Best friend called DD unpleasant names

[Exileinengland1999]

Basically my best friend of 20 yrs doesn't have kids but is ttc at 41. I met her today with my DD who is 4, tired from school and grumpy and had a meltdown. Best friend said 'God that child is a fucking horror'. DD really isn't- she's tired and a normal 4 year old.
I'm really upset! Aibu to say something as I was too shocked at the time!

While I can understand being a bit fed up with tantrums (I seem to spend my days dealing with them so I'm well used to it!), there is never a reason to call a child a "fucking horror". That's just a really shit thing to do. If one of my friend's kids is having a tantrum, I either say nothing or sympathise. Tired kids get stroppy, it's just what happens. Fwiw if it were me I'd have taken DD by the hand and walked off without a word.

How rude of her, TBH I wouldn't want to see someone again who spoke like that about my child.

Long distance - I would suggest there are more effective ways of dealing with a child smashing things than swearing about them. Although maybe Bravo would be interested in commissioning 'Super fucking nanny' - give them a call.

That's awful OP YANBU! What did you say in response?

I suspect you'll have far more people being pissed off at the use of the word 'meltdown' on here than you will people agreeing with you I'm afraid though 🙄

Sorry longdistance! Not you. The peculiar MrP

navy beat me to it, regarding the jealous comment..

DD was having a tantrum because she didn't want to walk up the hill but didn't want to be carried either. She stopped, refused to move, cried and didn't know what she wanted. It was a tantrum.
I'm upset because she called my child a fucking horror!! Obviously! She's my child- she's a bit stroppy and a normal 4 year old. She's normally well behaved and has had a great term in school with good feedback from teacher. But when tired she can be stroppy but honestly nothing bad!

heebie of course there is, however all I said was I'd agree that a child was a horror if they were kicking a cat up the arse - which doesn't seem to be the situation here. So isn't really relevant, I just wondered what the background was.

Just tell her although you appreciate she didn't appreciate your DD's meltdown that to call your DD a "fucking horror" in front of her and presumably within earshot of your DD isn't on, especially the swear word!

Be prepared for her to maybe counter that "it was only meant in jest!" Etc.

What was your kid doing, screaming and throwing themselves around? What were you doing while she was kicking off?

No YADNBU!

Ahh that's normal 4yr old behaviour then, I wondered if a piece of information had been missed out but clearly not.

Tell your friend that you and your horror child won't darken her doorstep again. She sounds ridiculous, I thought your dd did something dreadful for that sort of reaction.

pinky OP has explained what her DD was doing, what more explanation do you actually want??!!

Although is your friend usually like this? If not I'd check if something's wrong first, maybe the ttc isn't going well and she's having a crap time.

Navy she doesn't need to fall out with her but certainly if it were my child I wouldn't appreciate:-

A) sarcasm - if it was said like that
B) swearing and calling child a name
C) presumably friend has known OP years (said so in OP) so it's not like she's maybe not witnessed this before, is it a comment on OP's parenting etc??!!

No cats were harmed in this situation, MrD

I was struggling with my tantruming toddler in a supermarket once. He went all rigid on the floor, crying and refusing to move. I looked up to see an elderly man shaking his head and muttering, "she needs supernanny" to his wife.

I wrestled him back to the car and cried.

(My son, not the old man!)

No that's not cool. I don't think it's an acceptable thing to say to any parent about their child, regardless of the behavior. I'd have got very irritated at that.

It's a bit late to say something now.

But you do need to practice standing up for your child.

It's not nice to have an adult call you a 'fucking' anything and watch your parent stand by, without sticking up for you.

I hope your friend gets pregnant very soon. She will soon learn.

What your friend said was insensitive and unwarranted. I imagine it came from a place of fear and self preservation where she is preparing herself for the possibility that she may not conceive at 41 and is trying to remind herself of all the things about having children that are unpleasant and that there are upsides to being child free.

Try not to take it too much to heart, even though she was undoubtedly a bit of a cow.

lost I imagine the elderly man never did any child raising when his children were small - that would have been woman's work[wink, so he has no idea how difficult it can be. I'm very surprised he knew about super nanny though!