To be pissed off at dh

[hmmmInteresting]

I never ask dh to do any housework whatsoever, or any cooking. I'm a sahm so I just figured I did all these things as he works and earns all the money. Tonight I asked him if he'd do the washing up while I took kids to bed, he said ok. So I got the kids drinks and said "do you mind doing the washing up then" and I get "yeah just stop going on at me". I just knew he was funny about it.

I've took the kids to bed and read them stories and he's still not done it. Sat there on his phone.

I'd just leave the washing up for 6 months if necessary until someone else does it to prove a point that I'm not a house slave.
But then I've been divorced twice so it probably doesn't do to follow my advice.

It's him. It really is him.
It's him. It really is him.
It's him. It really is him.
It's him. It really is him.
It's him. It really is him.
It's him. It really is him.
It's him. It really is him.
It's him. It really is him.
It's him. It really is him.
It's him. It really is him.
It's him. It really is him.
It's him. It really is him.
It's him. It really is him.

Read the opening post on this thread. It's stickied at the top of the Relationships board for a reason:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

Encourage him to leave. You'll manage, whatever, you know you will.

And you should have equal access to his earnings, so you can just pay the bills, buy food and clothes etc. It is not his money. He can only earn it because you are there supporting him by looking after his children and his home. If you didn't do it, he would have to pay someone else to do it, or he would have to stop earning in order to do it himself.

That money is yours just as much as it is his. It's family money.

You are working all day too. You don't get lunch breaks, or even loo breaks. Your day doesn't end when 4 o'clock comes round, or 6 o'clock, or any o'clock.

His day goes from, say, 8am to 4pm or whatever. Then he sits about being waited on. What he should be doing is getting on with childcare and house stuff.

You cook, he washes up.
He does his own washing and is responsible for keeping his own clothes sorted.

You need to get this sorted with him, and if he won't even listen then you kick him out, or you go.

I'm actually feeling quite angry, now! I want to put a rocket up his arse and tell him how bloody lucky he is.

Not even thanking you for a nice meal? Outrageous.

Sorry I didn't get back to this before. Sounds like a lot has happened now, hopefully for the best. I know what it's like when you just doubt yourself and if everything you do is wrong - but it's just him twisting things around to make you the guilty one. I've made my own thread too now, but I think it's too long for people to read! .

Hope you're ok, keep us posted!

Thank you all! He hasn't left.

Tonight he started saying about how he wants to start the gym soon, I mentioned about getting a family membership and him going to the the gym while I take the kids swimming, he starts off by saying that it would be over £100 a month which it isn't, then says I want to go straight after work some days anyway so you won't be able to come,
I straight away got the impression he just didn't want us to come so I said is there a problem with us coming.

He then starts saying I'm controlling, I never allow him to do anything on his own, I get pissed off when he goes to visit his friends (apparently), I'm a joke, how he cannot deal with this anymore, and how no other lads girlfriend would make such a fuss off him just going to the gym! I never I just thought it would be nice to teach dc how to swim. And I'm not being funny when do I have the chance or time to just piss off to gym whenever I feel like it?

I said if you feel that way just go, then I get carry on sitting there being sarcastic you say that now until your sat there crying!

I really have this urge to just say fuck off, just fucking go! But I just feel stuck. Like something is holding me back from saying it or like I'm going to regret it.

Say it. You probably will regret it initially because change is scary, but you'll get through the scary bit and you'll find the strength to be on your own with the children. And then one day you'll be happy and look back and wonder what the fuck you ever saw in him.

Just say it. Tell him to go.

I get this. He's accused you of being controlling because you wanted to do something as a family and make sure everyone was doing something fun, while he is just thinking about himself. How selfish. It wouldn't be a big deal if he thought about everyone else too, it's not all about him. Of course, he won't see it that way, and you won't be able to make him see your viewpoint as he has now convinced himself he's badly done by.
I think you might regret leaving the person you initially got together with but it sounds like he is no longer that person. Go.

Leave the dirty pots where they are and when he asks, say you thought he was doing them in his own time...
Lazy arse!

And join a gym, a different one maybe, and take yourself and the kids there. Alot. especially weekends. Then have a large glass of wine in the bar. Enjoy!

OP I agree with the other posters. It is him. Anyone deserves better. Being a SAHM isn't the same as being a house-elf.

I note that you don't talk about leaving the children in his care at all. (You didn't suggest that he used his gym membership to take the children swimming. You asked him to wash up rather than to do a task where he got to see the children he had been away from all day.)

Is this because you are afraid to do so? That is a very red flag.

Do his friends have DC. It sounds like he can carry on living the single life while you pick up the slack. I didn't object to my DH going to the gym 4 times a week before we had DC - I went to my own gym, saw friends etc. I certainly would have had something to say about it if he thought he could carry on doing that while I was stuck home putting the DC to bed after having them all day. I didn't need to say anything though because he's not a dick. He has done bath and bed with them every night since they were tiny as that's the only time he gets with them in the week and he wants to see them. I do his tea and have a tidy round while he's doing it and then we both get to sit down together. I've never had to fight for this. Decent men are out there. You deserve better.

So you can add gaslighting abuse to your list as well.
Google it!
It's what he is doing to you on a daily basis.
Tell him to fuck-off!
Tell him that you want him gone and in fact, you will help him pack.
It's not going to be easy to do that.
You've been so conditioned by him.
Womens Aid can also help you see this for what it is.

23!?! Seriously you need to get rid of this utter man child!

You are way too young to become somebody's maid just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean you should be treated like this!

Give this wank biscuit his marching orders.

Just caught up. I'm sorry, but I have to laugh... normally, when you hear about these types who think their only job in the household is to pay the bills, they at least manage to do THAT bit right.

This guy must have some truly outstanding redeeming qualities that you're not telling us about, because I cannot otherwise understand what he's still doing in your house.