Couple joining us on holiday

[FingersAndThumb]

I feel so bad about this and need some help rationalising it. DH and I spoke about going to Italy for our anniversary in May and said it would be nice to invite friends to join us. I found a good deal on a hotel we like and booked it for a week. We talked about having a meal on the last night and inviting friends to that. I mentioned it to my step sister and her husband who DH likes and we had discussed inviting them. She asked me for details and I wrongly? gave her our dates for flights and hotels. She then booked the trip so same dates and same hotel.

Initially I thought that was fine but I told DH (on phone he is away working) and he sounded really gutted as he wanted people to stay elsewhere ideally and just join us for the last night. I now feel dreadful as feel I've spoilt things for DH and obviously I can't retract the invitation to my step sister. Now I am panicking about something I was really looking forward to as I feel I will be stuck in the middle managing being polite and friendly with step sister and her husband and panicking that DH will be annoyed they are going to be around all the time.

I told him we won't be together all the time and he says it's fine- in that way you know it isn't. Have I totally messed up? How can I put this right?

You're fine Vlad no offence taken!!!

You're going to have to make this into a holiday with your sister and her DH and celebrate your anniversary too with them and then when you're both home you can hold a belated meal with DH and have a second celebration.

Not going to put the boot in about how your DH is unthinking etc but I'd caution him to leave his bright ideas to himself unless they're thought through. I also hope that he behaves on this holiday and is nice and hospitable to your sister and her husband!

You can arrange to have separate outings whilst you're there too.

BrightOranges

Well that's just you and my DH then...

Why would your husband assume all your friends even want to go on holiday to the same place as you and at the same time, purely for the sake of having dinner with you? It's fine if they were thinking of going to the same destination at some point anyway, but the chances are they weren't. In that situation, I might well go for it because I would value my friends' company and the chance to spend some quality time with them. However, if they were telling me that they expected to use my valuable holiday time and money on travelling to a destination I wouldn't choose otherwise purely for the sake of having dinner with them one evening, I think I'd be dining out on the story of their weird behaviour. Yes, I can always refuse, but let's face it, anyone would refuse, and would probably re-evaluate the friendship.

Your mistake was in assuming that your husband was envisaging a reasonably normal arrangement rather than this deeply strange one. Tell him that next time he has a fantasy that loads of friends want to spend hundreds of pounds for the sake of a few hours in his company, he can be the one issuing the invitations and watching their reactions.

BrightOranges - I'm up for dinner in the South of France.

I'll bring the pre-dinner drinks, I'll just pop to Ireland for some whisky and then California for some wine. I'll see you there, yeah.

I think your best course of action now would to reverse it all. Spend time with your step sister on the trip but say you've booked yourselves a lovely but private dinner for 2 on the last night. That's much more reasonable than summoning them for one night only, from their pre-approved hotel on the other side of the canal 😂

I think its a bit much to expect people to come to Italy on a holiday just for one meal!!!! That is really what you dh is saying! Its ridiculous.
I think in reality, your holiday will pan out just fine. I think your dad is right and you are overthinking it. I think that they wont want to spend day in day out with you both either. You will see each other at breakfast, do your own thing, then meet for dinner if you are not out doing something else that day. That sounds nice :)

I'm in for France. I'll stay inSwitzerland tho' and I'll come for dinner only....

Why not Monaco if we're going all out? Still in Europe but with much better shopping prospects.

You know there is a marvellous thing called "the local pub". If you wish to go out for a meal with friends to celebrate your anniversary then that is an appropriate venue. The is also a marvellous place called Italy. That is somewhere that you go for a holiday. Either alone or with friends. But if you go with friends then you are indeed on holiday with these friends.

Fuck it, let's all go to Vegas!

See you at the Bellagio for Brunch tomorrow!

I'm astounded by the arrogance of expecting people that travel abroad to join you for dinner!

This is so bizarre!

OP do you and DH normally socialise a lot with your SS & BIL? If you do then surely you are close enough to say there's been a mix up in comms and that you will be ahving a few days alone to celebrate your anniversary?

If you don't then I can't imagine why they were your first thought to invite on holiday with you.

I just can't understand what either yourself or your DH were thinking.

He thinks I should have just invited them to dinner in Italy and they should have independently made their own arrangements around that if they wanted to come.

Bonkers - 100% solid gold diamond encrusted fucking bonkers

What a tit

Have you told him how ridiculous he's being op?

He is being an epic bell end

I will when I see him I'll be able to get a better impression of how he's being about everything face to face too. That's tonight.

So have we decided where we're going? France, Vegas or Monaco? Could do all three if really up for it.

France.
Vegas and Monaco?
Just no, darling.
Seriously OP, does your DH think he is the actual centre of the universe?

Bit controlling of your husband to suggest an idea, let you make it happen, then make you feel all worried and guilty. Not a nice way to behave.

If he really believes that people would be thrilled to travel for dinner in Italy on his behest then he is also a pompous arse.

It worries that you are worried about his reaction. Suggests he's done this before.

The more I think about is the more off the wall it seems.

So basically he expects your friends to like you two enough to allow him to dictate the location of their holiday (whilst banning them from the nicest hotel in the area) and the dates of their holiday (whilst banning them from the most convenient flights at that time) but he doesn't like them enough to actually spend a holiday with them.

Oh - and this isn't for an amazing one off occasion like a wedding - where maybe you would just about be willing to suck it up as it is once in a lifetime - but for an anniversary. You do realise that most of us have anniversaries every year right????

Ok - so the friends could say no but they would undoubtedly think worse of you both for asking. (Just as I would think worse of my friends if my friends asked for a£3000 gift for their birthday for no reason). Or they would (naturally) think that no one could be that self centred and so the would be a muddle. Which there now is.

You can't spend the whole run up to the trip worrying about this, so if your DH gives you any grief about it tonight, have a fight. Point out it's his fault for making ridiculous suggestions and then changing his mind about them. It's worth the hassle now to make sure it's accepted before you get there as a misunderstanding you are both going to make the best of not something fingers has to feel guilty about.

Then invite him for a single glass of prosecco in Buenos Aires.

Let's all see the New Year in that random island off the cost of New Zealand where it becomes 2017 before anywhere else.

Let's all travel separately though, obvs.

Meet you on the beach at 11.58pm and be gone by 12.01am. Bring your own fizz.