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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

burgled- I blame DH

122 replies

miniplaty · 27/11/2016 17:40

We were burgled 2 weeks ago. Theives broke into our house and stole money, laptop, phones etc. Horrible to think that we were all sleeping metres away. I blame dh. I have been telling him for the last couple of years that our house is too dark. We have 2 outdoor lights but they weren't working. I've tried a couple of times to change them but it's difficult as they're high up. I've repeatedly told him but he has done nothing about it. I am always the one checking that the front door and back door are locked. He never checks. AIBU for being so angry with him?

OP posts:
IfartInYourGeneralDirection · 27/11/2016 17:41

Blame the burglars.

TheWoodlander · 27/11/2016 17:43

Er, not really. Well, it depends how they actually got in. Are you sure the lights would have prevented it?

Artandco · 27/11/2016 17:43

Most houses are dark at night aren't they? When everyone's asleep most lights are off

Guavaf1sh · 27/11/2016 17:44

Agree. The burglars are at fault. Your DH must be feeling down about the burglary too and you're making it worse

Northernlurker · 27/11/2016 17:45

Unless your dh wears a striped jumper and has a bag marked 'swag' then yabu.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/11/2016 17:45

Yes you are being unreasonable to blame your husband, how awful of you! He was burgled too you know.

I work very closely with offenders, I assure you a couple of lights will not deter a burglar if they want to come in. It really isn't his fault, you were just unlucky to be targeted.

Cucumber5 · 27/11/2016 17:45

Hire an electrician to sort the lights out?

GreenTureen · 27/11/2016 17:45

Unless your dh was one of them, yes YABU.

usual · 27/11/2016 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Believeitornot · 27/11/2016 17:45

Why didn't you do something about it?

PurpleDaisies · 27/11/2016 17:45

Did they get in through unlocked doors?
Can burglars see that doors are unlocked without testing them? I'm guessing most get in by other methods...
I think you're being too harsh on your husband.

Original poster
miniplaty · 27/11/2016 17:46

ok, maybe I just need someone to blame! But if our house had been well lit they wouldn't have got in

OP posts:
P1nkP0ppy · 27/11/2016 17:46

The lights wouldn't have made any difference, the burglars are to blame not DH. They would have waited to see if anyone responded to the lights then entered if no response. I wouldn't wake up if our security lights came on!

You need a burglar alarm and secure door and window locks.

PurpleDaisies · 27/11/2016 17:46

But if our house had been well lit they wouldn't have got in

Why not?

Northernlurker · 27/11/2016 17:47

Burglars don't explode when light shines on them you know. How did they get in?

PNGirl · 27/11/2016 17:48

Was the door unlocked? If not then who checks them is irrelevant.

Burglars case houses first to see which have alarms. They don't randomly lurk about and pick ones that don't have a light in the back garden. Cats, birds, and even spiders can set off security lights.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 27/11/2016 17:48

Blame the burglars. I've experienced it too and it's horrible to say the least, but it's not your dhs fault.

If the lights are high up why didn't you just get a ladder, or call a handyman in to sort then and extra lighting if it was so important to you? Probably, like most of us, because you had a hundred other things on your mind and it wasn't a priority at the time (I was furious at myself for not having an alarm fitted as I'd planned to). Don't blame dh or yourself, thieves unfortunately will steal if they can. Blaming each other won't help

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/11/2016 17:49

Its the burglars that are fully to blame. Even if every door was left open. That does not give people the right to enter and violate your home.
If I had my way. I'd chop their fucking hands off.

WhooooAmI24601 · 27/11/2016 17:50

I'm not a big fan of the whole women-being-too-week-to-climb-a-ladder (unless you genuinely can't for physical reasons) thing because, frankly, if I thought something wasn't secure enough in our home, I'd fix it. It's not a man's job to secure the home, it's everyone's job. You get out your ladder and your Big Girl Pants and do stuff, and if you don't know how, Youtube it and learn.

Blaming him will only lead to him resenting you. How would you feel if he blamed you for not getting off your arse and fixing the lights? If he went on and on about something you couldn't go back in time and sort out? It's done; learn your lessons, secure your home and let it go.

SomethingLikeFlying · 27/11/2016 17:50

How did they get in? Was the door unlocked or did they smash a window?

BitchQueen90 · 27/11/2016 17:50

I also work with some offenders and a lot of burglars operate in the day when people are likely to be at work or out so I don't think lighting has much to do with it.

How did they get in? Were the doors unlocked?

LIZS · 27/11/2016 17:50

If they were bold enough to break in while you were in the odd light would make no difference.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 27/11/2016 17:50

Oh, and as for lighting, we have high security lights all round the house which made no difference - they broke in in broad daylight. Sad

Eolian · 27/11/2016 17:50

Oh, good to know that if we all have lots of outside lights, then house burglary will no longer exist! Confused . YABU, obviously.

Whisky2014 · 27/11/2016 17:51

It's high up? Get a ladder and do it yourself. Just because the house has an extra bulb on the outside doesnt mean you wouldn't have been burgled...