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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've lost my mum

143 replies

Disinterested · 30/12/2016 19:13

My beautiful mum died yesterday. Totally unexpected. I am lost. I am 25 and have a partner of 7 years, he lost his dad when he was 18 but i dont think he understands how awful i feel. I cqnt imagine life without her and each breath i take is painful. Sorry if this is incoherent but my heart is broken. Please tell me it gets better.

OP posts:
ellesbellesxxx · 30/12/2016 19:14

So so sorry to read this Flowers

Parrish · 30/12/2016 19:14

Very sorry to hear this awful news.

callmeadoctor · 30/12/2016 19:14

It will get better xxxxx Flowers I lost my mum when I was 28 xxx

SugarMiceInTheRain · 30/12/2016 19:15

I don't know what to say, except that I am sorry for your loss. I don't think the pain goes away completely but in time it will lessen. Be kind to yourself. Sending hugs.

moglovesselectionboxes · 30/12/2016 19:15

Oh my love I am so sorry Flowers

hidingwithwine · 30/12/2016 19:15

You poor thing. I lost my dad about 18months ago and it does get slower better. It's still unreal in a lot of ways too. Just focus on getting through each day just now Flowers

septembersunshine · 30/12/2016 19:16

I am so sorry op xx

Sleeplessinmybedroom · 30/12/2016 19:17

I'm sorry for your loss. My Mun died when I was 17 and it does get easier I promise.

Sleepingbunnies · 30/12/2016 19:17

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum when I was 4. It sucks :( Flowers

BookHunter · 30/12/2016 19:18

So sorry x

nokidshere · 30/12/2016 19:18

I'm so sorry Flowers

My husband lost his mum (my wonderful MIL) last Thursday and we still haven't got over the shock. One day, or even hour at a time is more than enough to manage.

BlackCelebration · 30/12/2016 19:18

I'm so very sorry. It really is just getting through one minute at a time at the moment sweetheart. Many many condolences for your loss Flowers

DonutParade · 30/12/2016 19:19

I'm so sorry for your loss.

FetchezLaVache · 30/12/2016 19:19

So sorry to read this, Disinterested. You must be in shock as well as grieving. Take good care of yourself.

Binkybix · 30/12/2016 19:20

Yes, it will get easier. Even though it feels impossible to get through the next minute now, you will. And eventually it will be ok apart from the odd time, although it will change you.

You poor thing. Xxxx

Claref80 · 30/12/2016 19:21

I am so sorry to hear this. I do know how you feel - my mum died two years ago, completely out the blue, just like yours, and far too young. The first day or so are absolutely horrendous and I couldn't eat or sleep. However, I promise it slowly gets better. Of course I will always miss her, and from time to time things make me sad or cry, but I make sure to remember all the happy times and talk about her lots, which helps me. Look after yourself, life will get better again xx

steff13 · 30/12/2016 19:22

I'm sorry. I lost my mom when I was 24. On December 15th. The pain lessens over time, but it will always hurt. I lost my dad when I was 21, and while it still hurts, it's not the same. It's different for a woman to lose her mother, I think.

Be kind to yourself, it's ok to feel sad and be a bit selfish now. It'll get a little easier every day. I still have bad days, her birthday, mother's day, etc., but by and large it's easier.

Stilllivinginazoo · 30/12/2016 19:22

I lost mine at 17,my dad last week(a lot of years later!)there's a support thread in bereavement if you want pop over for those that have lost a parent(I'm sorry I can't do linkies)we listen each other and can offer bit support/understanding.x

manandbeast · 30/12/2016 19:24

My half sister lost her mum aged 21. It's been a very hard journey but she's getting better. Do you have people around who can help you? Flowers

WineCheeseSleep · 30/12/2016 19:25

So sorry Flowers. I was the same age as you when my Mum died although it wasn't such a shock as she'd been ill.

It will get better I promise. Keep taking it day by day and try and find something to focus on once things have calmed down a little. For me it was sport and TV, I kind of buried myself in them for a while. Eventually you'll be a few months down the line and it won't feel so raw. My family really clung together and that really helped, I hope you have that too.

Oly5 · 30/12/2016 19:26

I'm so sorry for your loss!! Do you want to tell us about your beautiful mum? How did you lose her? Sometimes life is so cruel and unfair.

dollydaydream114 · 30/12/2016 19:26

I'm so, so sorry to hear that. You must feel absolutely broken, particularly as it was unexpected. My heart honestly does go out to you.

There is probably nothing anyone can say at this point that seems even remotely adequate, but all I can say is that what you're feeling now is absolutely normal in the immediate aftermath of losing someone so loved. I know it's hard (and I know exactly what you mean about each breath being painful; I've experienced that too and it's awful) and I know it seems unbearable. It will seem at first as if nobody understands and it will seem inexplicable that life is carrying on around you when such a huge thing has happened in your life.

However, I promise you it does get better. It might take a long time, and of course, losing your mum will always be sad and you won't just stop missing her. But you will, eventually, start to feel more stable, and then you'll start to feel more 'normal' in the sense that your life will carry on, and then one day something will make you laugh - you might feel guilty about laughing, but then you'll remember that your mum would have loved to see you laugh and you'll feel a little bit better. Finally, you'll be able to remember your mum and smile about the happy times.

Take as long as you need to come to terms with this, don't be afraid to talk about how you feel, and take care xxxxxxxx

Original poster
Disinterested · 30/12/2016 19:30

Thank you all for your kind words, i have read them all. I am just totally lost, and if i ever feel like this usually then i call my mum.When you're poorly, no matter how old you are, all you want is your mum and I just want a hug. I can't see my life without her and can't see beyond her.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedBySantaSpartacus · 30/12/2016 19:30

So sorry sweetheart.

It's 14 years tomorrow since I lost my mum. And dad died in April. But I am no spring chicken.

It must be so hard for you. But it will get easier I promise.

💐

chipshopdrama · 30/12/2016 19:31

Flowers What happened? You sound in shock x