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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to trip

122 replies

Shezza71 · 28/01/2017 11:47

Honest opinions on me being too strict.
My dd16(July birthday so youngest in her year) wants to go on a trip to Bangor in Wales with 2 other friends.
We live just outside London so involves train to Victoria to get a coach, then a 9 hour journey to Bangor, where they will get a taxi to a hotel.
The trip is to visit a friend of one of the other girls friends, surprise to girl but her mum knows they are coming.
They are planning to stay 4 days.
I said I'd think about it, then said no. Dd is persistenly trying to convince me she's old enough, responsible enough etc. And that I'm too strict, never let her do anything. Everyone else is allowed to do stuff. Usual stuff I think teenagers say when they've been told no.
So honest opinions please.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 28/01/2017 11:48

I'm with you

Supervised yes

Unsupervised no

Not at 16.

HeyMacWey · 28/01/2017 11:49

I would - they're going to visit a friend not just going on a random trip.

Reality16 · 28/01/2017 11:49

Ignoring the distance, are you seriously saying your 16yo can't catch a train, get on a bus or use a taxi?

KateDaniels2 · 28/01/2017 11:49

So she is coming up to 17?

I think yabu.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/01/2017 11:50

I think she's old enough.

bonfireheart · 28/01/2017 11:51

How,old are the others going with her? Are they all responsible? Could you go with her up until she gets on the coach and then the friends mum meets them at the other end?

specialsubject · 28/01/2017 11:52

Old enough but crazy way to travel. Train from Euston under four hours and with railcards and booked ahead will not be pricey.

Need to check hotel happy with their ages.

BeachyKeen · 28/01/2017 11:53

Yes I would let her. I don't know about in the UK, but here at that age she could get her licence, join the reserves, drop out of school and start paying rent by 16.
It's a short trip, with others, where she can be in communication at any time if something happens.
Unless she is really badly behaved or super irresponsible I'd say yes

NavyandWhite · 28/01/2017 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindyHemming · 28/01/2017 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelenaGWells · 28/01/2017 11:59

I would say yes but only in the following circumstances:

They are staying in the friends house and the parents are aware and happy to have them. (I would check this myself)

They look at a more sensible way to travel, surely they could get a train direct? The current journey plan sounds messy and with a few places they could come unstuck. I would prefer them having as short and easy a journey as possible to reduce the chance of travel dramas.

The group travelling are all sensible kids.

I felt that my DD would know what to do in an emergency.

Kids can legally move out at 16 and most are travelling on their own at this point to college surely?

bobbinpop · 28/01/2017 12:01

I'd let her. Bangor is a small university town with nice walks. Very safe and tame!

ClashCityRocker · 28/01/2017 12:08

Where will they be staying? Is the hotel happy for a group of under eighteens (I assume) to stop there? Some, possibly most, aren't. It doesn't sound like they are staying with the friend of a friends mum.

How likely is it that alcohol will be involved? Can your daughter be trusted not to go too far?

ToastOfLondon · 28/01/2017 12:10

I'd be ok with this as long as it's ok with the girls parents. It sounds a 'safe' introduction to travelling on your own.
As long as they have phones then I can't see what can go wrong on the trip regardless of whether they travel by bus or train

SellFridges · 28/01/2017 12:10

I'd let her. I'm a July birthday and was having weekends away with friends at her age.

daimbar · 28/01/2017 12:11

Blimey of course they are old enough!

ToastOfLondon · 28/01/2017 12:12

Sorry, just seen they are staying Ina hotel. If it's a hostel type of place I'd be more keen than a hotel but even so I think it would be ok.

GinIsIn · 28/01/2017 12:13

I don't get it - you don't want a nearly 17 year old catching a bus and train, which they wouldn't be doing alone, and staying at a friend's house where there will be adults present? Confused

GandolfBold · 28/01/2017 12:13

I would allow my quite unsensible DS who is of a similar age if he was staying with friends.

ImYourMama · 28/01/2017 12:13

She's very much old enough and it's a good thing there'll be an adult at the other end. At 16 I flew to Crete alone and stayed with friends (no adults)
It'll be a good trust exercise and she'll see you're trusting her

purplefizz26 · 28/01/2017 12:14

YABVU

She isn't only just 16, she's half way to 17.

There has to come a time when you let them off the leash and live life a bit. My parents would have had a hard time stopping me from doing a trip like that, even if they had said no.

BertrandRussell · 28/01/2017 12:15

Which bit are you unhappy with?

nuttyknitter · 28/01/2017 12:15

Definitely old enough. My 17 year old DS passed his driving test then drove friends to Newquay for a week. Unless there's something you're not telling us, the average 16/17 year old should be trustworthy and independent enough to go away in the UK with friends.

Robstersgirl · 28/01/2017 12:17

I'm a July baby and moved out into my own place in the December before my 17th birthday so the same age as your DD is now. Give her the opportunity to discover the world. She isn't travelling alone and their will be people she can ask for help along the way. Also you can stay in contact constantly. Give her the chance.

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 28/01/2017 12:17

My dd would have been fine (total square, doesn't drink or smoke and would be horrified re drugs and boys and naughtiness - she'd never have gone btw) but some of her friends are a nightmare

We've had pregnant, morning after pill (sensible) drunk beyond comprehension, vomiting drunk, so drunk they started a fight and got their head stamped on

None of this was with dd as she doesn't go out out with them. So would totally depend who and why and what