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AIBU?

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Original poster

Best friend called DD unpleasant names

121 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 16/12/2016 16:51

Basically my best friend of 20 yrs doesn't have kids but is ttc at 41. I met her today with my DD who is 4, tired from school and grumpy and had a meltdown. Best friend said 'God that child is a fucking horror'. DD really isn't- she's tired and a normal 4 year old.
I'm really upset! Aibu to say something as I was too shocked at the time!

OP posts:
misshelena · 16/12/2016 17:58

Eh. Don't get why so many moms here are so bent out of shape. Seriously precious.

OP - your friend doesn't understand that all 4-yo are "horror shows" sometimes. Cut her some slack, she just doesn't know. I am sure she wasn't trying to offend you.

NerrSnerr · 16/12/2016 18:01

It's not on to say it in earshot of your daughter but me and my best friends would say that about each other's children when they have had bad days. My two year old is currently being a fucking horror after a busy week so I'm hiding in the bath while my husband deals with her!

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/12/2016 18:06

My friend's DD was frequently a 'fucking horror' at that age.

I can't imagine actually voicing that opinion to her in a millions years, though.

YANBU. Your friend sounds like a bit of a horror, and she's old enough to know better.

Atenco · 16/12/2016 18:12

I think I would go with the idea of seeing your friend without your dd in future and explaining to her why.

She was totally out of order, IMHO, but then I am not perfect and I have yet to meet anyone who is perfect, so I wouldn't end a significant friendship for that reason, but I would be mightily put out.

garbagegirl · 16/12/2016 18:13

for the first 9 years of our friendship my best mate did not have kids and I did and yes, at times they behaved like the spawn of the devil I'm sure. But at no time has she EVER sworn at or about my kids (not to my face anyway haha)

Unacceptable.

garbagegirl · 16/12/2016 18:14

Eh. Don't get why so many moms here are so bent out of shape. Seriously precious.

Because its pretty shitting rude?

SVJAA · 16/12/2016 18:16

Eh. Don't get why so many moms here are so bent out of shape. Seriously precious

Nope, not precious at all. Just not having someone swearing about my kid within their earshot. If the friend had said the child was out of order, or grumpy or being a little horror I wouldn't bat an eyelid. But anyone who swears at/about my kids can fuck right off.

SuperFlyHigh · 16/12/2016 18:16

Exactly garbage it's very bloody rude especially as 4 year old is bound to have heard and understood the tone, and if it was sarcastic there's no need for that with a child not old enough (or even old enough) to "get" sarcasm.

SuperFlyHigh · 16/12/2016 18:19

Navy no ones doubting that kids can be horrors etc it's how it was said and also more importantly for me if it was said within earshot of her DD and also OP "knows" her child can be a fucking horror from time to time but she doesn't need or want her friend to put the boot in over it.

NavyandWhite · 16/12/2016 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Serialweightwatcher · 16/12/2016 18:23

She is either jealous that you have a child and she doesn't, or she is miffed that she can't get all the attention when she's with you and your child, or she's just thoughtless and rude .......... she's a woman over 40 who should know not to swear like that 1) infront of a child and 2) infront of AND about the child - I'd text or ring her if it's bugging you and just say you were a bit upset by it and your child shouldn't have to hear that from your friend's mouth - she probably is one of these who doesn't see a child as a person with feelings and just blurted out what she felt at the time, probably embarrassed - don't know if people were watching all this or not

NiceFalafels · 16/12/2016 18:23

You've probably spent hours with friend and child. With child behaving well. I think it's odd that friend couldn't see that the behaviour was linked to tiredness. It doesn't take a genius. She was very rude and unkind.

Shesinfashion · 16/12/2016 18:23

Well she was being a horror, just like most 4 year olds can be. Your friend will find is out herself if she's ever "lucky" enough to have her own kid.

MamaDoGood · 16/12/2016 18:23

What was your reply to your friend OP?

NiceFalafels · 16/12/2016 18:27

She didn't need to swear. She could have said 'oh she's not herself today. How can i help?' Instead of judging. Has your friend never had an off day or bad pmt? Where is the compsssion?

Areyoufree · 16/12/2016 18:29

Best friend? Really? My daughter can be a little horror - indeed, I would go as far as to say she has been a fucking horror all day, but my best friends know her and love her - and know that she is more than her behaviour when she is struggling. To be honest, I wouldn't be happy with the 'that child' reference, never mind the profanity!

OhPuddleducks · 16/12/2016 18:29

Hopefully for her, her dreams of motherhood will be realised.... and then she'll see how totally usual it is for tired, hungry, small children to not fit in around an adult conversation. I was a bit like this - I was a much better parent before I had children. Ho hum. I might have called her on the swearing in case your dd repeats it. I would DEFINITELY file it under "one to remember" and remind her when it's her turn to deal with a tantrumming 4yo.

manicinsomniac · 16/12/2016 18:33

She was very rude. All 4 year olds have meltdowns, especially at the end of terms. And especially at the end of the Christmas term. They're on their knees.

Hell, I finished term 30 minutes ago and I'm not far off meltdown mode at 33!

I can imagine someone without kids thinking it but she was rude to say it. And rude to swear at all in front of someone else's 4 year old. I wouldn't be ending a close friendship over it but I would speak up and say I wasn't ok with it.

BeaveredBadgered · 16/12/2016 18:40

TTC can totally mess with people. Yes, it's not appropriate to call a 4 year old child a fucking horror but she might have been having a bad time and in need of a chat. If she's usually a good friend and kind to your daughter I'd let it go.

Nanny0gg · 16/12/2016 18:42

Absolutely normal behaviour for a tired 4 year-old.

The 'friend' was out of order.

ThenOneFoggyChristmasEve · 16/12/2016 19:12

A little leak of bitterness, I reckon.

Deal breaker for me. No one says that about my child except me 😐 I can't believe there are people implying it was justified by the kids behaviour.

ThenOneFoggyChristmasEve · 16/12/2016 19:13

Nah. TTC has nothing to do with it. She's just mean spirited.

ThenOneFoggyChristmasEve · 16/12/2016 19:14

Or she has been feeling like this about you/your DD for a while and just let it slip out this time. No excuse for it.

To quote the legendary Roz Doyle, I'd dump her like radioactive waste.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 16/12/2016 19:25

I would have turned around and said yes but she's four.... what's your excuse for being a complete bitch?

wtffgs · 16/12/2016 19:33

Exhausted Reception-age child has meltdown at the end of the Christmas term after lots of carols, excited classmates, trees and class parties........ No shit, Sherlock!

Your friend sounds a bit of a cow TBH. And no, infertility is not a free pass to be horrible about other people's kids. I hope she gets pregnant very soon and discovers all small children (and their larger versions) are not entirely rational, well-behaved beings Wink

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