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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Couple joining us on holiday

105 replies

FingersAndThumb · 26/12/2016 12:37

I feel so bad about this and need some help rationalising it. DH and I spoke about going to Italy for our anniversary in May and said it would be nice to invite friends to join us. I found a good deal on a hotel we like and booked it for a week. We talked about having a meal on the last night and inviting friends to that. I mentioned it to my step sister and her husband who DH likes and we had discussed inviting them. She asked me for details and I wrongly? gave her our dates for flights and hotels. She then booked the trip so same dates and same hotel.

Initially I thought that was fine but I told DH (on phone he is away working) and he sounded really gutted as he wanted people to stay elsewhere ideally and just join us for the last night. I now feel dreadful as feel I've spoilt things for DH and obviously I can't retract the invitation to my step sister. Now I am panicking about something I was really looking forward to as I feel I will be stuck in the middle managing being polite and friendly with step sister and her husband and panicking that DH will be annoyed they are going to be around all the time.

I told him we won't be together all the time and he says it's fine- in that way you know it isn't. Have I totally messed up? How can I put this right?

OP posts:
TheStoic · 26/12/2016 12:42

I think you need to arrange something else (as well as the Italy trip) for your anniversary, just the two of you.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 26/12/2016 12:43

DH and I spoke about going to Italy for our anniversary in May and said it would be nice to invite friends to join us.

Who said that?

We talked about having a meal on the last night and inviting friends to that

So you both agreed to inviting friends to join you on holiday but they would only be graced with your presence on the last night?

(Shirley I've read that wrong??)

And then you went and invited your step sister and BIL w/o discussing it with your husband?

Xmas Confused
Candlelight123 · 26/12/2016 12:43

Did you actually invite them i.e.: asking them if they wanted to come with you? If you did I think there's nothing you can do. It would be spectacularly rude to do that then state they can only spend the last night with you, or say they need to stay elsewhere.

Original poster
FingersAndThumb · 26/12/2016 12:43

I think it's DH's reaction that's made me feel so bad, I thought he would be pleased, after all we had actively made a decision to invite people.

OP posts:
KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 26/12/2016 12:43

Change your flights and hotel.

Go to a different country. Holland is epic.

harderandharder2breathe · 26/12/2016 12:44

I think it's weird to invite people to join you but to insist they stay somewhere else!

You're all adults, surely you can agree dats that you'll go off as individual couples and do your own thing?

RNBrie · 26/12/2016 12:45

I think it is beyond weird to invite people away with you but expect them to only join you for one meal - is that really what your husband expected??! Is that a normal thing he does with his friends? I'd think it was totally bizarre if someone pitched that to me as an idea.

So I don't think you can fix it. If your step sister has already paid for the holiday, it would be unreasonable to ask her to cancel it so I think you should just get on with it and think more carefully next time!!

pinkyredrose · 26/12/2016 12:45

You wanted people to join you and now they're joining you. Your DH IBU.

Katisha · 26/12/2016 12:46

How do you invite people to join you for a dinner in Italy and then say to them that in order to do so they must book a totally separate holiday from you and only meet up for this dinner? He hasn't thought it through.

DollyPlastic · 26/12/2016 12:46

Come on holiday with us and we'll let you join us for the last evening only.

Weird.

Daisyfrumps · 26/12/2016 12:47

Your DH's expectations were ridiculous.

'Joining you on holiday' is categorically different to 'joining you for a meal'

Therefore you wnbu - he didn't communicate with you clearly.

Who would want to go on holiday at the same time as friends, purely to meet up for just a few hours? Bonkers.

Original poster
FingersAndThumb · 26/12/2016 12:47

verybitchy

DH suggested inviting a load of people for it he was really up for it it wasn't my suggestion but I agreed and we were both happy about that.

I think he must have been of the understanding people would have stayed elsewhere in the city and all of us got together on the last night whereas I obviously was thinking people would be in our hotel if they want or elsewhere (hadn't thought / talked it through properly). I don't think this couple will want to spend all their time with us anyway but he's obviously not happy.

OP posts:
coconutpie · 26/12/2016 12:47

What? So you're going on holiday abroad and want to invite people to join you for dinner on one night in particular? WTF? You don't just invite somebody to join you for dinner in a foreign country without them thinking they are invited for the entire holiday. You and DH fucked up here.

longdiling · 26/12/2016 12:47

I think the concept of inviting people on holiday but wanting them to stay somewhere else and only join you for one meal is really really strange and rude! He/you couldn't really have expected people to go to the expense and trouble of booking a holiday in Italy because you want to eat one meal with them?!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/12/2016 12:48

I don't think you can blame your step sister for thinkimg you had invited them to the whole thing. I would find it odd, unless spelt out, that we were only invited to one meal after travelling all the way to Italy at your suggestion.

I'd now treat this as a weekend away including the other two and book something else for just the two of you.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 26/12/2016 12:48

verybitchy DH suggested inviting a load of people for it he was really up for it it wasn't my suggestion but I agreed and we were both happy about that.

Oh right.

Well, HELL MEND HIM then.

DragonMamma · 26/12/2016 12:50

How odd. He wants to invite people to Italy but doesn't actually want to spend any time with them, save a few hours one evening?

Very weird behaviour.

Original poster
FingersAndThumb · 26/12/2016 12:50

I totally agree with that consensus about people joining for one meal is a bit mad- he had some friends who would do that kind of thing, they would just make a holiday with their wife for example and join in for one day.

How can I now speak to my step sister about us separating off for various days? I don't see how it can work when we are all in the same hotel. I obviously thought DH would be fine with this but he really isn't and now I'm starting to doubt myself and think I misread him completely.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/12/2016 12:51

You can't, without the risk of pissing her off.

RichardBucket · 26/12/2016 12:51

Your husband's idea was really strange and unreasonable - invite a load of people on holiday but only see them on one evening? Confused

YANBU at all.

RichardBucket · 26/12/2016 12:52

How can I now speak to my step sister about us separating off for various days?

Don't make a big thing of it. Most people would expect to have a few days to themselves, doing their own thing. Spending 16 hours a day with another couple is stifling for most people.

But if you do book or plan anything, DON'T tell your step-sister in case she books the same thing!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 26/12/2016 12:53

How can I now speak to my step sister about us separating off for various days?

Er, not possible. Has she already booked? Xmas Sad

I would think you were an inconsiderate flake and your husband a selfish weirdo in her position. (sorry!)

longdiling · 26/12/2016 12:54

You can't now fuck off your poor step sister who has booked this holiday at your bequest! You and dh will have to suck it up and do so gracefully, she's done nothing wrong. Book a separate romantic getaway for just the two of you if that's really so important

Original poster
FingersAndThumb · 26/12/2016 12:55

I am so gutted at his reaction if he was excited and happy about this it would be great and I would be 100% happy with the plans but feel it's all ruined and I'm going to be piggy in the middle now.

OP posts:
RoseGoldHippie · 26/12/2016 12:57

Can you just explain what you/your DH think inviting people on holiday means?

It sounds like you expect to be able to dictate the country of another couples holiday, demand they do not stay in the same hotel as you and then give them an allocated evening where they are actually allowed to see you?

Please tell me this is my misunderstanding and that you did not actually think this was an okay thing to do!

I don't think you would be unreasonable to be upset if you had just told someone you were going on holiday and they booked it too. I would be fuming! But not if you invited them!!

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