To say no to trip

[Shezza71]

Honest opinions on me being too strict.
My dd16(July birthday so youngest in her year) wants to go on a trip to Bangor in Wales with 2 other friends.
We live just outside London so involves train to Victoria to get a coach, then a 9 hour journey to Bangor, where they will get a taxi to a hotel.
The trip is to visit a friend of one of the other girls friends, surprise to girl but her mum knows they are coming.
They are planning to stay 4 days.
I said I'd think about it, then said no. Dd is persistenly trying to convince me she's old enough, responsible enough etc. And that I'm too strict, never let her do anything. Everyone else is allowed to do stuff. Usual stuff I think teenagers say when they've been told no.
So honest opinions please.

surely they could get a train direct? The current journey plan sounds messy and with a few places they could come unstuck.

How? They don't live on a direct line to Bangor. OP says dd will have to get a train to Victoria.The coach station is just along the road from the rail station. Train from Euston would require getting the tube from Victoria, which adds another stage to the journey. Although a group of 16/17 year olds should be perfectly capable of doing that. If dd lives just outside London and can't find her way across London/around the tube at 16 going on 17, it's time she learned.

Sorry op but that is a shit dripfeed and just smacks of not liking the fact that people didnt agree with you.

Hmmm.... When I was 16, my mum allowed me to travel around in Europe with a friend for thirty days on what was called an "Interrail" card, with no other special plan than to visit a relative and have that as "base camp".... and to stay at "youth hostels" in e.g. Italy. This was before mobile phones, even. A train ride to Victoria station, switching to another train ride to Bangor, seems like a low risk trip to me, even if you're 16, at least if you've booked the cab in advance. No alcohol of course, at that age.

The usual cost for three with rail adds looks fine about £60 each one way

I'd let her go I think, and I totally understand the worry about drinking and friends. Is she 17 this July or 16?

I'd prefer this scenario than the Reading festival that my nearly 16 year old DD is begging to go to in the summer.

Of course you should let her go - she's 16, and it's wales, not Helmand Province

So where are they staying, not that many places take under 18s, cant imagine they are camping as its winter.

Perhaps they are sofa surfing.

I think meeting up with virtual strangers is massively different to going away with friends but I don't understand the problem with public transport or staying overnight or people getting on their bus when it arrives.

She's almost 17. Of course you should allow her to go. She has the friends mother near by if her friends are proving flaky. I went on holiday with friends when I was 17 to the south coast of France. I'm sure many others did similar. That's only 6 months older than your dd. And one of my friends was a July birth so she was just 17. We just happened to pick up Michael Jackson tickets on his Bad tour. It was awesome.

Ok seems I'm being totally unreasonable about the trip
With regard to the bus thing there were 3 of them, they had ventured away from where they were supposed to be. My dd would have been travelling 2 buses in her own to get home the other 2 were travelling together and their bus ran every 10 minutes. As girls on their own I thought they would of stayed together as much as possible.
The massive drop seed wasn't intended. Sorry

My son has been flying on his own since he was 13 years old. Dropped at the airport by his father, then met by me at the other end. So having to find his way through Gatwick on his own, not supervised by airport staff. Of course she is old enough to do this at 16. Put a tracker on the phone, give her a pre paid debit card (or a go henry card which tells you where, what time and which shop they have used within a few minutes of the transaction).

You are not being unreasonable, OP, just careful. The point about it being less time by train is that, if things go awry, she can come home much more quickly.

It would have been nice for them to have waited for your dds bus. But I suspect they wouldn't have even thought about it. Their bus came, they went. This doesn't make them flaky. It makes them young people finding their way.

I was travelling around the country on trains at that age.

They're staying with the friend where they will be supervised.

Yabu

Id let her, she's with two other friends she no doubt has her mobile for any concerns/emergencies and it seems well organised! I do think kids are babied too much nowadays, a nearly 17 year old should easily cope with that.

So a bus arrives and they should have stayed to wait with her until her bus came? Really? What if their bus was another hour?

This time no I wouldn't let her go.
Not because of the travelling without adult supervision. From 14 my own did a cross country journey at least twice a year on coach or train depending on the fair.
Not because of the bus incident, because it's a no event.
But because it's not her mate. It's a friend of a friend. And the one she knows she doesn't really know. Dynamics will be odd

Let her go if she wants to.
She'll be a fully-fledged adult in just over a year, let her start learning to behave like one.

At 16 you can get married here in Scotland without needing your parents permission. I to think some people over protect their teenage children these days.

YABU about the trip but where are they staying, it's middle of Winter, its not like they can bed down somewhere if they can't book anywhere. Have they checked a few places out, upthread you said they weren't staying with a friend but travelling.

Had these been long term friends then yes, I'd of been comfortable for her to go. It doesn't sound as if she knows the girls very well at all? Plus the fact the person they intend to visit isn't a close friend of hers either.

Too much uncertainty...

It is a very difficult age OP between 16 and 18, DS used to go camping locally in random fields when he was that age, I'm almost certain alcohol was involved but they all did it. I would just try and find out as much as you can and let her go, maybe help her look at places to stay while she is there.

Maybe as a compromise she could go on a trip with friends she actually knows. Not a group of strangers.
Plus how do you know the mum is happy with this when you don't even know anyone?

Of course she is old enough. She must be at college. I Sep d a wild week in Magaluf with friends at that age.