Best friend called DD unpleasant names

[Exileinengland1999]

Basically my best friend of 20 yrs doesn't have kids but is ttc at 41. I met her today with my DD who is 4, tired from school and grumpy and had a meltdown. Best friend said 'God that child is a fucking horror'. DD really isn't- she's tired and a normal 4 year old.
I'm really upset! Aibu to say something as I was too shocked at the time!

Your friend was rude, it's really not her place to comment, and especially swear in front of your DD. My DS1 (3) is quite often a horror but I don't need to be told, I can quite plainly see!!
However, if you don't have children it can be quite hard to understand their behaviour at times, so even though she was quite rude I really wouldn't take it too seriously. It's not worth losing a friendship over.

Deal breaker? shock some of you are wet lettuces.
This ^ Gold-plated
I'm sitting laughing that people would actually walk permanently away from a best friend of 20 years just because on one occasion the friend described their daughter as 'a fucking horror'! If said child was having that much of a tantrum she won't even have noticed the one single solitary swearword (and has probably heard worse in the playground these days anyway). Kids are horrors. And a £ says the friend was half-joking anyway. Dear oh dear.
(Ducks to avoid being trampled underfoot by the herd of irate drama llamas charging towards her)

I'm never quite sure what a meltdown is, to be honest. It's not a term I've come across anywhere apart from here. Is it just a tantrum, with crying and snot and a bit of refusing to stand up? I'm trying to picture how much of a shock it might have been to your friend, who might have blurted out the first thought she had.

None of mine have ever had a public tantrum and there weren't many at home either, so I might still be shocked by a huge tantrum now, after 4 children. (Not being smug by the way, I am aware that this is purely good luck and not at all good management!). Your friend probably wished she hadn't said it afterwards, and I really doubt she was trying to be spiteful.

I do have a mental image of that scene in Jurassic Park where Dr Grant & the kids are nearly trampled by the smaller dinosaurs (shows ignorance of dinosaur breeds) when the T-Rex chases them. I imagine the irate MNetters swarming in our direction. You can hide behind the tree with me if you want - they won't spot us if we don't move

SVJAA: "But anyone who swears at/about my kids can fuck right off.'

OMG! By that standard, my kids would have no daddy, no uncles, and no grandma! And now that they are teens, they'd have no friends!!

And actually forgot the most important-- NO MOM!!!

Your family sounds pleasant, misshelena

No drama here. I wouldn't mind if it was clearly a joke but what she said was horrible. If you're happy for people to speak in that manner about your kids, then that's your prerogative. I'm not. A good friend simply wouldn't.

I'd have been upset enough to distance myself from her.

Actually Foggy -- YOUR family sounds pleasant! No drama and never a swear word! Foggy von Trapp?

That'd be the end of the friendship for me. You can think what you like, but. You can't say what you like
You say she's TTC, so. She could be jealous and resentful. However. That's no excuse. If she is having difficulties. That is not the fault of anyone. Least of all a 4 year old child.

Tbf the way the OP described the behaviour, not wanting to walk or be carried does sound like the kid was being a fucking horror.

Who cares if the kid was being a horror? That's what kids are like sometimes when they're tired and overwrought after christmas stuff at school. I'm sure OP was stressed enough without her friend making nasty comments. Who makes nasty comments to a four year old? I can excuse a four year old acting like a horror, it's much harder to excuse someone ten times her age behaving terribly.

Hurtful comment but save it till she's got a tantrumming 4 year old! My granny once said to ds who was a baby "oh shut up you noisy little bastard"! We still laugh about it now!

My cousin returned my 3 year old to me the other week and informed me he had been a proper little twat. After hearing his behaviour I was inclined to agree. I wouldn't be too impressed about the swearing in front of him but saying she was a horror wouldn't faze me tbh. By the time you have dc2 you'll have mentally cursed them out and called them every name under the sun. In fact I think my last text to her was asking if she could "watch my hell spawn for a couple hours before I kill them both with a bottle and drink the evidence" It was lighthearted before anyone starts btw.

She's your best friend of 20 years and you can't tell her that her comments were out of order?

I mutter much worse about my own kids. They can be compete and utter little shits when the mood takes them.

I'd have thought it but not said it