your job to cook for me"

He's a parent just like you, his job does not start and end with earning. You are contributing financially to the household by looking after the children that are equally his.

Have you thought about getting a job? It would open up the possibilities for you and give you some real independence.

This is not how it's supposed to be.

Do you have children together purple? Is there any chance you could find a job near you and save money up? I live far from anything, only a little shop by me and I also can't drive but have buses.

Bert his work jeans are still in the hall I'm not picking them up.

I suppose I always just got on with it because he worked, but after him saying about me saying thank you for the shopping it just makes me wander weather in his head he thinks his money is all his, and all these bills are actually mine as they are in my name.

He doesn't even pay them anyway. Behind on everything.

Op, let him leave you would be far better off.
Purplebluebird, you are totally able to leave. Contact women's aid who can advise you on practicalities. He won't kill himself, I'm still waiting for my ex to get round to it 15 years later. It's a control tactic. He is abusive and his behaviour is designed to frighten & control you. He is not good for your kids. Freedom is there, post in Relationships for support and advice. do not let him know you want to leave use a private browser, delete your history etc.

I look back at my 20s and wish Id realised how many opportunities I had, how young and free I was, how beautiful, healthy thin I was. Dont get me wrong I had fun alot of and Im not unhappy now, but I could have chosen a more rewarding life if only I hadnt been so cautious and had more confidence in my 20s.

You are being dragged down and belittled by an abusive bully. Please believe me when I say you deserve and can have so much more. Youre 23, anything you chose for your life is still possible. It takes courage now to do something about this, but you will be sooo much happier in the coming years.

User I thought about this last night we can have a laugh at times and are comfortable round each other, I feel like maybe as he's my kids dad I'm maybe clinging to the relationship more.

Hang on he doesn't pay bills? How do they get paid, do you pay?

I cook just a simple thank you, and he says "Do I ask you to say thank you when I pay for the food shopping" .

He sounds like a complete moron. Seriously - you're meant to be a team, and he is treating you like paid help. This isn't normal behaviour and to be honest I don't think you should stand for shit like that.

Thathorse I found myself a job a couple of months ago, but worked out all of my wages and more were going on childcare. I really want to do a course if I'm honest and start from scratch.

Pinky He will pay rent but we are over £300 behind, tv and water I'm always having to remind him and I feel he begrudges it.

Purple yours would no way crash the car & kill himself - he'd be much too afraid of damaging his precious ego. He's guilting you into staying & because you are a nice person, you fall for it

Why doesn't he do any housework? I can understand you doing things during the day as you are at home then but once he is home after work and at the weekends, everything should be done jointly - housework and childcare.

Stop doing everything and leave him to take some responsibility for being a member of the family!

you know when he threatens to leave? Call his bluff.

DH & I are quite argumentative, I LOATHE being ordered around, he feels unappreciated if i'm not thankful enough for his 'help'

He used to shut down arguments by threatening to leave me, I told him a few months ago if he did it again I would call his bluff.

So.. next time the words 'I ought to pack a bag and leave' left his lips, my exact words were "You know where the fucking door is, don't let it hit you on the way out' he skulked upstairs for an hour before apologising for being a knob just because he'd had a bad day at work.

I hope you take a real look st your situation and realise it's a really unhealthy situation your in and your only 23,
To me looks like you'd be far better off alone and you'd sure get a lot more help with a college course etc been single too,then plan your own way in life without someone that has so little respect for you.life is far too short to waste.and your children will see a much stronger mum and a mum that sets a great example to them that a woman is not for walking over and should be respected properly.

Urgh I hate it when OH says he will do something but it has to be in his own time - Im happy to do the cleaning etc but if he offers suddenly it becomes I will do it tomorrow and its still there when I get home. I just get on with it now

Speak to a solicitor - take along bank statements etc to show your income, you need to know how things will pan out if you split. Then you can make a plan. I think there is a half hour free consultation option.

He sounds such a selfish git that I dont think I'd even bother discussing a separation with him. He'll probably just make pathetic attemtps then return to his selfish behaviour. Just give an ultimatum and if he doesn't change you know what to do.

Sweetheart, the only time you should be considering a life of drudgery married to this disrespectful sexist twat is if you are 95, doing the dusting with your chin hairs and every single other man and chimpanzee in the world is dead.

Not even at 95 would I be skivvying after a man....,. chin hairs or not.

And this Do I ask you to say thank you when I pay for the food shopping would be enough for me to walk.

And as for leaving dirty clothes on the floor, my OH did this very early on in the marriage.
I tried the leaving them on the floor but it didn't work, so I simply picked them up and hung them back in his wardrobe, or folded them neatly and put them back in the drawer.
When he found no clean clothes to wear for work because none had been washed because oh, yes, they hadn't been put into the dirty clothes bin RIGHT NEXT TO WHERE HE'D BLOODY WELL DROPPED THEM ON THE FLOOR, well guess what ? He's dropped clothes into the dirty bin ever since.....