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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

burgled- I blame DH

122 replies

miniplaty · 27/11/2016 17:40

We were burgled 2 weeks ago. Theives broke into our house and stole money, laptop, phones etc. Horrible to think that we were all sleeping metres away. I blame dh. I have been telling him for the last couple of years that our house is too dark. We have 2 outdoor lights but they weren't working. I've tried a couple of times to change them but it's difficult as they're high up. I've repeatedly told him but he has done nothing about it. I am always the one checking that the front door and back door are locked. He never checks. AIBU for being so angry with him?

OP posts:
Craigie · 28/11/2016 18:29

YABTU. It's the burglars fault, not your husbands.

Emu1981 · 28/11/2016 18:53

I see where you're coming from but you have to take responsibility for these issues too. I'm hoping you didn't take action because it's the man of the house to sort house issues out. You both live there and should ensure it's in a liveable secure state. Hope you both feel better soon. It's rubbish being broken into

Roversandrhodes · 28/11/2016 19:11

You sound like a nice wife

cheval · 28/11/2016 19:54

My ex was notorious for never locking doors. Actually left kitchen door open when away for a few days!! But I have done likewise. Once bizarrely left front door wide open for couple of hours while in tearing hurry to get to nativity play.
So, no please don't blame him. We all do stupid things. Why not get someone like local crime prevention officers to see how you can improve security and then find a good local handyman.

TheCatsMother99 · 28/11/2016 20:23

We were burgled in broad daylight last year a day before Christmas, including them loading up our car full of our stuff and driving off in it whilst out in the other car. Whether it's dark or light won't matter.

Please stop blaming your husband.

c3pu · 28/11/2016 20:57

Victim blaming much?

It's not ok.

Farmmummy · 28/11/2016 21:04

So sorry this happened to you op and it is a really awful feeling. We have security lights and 4 dogs (3 of which are big, 1 Alsatian 1 lab, 1 Alsatian lab cross who has been known to leave people stuck in vehicles until we turn up and decide if they are worth rescuing) and we were cleared out a couple of years ago

Changebagsandgladrags · 28/11/2016 22:00

I'm sorry you were burgled. It's awful. I was burgled many years ago, I didn't have much at the time so it was hardly worth it. Even now, more than 20 years later I feel the dread if my key doesn't work first time (locked from the inside) and I make the kids wait while I check the house first.

If burglars want to get in, they will. We had an alarm which they ripped off the wall. The house was on a main road, well lit.

Candlestickchick · 28/11/2016 22:12

We were burgled recently, while we were in the house. It was terrifying and we can't sleep properly in the house now. We have an alarm but I had forgotten to put it on that night. If it had gone off, burglar might have fled. Never once has DP tried to blame me for not putting the alarm on. I'd be horrified if he did. I'm pleased you've apologised OP, and I'm sorry this happened to you and your family.

Twogoats · 28/11/2016 22:19

Burglars should have their genitals removed with a rusty spoon.

Rainatnight · 28/11/2016 22:48

fuzzywuzzy that's an incredibly generous sentiment, to feel thank god it wasn't a house full of presents that got burgled! Hats off. And I'm very sorry about your son's present.

GoLightlyHollie · 28/11/2016 23:05

We have security lights, security cameras, Banham locks x 3 on both our main front door plus our lower ground floor door and they still got into it r garden. Not the house itself admittedly but the garden shed and had two bikes worth £10k nicked. Husband left shed open so couldn't even claim on insurance. But pointless blaming DH. It was an accident.
But I digress, the point is, we have every security precaution and it still didn't deter them. Lights not going to make a difference and neither is blaming DH. But it still sucks. It's such a violation.

Woody67 · 28/11/2016 23:43

I live in the middle of no where, no street lights and it's really dark outside so you need a torch to walk down the garden path. My neighbours were burgled during a full moon (it casts a lot of light) because the burglars could see what they were doing.

Regarding Dogs, you would need a barky dog. My auntie had a dog and when they were broken into the dog just watched and they never heard a peep out of him (probably just as well as they were armed with knives).

pamhill64 · 29/11/2016 00:27

Yes YABU but I can understand the need to blame someone, anyone in this distressing incident. It takes time to process, a bit like a bereavement I suppose. However start the fight back by calling the local police crime prevention officer and ask if they have an officer who can show you the weak spots around your home and provide advice to prevent a reoccurrence. Then arrange yourself for the improvements to be done. Hopefully then you'll feel more settled and in control. And remember belongings can be replaced, the real valuables are your loved ones who can't.

SteppingOnToes · 29/11/2016 00:40

It is noone's fault but the burglers...

But why is it your DHs responsibility to sort the lighting out? If you are concerned, surely you could have sorted it yourself?

Redglitter · 29/11/2016 00:43

I wouldn't bank on a dog being a better option. My friends house was broken into. Both cars stolen - dog never so much as growled

Hannahcolobus · 29/11/2016 07:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Figmentofmyimagination · 29/11/2016 08:46

I understand why you feel like this. It's a kind of release - and it's perfectly human, as long as you don't let your DH know you think this. Obviously the burglars are to blame but burglary is a violation and it can lead to feelings of violation, impotence and rage. The burglars are long gone, so you search around for somewhere to plant all your frustration. As long as you keep it online and not in RL, you'll be fine!

I'm exactly the same. My DH frequently goes out without locking the back door, whereas I am the opposite and even cover up laptops, mobiles etc when I go to bed, after neighbours were burgled when burglars shone a flashlight through their back window and illuminated all their valuables!

MrsJayy · 29/11/2016 08:54

Most people would switch off lights when they went to bed anyway so even if you had them . Your poor family though you must be really shaken up but it isn't your husband's fault it's the scum that broke into your house

mando12345 · 29/11/2016 09:00

My husband is a retired police officer and it his opinion that lights are useless if nobody is home then they light things up so they can see what they are doing. Most burglaries just go for easy option, an open top window, sliding French doors, etc.
YABU with regard to your husband you should have done or organised the lifts if you felt they were necessary.

Inthenick · 29/11/2016 09:02

Is there something wrong with you that you are unable to arrange additional security for your house, especially since it was bothering you??

Or is it just a mans job.

HorseyHorseyTwat · 29/11/2016 09:03

Vampires, you're confusing burglars with vampires.

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