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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've lost my mum

143 replies

Disinterested · 30/12/2016 19:13

My beautiful mum died yesterday. Totally unexpected. I am lost. I am 25 and have a partner of 7 years, he lost his dad when he was 18 but i dont think he understands how awful i feel. I cqnt imagine life without her and each breath i take is painful. Sorry if this is incoherent but my heart is broken. Please tell me it gets better.

OP posts:
uncoolnn · 30/12/2016 20:22

Flowers So sorry disinterested, thoughts are with you x

Mrsglitterfairy · 30/12/2016 20:24

Not even sure what this post is about other than to brag about how lovely my mum is
Brag away! Your mum sounds fab!

Sallystyle · 30/12/2016 20:26

Oh sweetheart Thanks

I am so sorry for your loss. I am so close to my mum and can't imagine not being able to speak to her every day. I can only imagine the pain you are in right now. She sounds amazing and she was far too young to die :(

I really am sorry Thanks

galaxygirl45 · 30/12/2016 20:26

So very sorry for your loss Flowers life can just be really shit sometimes. You all must be in complete shock.

CaraAspen · 30/12/2016 20:27

Sorry for your loss.Flowers

frenchfancy81 · 30/12/2016 20:28

Lots of love to you x

LockedOutOfMN · 30/12/2016 20:29

So sad to hear this, OP. Lots of love. Thinking of you.

iogo · 30/12/2016 20:30

Oh sweetheart. I am so sorry. I lost my mum when I was 33 and while in some ways we were glad for her (she had MND for 3 years and fought right to the end, is freaky was a release for her and she was ready) but you are never ready to lose your mum.

I was exactly the same as you. But what Enkopkaffetak has posted is wonderful and exactly how it is. Almost 6 years later and I still get those 100ft waves. But I also get lovely little ones. I live abroad and my dad and brother have just visited. Seeing my brother on the ice with my two kids and DH sent warmth through my heart because my mum would have LOVED seeing that (ice hockey family).

Take care of yourself. Xx

OliviaStabler · 30/12/2016 20:31

I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

I lost my Mum when I was 29. Time does not heal, that is a load of rubbish, but you do learn to live with it; eventually. She was the centre of my universe and when she died, I was lost. It took me a long time to start living again. But you do live again. It is hard to even comprehend that it will happen, but it does.

Look after yourself. Be kind to yourself.

iogo · 30/12/2016 20:31

Oh, and brag away. I love talking about how wonderful my mum was and I love hearing about others too. Xxx

Lynnm63 · 30/12/2016 20:32

So sorry, it's hard but you learn to live with it. I still miss her after 13 years. My twins were a few weeks old when she died, she'd never met them as they were in scbu and she wasn't well. She wasn't expected to die though.
Some days still hurt, when dc do something I know she'd be proud of I want to call her. I used to speak to her daily and see her several times a week. I'm not ashamed to say I cried a lot that first year. I think if her on Mother's Day and Christmas or if a song she liked comes on the radio it hurts but it's a twinge now rather than a knock out blow it once was.

PlumsGalore · 30/12/2016 20:33

Shit, shit, shit. I am man so sorry for you. I can't imagine losing mine and I am 50. My own DM lost her mind m when she was 4 and GM 26.

I can't offer any help just big hugs.

So sorry for you xx

PlumsGalore · 30/12/2016 20:34
  • mum not mind.
Gingerbreadmam · 30/12/2016 20:35

i'm so sorry for your loss sweetheart. my dp lost his dm last year at 51. dp was 27. it's far too young on both counts.

please know though that you will get through it. take the time to grieve. my thoughts are with you. im so sorry.

Gingerbreadmam · 30/12/2016 20:35

i'm so sorry for your loss sweetheart. my dp lost his dm last year at 51. dp was 27. it's far too young on both counts.

please know though that you will get through it. take the time to grieve. my thoughts are with you. im so sorry.

asfdgsn · 30/12/2016 20:37

My Nanna (my Mum's mum) died two days ago. I am devastated and can't imagine how I'd manage without my Mum. Your post made my heart ache for you. It may be too soon for this to help but, having lost a few dearly loved people, I found this description of how grief works useful. It doesn't hurt less but with time you feel it less often and when it comes you recognise and process it in a way you can manage.

www.tickld.com/x/old-man-explains-death-and-life-to-grieving-young-man

northernshepherdess · 30/12/2016 20:38

I lost my dad in 2012... and my mother in law 18 days later...my partner went off the rails and chose drugs over us and stayed in him mums house with all the money for many weeks. I was so lonely and sad and having no family here couldn't get away for even a minute.
Its a tough ride... and while you never really get used it, it changes and becomes different somehow.
So... I send wishes that you have plenty gentle moment in your difficult journey and that you have your eyes open to see the little things I believe are messages to let you know they're still nearby in some way xx

Mulberry72 · 30/12/2016 20:40

So sorry for your loss OP Flowers

I lost my amazing Mum 16 months ago, she was diagnosed with cancer while in holiday and died 4 weeks later.

I don't think there is anything that anyone could say just now that would be of any comfort to you, but the only advice I can give you is, be kind to yourself, keep talking and take each day as it comes xx

Temporaryname137 · 30/12/2016 20:41

Ah Op, I've been there - I was about your age when my beautiful mum was there one minute and gone the next. It's the hardest thing imaginable.

You WILL feel better in time, but you will always miss her. For now, stay as close as you can to your family who loved her too, and remember that grief is not linear or logical. So if you feel devastated then angry then ok then devastated then happy for a bit then sad then raging then ok, that's normal. Flowers Flowers Flowers

Temporaryname137 · 30/12/2016 20:41

Ah Op, I've been there - I was about your age when my beautiful mum was there one minute and gone the next. It's the hardest thing imaginable.

You WILL feel better in time, but you will always miss her. For now, stay as close as you can to your family who loved her too, and remember that grief is not linear or logical. So if you feel devastated then angry then ok then devastated then happy for a bit then sad then raging then ok, that's normal. Flowers Flowers Flowers

northernshepherdess · 30/12/2016 20:42

iogo my Mil also had MND for 3 years and she fought right through too.
Miss her every day but my dd is a perfect mini version of her!

user1471462476 · 30/12/2016 20:43

Brag away.I lost my mum suddenly 2 years ago and have never felt pain like it. It will get easier but it is a slow process. Be kind to yourself and at the moment take it hour by hour, you will get through it and you will eventually find a different kind of normal.

Original poster
Disinterested · 30/12/2016 20:45

To every person that has posted tonight, thank you. I didn't expect such a response

My mum was the most beautiful woman born. Myself and my sister were little gits but I was especially troubling. Mum was eternally proud of me

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 30/12/2016 20:45

I lost my Mum earlier this year. I am your Mum's age, so it was more predictable, I knew she was dying and I was able to be with her . All deaths are a shock but when they come out of the blue it is more difficult to process what has happened, so I really feel for you, especially as I imagine there will have to be an inquest? Sudden death can be harder practically as well as emotionally, so lean on your friends, do ask for help and support when you need it, and allow yourself time for it to sink in. You never get over the death of someone so close but it does become part of you, it gets easier to deal with over time. I am very sorry for your loss.

icanteven · 30/12/2016 20:47

I'm so very sorry.

I lost my Mum at 28 and will never stop missing her. She's the very person you want comfort from when you feel like this, which is slightly unhelpful.