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Original poster

I've lost my mum

143 replies

Disinterested · 30/12/2016 19:13

My beautiful mum died yesterday. Totally unexpected. I am lost. I am 25 and have a partner of 7 years, he lost his dad when he was 18 but i dont think he understands how awful i feel. I cqnt imagine life without her and each breath i take is painful. Sorry if this is incoherent but my heart is broken. Please tell me it gets better.

OP posts:
Wendalicious · 30/12/2016 19:32

I'm so sorry for your loss, my mum died last year when I was 38 and I do think it's hard to deal with, that said, days do get easier but I feel like I'm slightly less of who I was before xx

MagicMojito · 30/12/2016 19:33

Flowers for you and yours OP. Take it a day at a time. So sorry for your loss x

christmasstar1 · 30/12/2016 19:33

My Mum died when I was 29. I absolutely promise you that it will get easier. Slowly but surely the good days will outnumber the sad. There will always be times when you will miss her but it will get easier and the pain will subside. Take care xx

formerbabe · 30/12/2016 19:34

I'm so sorry. You are probably in shock. I know it's hard but try to look after yourself, rest and eat if you can. Flowers

lananana · 30/12/2016 19:37

I lost my mum when I was 22 (4 years ago) It does get easier but I know it doesn't feel like it right now. So sorry.

londonrach · 30/12/2016 19:37

Disinterested. The pain lessers in time but your mum will always be with you no matter what you do. That might sound strange but shes is believe me. Just stay strong. 💐💐💐

addstudentdinners2 · 30/12/2016 19:39
Flowers

So sorry. I am the same age as you and can't imagine.

Awks · 30/12/2016 19:40

I'm so sorry x

TweedleDee3TweedleDum · 30/12/2016 19:42

I am so sorry. Flowers

I don't think the sadness ever goes away, it just gets easier to cope with it in time.

Look after yourself.

joystir59 · 30/12/2016 19:43

You are supposed to be devastated and in pain- you just lost your mum- it is normal to feel overwhelming grief. Just Feel it, be sad, cry, do whatever you feel. There is no road map for grief, and it will take time, lots of time for you to process this grief to a point where it isn't overwhelming. Talk about your mum with someone who will listen and keep on talking, crying laughing and feeling for as long as you need to. Let it out. And from my heart to yours- I am so sorry for your loss.

Sung · 30/12/2016 19:43

I'm so sorry Sad Flowers - losing a loving mother leaves such a big hole. As others have said, it does get easier. Look after yourself.

Sleepingbunnies I lost my mum at 4 too. Flowers

WhamBamThankyouGeorge · 30/12/2016 19:43

You have my complete and utter sympathy.
I lost my mum when I was 30 and it wasn't unexpected exactly as she had cancer but I really did think that she would recover.
I can't imagine having no warning at all.
It will be a long road but there will still be ups in between the downs. I remember feeling weird at still feeling hungry or finding something funny or joyful as it felt wrong but then I realised that I could still mourn my beautiful mum and take pleasure in other things. Be kind to yourself. Let you friends support you and know that their intentions are good even if clumsily worded.
I still miss my mum a lot five years on, but I'm ever more grateful for the time we had together and every day I realise that she is still with me in so many ways - from the things she taught me, to the way I look and speak to the things she kept from my childhood which are now passed to my daughter.
Sending strength.

Abraiid2 · 30/12/2016 19:44

So sorry.

nerdymum · 30/12/2016 19:44

It gets better. I lost my mum when I was 30. She had health issues but her death was unexpected and left us in a bit of a shock. I went through the five stages of grief and, at the end, found acceptance. It is indeed an emotional journey, but time lessens the pain. A supportive partner and good friends help inmensely too, don't turn then away.

Your mum will always be with you. Your good memories of her will override any bad ones.

Now I have a baby girl and it makes me sad that my mum is not around but I'll make sure she knows everything about her brave and generous grandma. Smile

Babyroobs · 30/12/2016 19:45

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I lost my mum very suddenly seven years ago and at first thought I could not carry on such was my heartbreak. Things do get better over time, I don't think you ever get over it but you learn to live with your loss and each day becomes a little more bearable. Try to get some bereavement counselling in the months to come if you feel it will help.

PrincessConsuelaTheSecond · 30/12/2016 19:45

I'm so so sorry.

I was you last year. My DM died suddenly and unexpectedly, I was 29 and DB 27.

It DOES get easier. I was I hell for weeks, but the hell got less and less and now it's few and far between.

Take each day minute by minute if you need to. Let other people look after you. Remember to eat even if it isn't much.

Flowers and talk here or on the bereavement board if you need to, MNers got me through it and I have no doubt they'll help you too.

YeOldMa · 30/12/2016 19:45

My DIL's Mum died on her birthday in the spring and she is still finding it a struggle. I keep telling her the first year is the worst as you hit each event where your Mum would normally be key. It is awful for you and I am really sorry for you.

Domino20 · 30/12/2016 19:45

My deepest sympathies to you. Take things slowly.

thisagain · 30/12/2016 19:46

I lost my mum 20 years ago when I was 26. I thought it would never get better at the time, but bit by bit it did. As others have said, the pain you feel now will lessen. I'm still sad I haven't got my mum here but it is not the unbearable pain that I felt initially and you are feeling now. I'm very sorry for your loss. Flowers

icelollycraving · 30/12/2016 19:47

I am so sorry for your loss Flowers
I lost my dad this year. It is painful to lose a parent but one day the pain won't be so raw. Be kind to yourself, grief affects us all very differently.

FannyCradock · 30/12/2016 19:47

My sincerest condolences op Flowers

Original poster
Disinterested · 30/12/2016 19:48

She always loved a drink (sherry is a favourite) and a cigarette. She always loved life and supported me and defended me no matter what. God I adore her. She napped on my sisters sofa saying she needed a ranitidine and five minutes later she was dead. Only 52. I call her twice a day and miss her so much already

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 30/12/2016 19:48

I'm so sorry to hear this Flowers

I lost my mum at 29. I went over to her house and found her, she had died at some point that weekend. It was completely unexpected and a massive shock.

It is horrible and awful. But it does get better. I remember thinking that I wished I was 6 months down the line so that the pain was less raw. Time does tick on and it does get less raw, but it's a painful process getting there. It will define you for a while, and then it starts to get easier - and after a while you find yourself doing things she used to do and saying things she used to say, and smiling about it instead of crying.

My thoughts are with you. Xx

ADishBestEatenCold · 30/12/2016 19:48

I am so sorry about your mum, Disinterested. This pain, especially when so unexpected, cuts through you time and time again. The shock and senselessness is unbearable. I am so sorry.

Would it help at all (as much as anything can help, which I know at the moment, is not really at all) if you told us a bit about your mum? About what happened?

Only if you want to talk, Disinterested. We are all here regardless.

PacificDogwod · 30/12/2016 19:49

My condolences to you Thanks

A sudden death is so much harder to deal with.
She cannot have been an age that her would have been more acceptable and that is so unfair.
Most of us have to anticipate that our parents predecease us, but that does not make it any easier when it happens.
Hugs to you.