Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Couple joining us on holiday

105 replies

FingersAndThumb · 26/12/2016 12:37

I feel so bad about this and need some help rationalising it. DH and I spoke about going to Italy for our anniversary in May and said it would be nice to invite friends to join us. I found a good deal on a hotel we like and booked it for a week. We talked about having a meal on the last night and inviting friends to that. I mentioned it to my step sister and her husband who DH likes and we had discussed inviting them. She asked me for details and I wrongly? gave her our dates for flights and hotels. She then booked the trip so same dates and same hotel.

Initially I thought that was fine but I told DH (on phone he is away working) and he sounded really gutted as he wanted people to stay elsewhere ideally and just join us for the last night. I now feel dreadful as feel I've spoilt things for DH and obviously I can't retract the invitation to my step sister. Now I am panicking about something I was really looking forward to as I feel I will be stuck in the middle managing being polite and friendly with step sister and her husband and panicking that DH will be annoyed they are going to be around all the time.

I told him we won't be together all the time and he says it's fine- in that way you know it isn't. Have I totally messed up? How can I put this right?

OP posts:
Original poster
FingersAndThumb · 26/12/2016 12:59

RoseGold

He thinks I should have just invited them to dinner in Italy and they should have independently made their own arrangements around that if they wanted to come.

OP posts:
mscongeniality · 26/12/2016 12:59

If you say something to her now after she's booked everything she will think you are both very strange and won't be happy. She will think something's happened and your DH doesn't like her and her DH for some reason.

Just leave it and see how it plays out. Your DH will just have to get through and be polite as he's the one being unreasonable.

honeyroar · 26/12/2016 12:59

Could you just say to your sister that as its your anniversary during the trip you've arranged a meal alone together one night and one afternoon activity without your sister? Other than that your DH will have to get over his strange assumption that you can invite people to come away with you and not spend much time with them!

Personally I find it a bit strange to invite other people on an anniversary celebration in the first place.

Original poster
FingersAndThumb · 26/12/2016 13:01

If I just "see how it plays out" do you think it will be ok and they will want to go off by themselves too? How would you be in that situation?

OP posts:
KathArtic · 26/12/2016 13:03

We go away (not abroad tho) with friends and do our own thing during the day or go off separately at the attraction. BUT we would have breakfast and each evening meal with them .

You are odd.

magoria · 26/12/2016 13:05

lol it isn't even a wedding and your DH wants people to pay ££ and take time to come abroad just for an evening meal with you? wow!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 26/12/2016 13:05

I think there's a very good chance they'll want to spend a lot of time with you both. They'll think your husband wanted them there the poor deluded fools.

At the very least, I expect they'll probably want to make meeting up for dinner a nightly thing.

PaulDacresConscience · 26/12/2016 13:05

There is a huge difference between 'join us on holiday' and 'join us for dinner'. It was his idea and if he's not happy with how it has panned out, then he can sort it.

coconutpie · 26/12/2016 13:05

Your DH is being completely and utterly ridiculous. Do not mention any of this to your step-sister, she'll think he's a complete weirdo (which he is). You do not just invite somebody abroad so they can join you for ONE evening meal! You and DH will just have to suck it up. Show your DH this thread so he can see how unreasonable he is being.

Ditsy4 · 26/12/2016 13:10

I can't understand why anyone would invite people on their anniversary holiday to be honest.

Talk to her about the fact that you will both want different things out of the holiday and why not have set days for togetherness and some without so that you both get what you want from the holiday. Make it obvious that you anniversary day will be on your own. If you don't set it out before you go then their will be problems/ misunderstandings.

OliviaBenson · 26/12/2016 13:10

You don't need to say anything to your step sister, what you do need to do is tell your H how rude he is being and how it's upsetting you.

RoseGoldHippie · 26/12/2016 13:10

But the problem is with that OP is when you are expecting people to fly to another country to celebrate your occasion, you should have the common decency to spend some time with them! Not just say 'great we'll see you there! Oh but don't even think about getting the same flight or staying in the same hotel as us!'

Like KathArtic said, you don't have to spend all the time with them and of course separate day trips etc shouldn't be an issue, but breakfast / evening meal is a given when you have INVITED someone to join you on holiday!

longdiling · 26/12/2016 13:10

Do you move in incredibly wealthy circles where this is a 'thing' op?! Or is your dh a bit of a dick who has deliberately set you up with an impossible task so he can berate you about it?! If it was just the two of you on holiday that would be 'wrong' because he really wanted to celebrate with family and friends. Family/friends being on holiday with you is 'wrong' because he really wanted a holiday with just you. Only wondering if he's a dick because you seem pretty upset and anxious about this....

Branleuse · 26/12/2016 13:11

your dh is being a pain in the arse. You both wanted people to join you on your holiday and discussed it. Hes only now changing the goal posts. Tell him to stop being weird about it. Its hardly come out of the blue, and just because theyre staying in the same hotel, doesnt mean youll be joined at the hip

lightswitchedoff · 26/12/2016 13:14

YABVU to expect someone to pay a expensive amount of money to join you for one dinner in Italy

If you wanted to be alone you go on holiday alone and have meal with friends at home or you invite them on holiday and actually holiday with them

Original poster
FingersAndThumb · 26/12/2016 13:14

Thank you your replies are making me feel better I just wish I had been clearer to my sister at the start but I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. Maybe I got over excited and should have waited for a couple of weeks before mentioning it to anyone. DH does have a habit of thinking something is a great idea and when it actually materialises then changes his mind. I definitely won't mention any of this to DSS but I have talked it through with our Dad who says I'm over thinking things and "you know what men are like, he'll be fine" but nothing any less vague than that. So not really helpful.

OP posts:
girlelephant · 26/12/2016 13:17

Fingers your DH is being entirely unreasonable! Now that they have booked I think you need to accept potentially spending the full time together except perhaps one night. You could suggest a "date night" separately per couple.

Ultimately if I was invited on a holiday with another couple I would expect to spend the bulk of time together unless we had different interests in which car I would expect to have breakfast/dinner together and split up during the day to do different sightseeing perhaps if you were interested in spending days differently.

Personally I would get all of you together and talk about what you want out the holiday and then take it from there. Is anyone else going to join the 4 of you now? As if it was a larger group it may then be less intense for your DH.

If it helps I think the blame lies with him for not being clearer he thinks it's the norm to fly to another country to spend one night with friends or family!

pudcat · 26/12/2016 13:20

He thinks I should have just invited them to dinner in Italy and they should have independently made their own arrangements around that if they wanted to come. Hahahaha this is worse than expecting people to pay a lot of money to come to a wedding abroad. Does he have delusions of grandeur?

YorkiesGlasses · 26/12/2016 13:20

Your DH may have so much money to burn that he can just turn up in random European cities to have dinner with friends, but most people are not that lucky. He sounds like he has the thought processes of a child. Tell him to grow up.

mscongeniality · 26/12/2016 13:22

When we went away with another couple, we were on the same flights and booked in the same hotel. I can't remember if we ate breakfast together every morning, but we definitely ate dinner together every night. But I do remember us doing our own thing in the day time at some point so we weren't constantly together.

He can't just decide something will be nice and then when it happens, decide that no it's not what he wants anymore. He will have to be polite and suck it up. If he strops at all they will pick up on it trust me and it could impact your trip anyways.

Lovewineandchocs · 26/12/2016 13:23

He thinks I should have just invited them to dinner in Italy and they should have independently made their own arrangements around that if they wanted to come
I'm sure you can see how ridiculous this is when it's written down. You've done nothing wrong, you've invited other people, that he likes, as it was his idea to do so! It's your anniversary too. Just make the best of it-you're going on holiday to a lovely country with people you like-maybe designate one day entirely to yourselves-plan something lovely and go for a nice meal that night. Just tell the others that you want a day to yourselves to celebrate your anniversary. It will all be fine I'm sure Smile

TheSlaughterOfHerodificado · 26/12/2016 13:24

How can yu invite someone to join you for a single night and not think that they willing to spend time with you? (Assuming none of you are wealthy enough to take your private helicopter to your destination for a few hours . . .)

Actually I think you will have a wonderful time with your DSS and her DH. On this occasion your DH is being a wanker.

VladmirsPoutine · 26/12/2016 13:30

I find it hilarious that you both thought it perfectly reasonable to invite another couple out for dinner in another country

harderandharder2breathe · 26/12/2016 13:31

None of this is your fault.

Your DH wanted to invite people. So you invited them. He only wants them there for one evening. That's just plain weird and not remotely normal unless you're all billionaires.

Original poster
FingersAndThumb · 26/12/2016 13:33

Caveat- we are not millionaires! At all!

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread