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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to trip

122 replies

Shezza71 · 28/01/2017 11:47

Honest opinions on me being too strict.
My dd16(July birthday so youngest in her year) wants to go on a trip to Bangor in Wales with 2 other friends.
We live just outside London so involves train to Victoria to get a coach, then a 9 hour journey to Bangor, where they will get a taxi to a hotel.
The trip is to visit a friend of one of the other girls friends, surprise to girl but her mum knows they are coming.
They are planning to stay 4 days.
I said I'd think about it, then said no. Dd is persistenly trying to convince me she's old enough, responsible enough etc. And that I'm too strict, never let her do anything. Everyone else is allowed to do stuff. Usual stuff I think teenagers say when they've been told no.
So honest opinions please.

OP posts:
Reality16 · 28/01/2017 15:06

But she isn't staying with a parent

CripsSandwiches · 28/01/2017 15:12

Definitely let her go. In two years she'll be away at uni or living alone somewhere in all likelihood it shouldn't be a sudden transition. Unless she is particularly irresponsible I don't see why the journey would be an issue at all.

Reality16 · 28/01/2017 15:26

The trip in itself isn't the problem. At 16/17 most people are capable of arranging a trip and catching the relevant transport. However, i would be advising an adult not to travel and arrange to stay in a hotel room with virtual strangers let alone a teenager. There are safer ways to get to know people.

luckylavender · 28/01/2017 15:27

I'd let her.

bloodyteenagers · 28/01/2017 15:30

I fancy a few days by the sea this year. Who is going to put me up for 4 days? I will also be bringing someone else from mn and a random friend from snapchat.

scottishdiem · 28/01/2017 15:42

"I will also be bringing someone else from mn and a random friend from snapchat."

I'd come. But then I've travelled thousands of miles with people I have just met in a hostel. Also depends on the Snapchat relationship. A social media friendship can be a real friendship. In 2011 I went to the funeral of a guy I had only every spoken to on Twitter (it was a politics thing). Lots of tweets, retweets and DMs and we'd help with things like property searches and other friend type things. He died suddenly of a heart attack in his early 40s. I had never heard his voice until someone played a video at his wake/memorial. But it was a real friendship.

Original poster
Shezza71 · 28/01/2017 21:44

Thanks to those who offered constructive advice it was very helpful. Update is that she has agreed not to go as they hadn't thought through accommodation properly and don't have anywhere to stay. I have agreed to a long weekend away later in the year if it is planned properly though.

OP posts:
bumsexatthebingo · 28/01/2017 21:50

I went abroad (long haul) with my friend when I was 15 to stay for a fortnight at a hotel near one of her family friends and I survived! I think we are too overprotective these days. That said it depends on the teen - if they are fairly sensible then I'd say yes.

Patriciathestripper1 · 28/01/2017 21:55

WTF i left home and got a flat at 16!
Ybvu.

educatingarti · 28/01/2017 21:57

You can stay in youth hostels without an adult once you are 14.

ToastOfLondon · 28/01/2017 22:48

OP, that sounds like a good outcome.

lionsleepstonight · 29/01/2017 10:25

I think that's a good outcome too. The more you posted the less I liked the set up. 4 nights is a long time to entertain themselves. Fall outs could easily happen, money is tight, it's hours away by a complex route. It had disaster written all over it for me!

Nanny0gg · 29/01/2017 10:31

If they think the staff at the Premier Inn won't notice an extra, they are delusional.

For that reason I'd say no.

iamavodkadrinker · 29/01/2017 10:36

You do know she's 16 not 6 right?

llangennith · 29/01/2017 10:42

Now you've given more details I'd say a definite NO! None of your DDs ideas for her trip have been thought through properly.
When DD1 was 15 she and a friend had a week's holiday in Majorca on their own. Package deal so all arrangements taken care of.
But until DC were about 18 I wouldn't let any of mine go anywhere unless firm arrangements had been made.

KERALA1 · 29/01/2017 10:48

At first I was fine but the randomness of the relationships would concern me. A strong group of friends from school I knew well yes I would be fine with that but she doesn't seem to know these people really.

dowhatnow · 29/01/2017 11:03

I would probably allow it but would probably spend the time worrying. You have to give them independance but you approached it the right way.

It's good to see that communication is open, you've discussed the pitfalls and practicalities and then she has made her decision based on that. That's better than just saying yes or no.

longestlurkerever · 29/01/2017 11:09

I think yabu. She'll be leaving home soon, you need to allow her to exercise a bit of responsibility for herself. I travelled by coach to Cornwall (involving 5 changes) when younger than that with friends. Not very comfy but a formative experience!

longestlurkerever · 29/01/2017 11:10

Sorry, should have rtft.

WeddingsAreStressful · 29/01/2017 11:20

Glad to hear it. They don't sound mature enough to be honest.

UnmentionedElephantDildo · 29/01/2017 11:24

Day trip to Bangor?

madcatwoman61 · 29/01/2017 11:37

I went on holiday in Devon with 3 friends when I was 16 -youth hostels and trains booked in advance, one of us had to ring home every night (long before the advent of mobile phones and cash cards) - we had a whale of a time, and all arrived home in one piece. Part of growing up

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