Best friend called DD unpleasant names

[Exileinengland1999]

Basically my best friend of 20 yrs doesn't have kids but is ttc at 41. I met her today with my DD who is 4, tired from school and grumpy and had a meltdown. Best friend said 'God that child is a fucking horror'. DD really isn't- she's tired and a normal 4 year old.
I'm really upset! Aibu to say something as I was too shocked at the time!

She called your child 'a fucking horror' right in front of her?

I think a lot of people who don't have kids find tantrums and meltdowns horrifying! I imagine it was said in jest but in case not, tell her she's upset you.

Can you describe this "meltdown?"

Yikes- how rude.

She wasn't being 'spirited'- she was having a meltdown like many tired kids do- but friend did call her a fucking horror in front of DD! That's why I am upset!

Regardless, calling a child a 'fucking horror' is pretty despicable.

To a childless person or a person who's forgotten what young children are like, a child having a tantrum is a "horror". They may not realise that they should have called their behaviour rather than the child horrible.

I think that in future, you shouldn't take tired dd with you to see her. If she has a child, she will realise what kids are like.

Saying it in front of DD is absolutely not okay at all!

Saying it at all is pretty bad too in my book, but some replies here already suggest that maybe they'd expect a bit of honesty if a child was being a fucking horror

Where was the meltdown and how bad was it though?

I mean if it happened at your friends house and your dd was kicking your friends cat up the arse, then your friend would have a point. Need more information

Doesn't really matter if the DD was being "spirited" or not - you don't swear about a child in the presence of the child and it's mother who is supposed to be a friend! Think it even, sure, but don't say it out loud!

If my friend did that, she would no longer be a friend.

Was it a proper full on ASD meltdown or was it a 4 year old tantrum?

Say something to her if you like, but it won't end well - or just keep your distance especially when with DD. When she questions it, say she made it clear she doesn't like being around your DD so you can't see her as often (ie unless you're without DD)

What strange responses. Clearly it is extremely rude to swear about someone/anyone/a child in front of them. However unpleasant your child was being, she s 4 and your friend 10x her age.

LotsoNumbers in which circumstance would it be okay to call a 4yo child a fucking horror in full earshot of the child, just for future reference?

pitta I'd imagine when a child is deliberately smashing things that don't belong to them or deliberately hurting an animal/person.

Well, she's in for a shock with parenthood then

Yanbu, what a cow your friend is. I'd have been fuming 😤

She sounds horrible and most probably jealous op. I wouldn't want anyone swearing about my children and in front of them a totally unacceptable.

I would distance myself and my dd.

That's fucking rude.

Just wait til it's her turn...and laugh and laugh and laugh.

You're not unreasonable to say something to your friend. You're close and have known each other for most of your lives so you are probably like sisters (and sisters can be brutal sometimes.)

She's said something really hurtful and you deserve an apology. When faced with a tantrum, the last thing you need is an onlooker tutting and passing judgement. I hope she is kicking herself for blurting that out.

good to know DearMrP