Couple joining us on holiday

[FingersAndThumb]

I feel so bad about this and need some help rationalising it. DH and I spoke about going to Italy for our anniversary in May and said it would be nice to invite friends to join us. I found a good deal on a hotel we like and booked it for a week. We talked about having a meal on the last night and inviting friends to that. I mentioned it to my step sister and her husband who DH likes and we had discussed inviting them. She asked me for details and I wrongly? gave her our dates for flights and hotels. She then booked the trip so same dates and same hotel.

Initially I thought that was fine but I told DH (on phone he is away working) and he sounded really gutted as he wanted people to stay elsewhere ideally and just join us for the last night. I now feel dreadful as feel I've spoilt things for DH and obviously I can't retract the invitation to my step sister. Now I am panicking about something I was really looking forward to as I feel I will be stuck in the middle managing being polite and friendly with step sister and her husband and panicking that DH will be annoyed they are going to be around all the time.

I told him we won't be together all the time and he says it's fine- in that way you know it isn't. Have I totally messed up? How can I put this right?

It sounds really mad of your DH to think anyone would want to travel to Europe for one dinner with you, and I do think you need a conversation with him about that. What would he think if another friend invited you on that basis?

For immediate purposes, can you book a few day trips for two, and tell him that you're not going to tell anyone else about it so you have a cast-iron reason to disappear on your own for at least some of the time?

So what you're really doing is telling people to book a holiday to Italy when you're going and then meet up with you for a meal on the last night?
Weird.
Surely if you away with other people, you go away with them?
Yes, you can then do a few things on your own and maybe not have every meal together etc but you're asking two people to spend money on a holiday and flights to have tea with you??

He thinks I should have just invited them to dinner in Italy

😂😂 You cannot be serious. On what planet do you randomly invite people to dinner (and ONLY dinner) in another country?! I won't even comment on the hotel ban... Rude and spectactularly bizarre.

*spectacularly even

So weird. Your DH really should have clarified what he meant when he had the idea to bring another couple along. It's booked now though. You'll have to spend more than one evening with them to avoid being rude.

This is the wackiest thing I've ever heard of!!??
'We'd love you to join us for dinner to celebrate our anniversary'
'Yes! That sounds lovely! Where?'
'Italy'
'Italy??'
'Yes. So book flights/hotels/car parking/ as long as it's not the hotel we're going to. oh! And if possible stay somewhere where we won't bump into you, we don't want to see you at anytime EXCEPT you can join us for dinner on our last evening!'
'Wow!! Who could refuse! Thank you, thank you!!'

lovewineandchocs

Yes I can see written down it's bizarre but I know my husband doesn't think it is- he would say it's just an invitation and they don't have to come.

You're right though I'm sure in practice it will be fine I just hope other people come along to dilute it a bit. And when I say "come along" I don't just mean for dinner I mean for the whole thing!

You DH sounds like a prize idiot. He tells you he would like friends to join you on your holiday but assumes that you will guess that he only means for one night for a meal. No one in their right mind would guess that, and no one sensible would expect you to guess what he meant. Your DH sounds more than a bit controlling and I don't like the way he is making you feel so badly about this. It is not a good sign that he thinks it is ok to make you worried sick over this. Have a good think about his behaviour and how he makes you feel. Read up about narcissistic tendencies.

It must be magic being married to him.....

Why don't you buy your sister a guidebook for the city and just casually say to her "Obviously we will all want to do a bit of our own thing during the trip, so I got you this so you can plan where you'd like to visit during the stay."

We went to Venice for a week a few years ago with MIL, BIL and his girlfriend. We stayed in a villa together but all did our own thing during the day and just met up again for evening meals.

Was the DH hoping to participate in some swinging??

That's the only reason I can think of to meet up with another couple on your anniversary.

Your dh sounds like a tit.

Even the most innocuous of threads can turn into a LTB chorus. It might well be "magic" being married to him cave.

OP, be upfront with your sister - if you were close enough to invite her then you're close enough to say it's your anniversary and you will be spending most of your time checking things out with your H.

olddear I mean.

You had me at "couple joining us on holiday". The only sensible response to anyone making such a suggestion is: No, never, run a mile. It never ends well, no good can come of this.
I go on holiday to get away from people!

Bit late to tell her she can't go now and really it would have been better if your DH was a bit more realistic about if people 'join' you on holiday - very, very odd to just ask people to spend money to go abroad for your anniversary and have one meal with them ..... leave things as they are and book a nice dinner for just the two of you when you return, or tell your sister that on the last night of the holiday you and your DH just want to spend it together

old dear you had me actually lol'ing and I don't ever do that!

LTB??? Never suggested that....

With your little conversation I mean - dinner - yes - where...ITALY?!!!
Remember that episode of Friends where Monica dates the millionnaire?

olddear forgive me, I've been at the bailey's this morning. It was the abuse directed at the husband - we are all able to behave like twats from time to time but unless the OP is due a massive drip feed then I don't see calling the marriage into question necessary in this circumstance.

Your DH sounds like someone who has ideas, enjoys talking about them, but doesn't necessarily expect them to become reality. Especially as he has form for deciding on something and backing out of it a couple of weeks later.

While you think if someone is keen on them, then let's go and make the arrangements.

Holiday in Italy is lovely, wouldn't it be great if it was friends also sounds lovely, it's only when you get into the nitty gritty that you realise you would be stuck with these people and actually just a dinner is better and only meeting up for dinner is madness unless you were all intending to holiday in that town in Italy anyway.

Next time your DH has a great idea, I suggest you ignore it for at least 3 weeks and then suggest he makes the arrangements himself. You'll then know if he was just enjoying talk or actually wanted to do it.

I'm currently a mixture of laughing, cringing and a feeling of sheer dread and angst. It's weird.

I really think you have to invite your husband to join you in the real world, because on this planet we do not expect people to go to great expense to holiday in the same foreign country as us but only to grace them with our presence on the last night.

Seriously, if you had said to me, 'we'd love you to join us on holiday and we'll dine together on the last evening' I would assume you meant we'd also spend time together during the rest of the holiday. As any NORMAL person would.

You and your husband are the ones at fault here. Him for bizarre expectations and you for not telling him to get a grip.

Hey everyone. How about a post Xmas meal? There's a splendid restaurant in the south of France. Who's up for it?

wolpertinger

You've hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately too late to give him time to decide if his idea is actually a good one on this occasion.