Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

burgled- I blame DH

122 replies

miniplaty · 27/11/2016 17:40

We were burgled 2 weeks ago. Theives broke into our house and stole money, laptop, phones etc. Horrible to think that we were all sleeping metres away. I blame dh. I have been telling him for the last couple of years that our house is too dark. We have 2 outdoor lights but they weren't working. I've tried a couple of times to change them but it's difficult as they're high up. I've repeatedly told him but he has done nothing about it. I am always the one checking that the front door and back door are locked. He never checks. AIBU for being so angry with him?

OP posts:
CouldIHaveIt · 27/11/2016 18:38

I'm sure you said it tongue in cheek, but getting a dog is a HUGE undertaking and honestly not something to do on the whim of being better protected against burglars.

Not to mention that even breeds you'd expect to be good guard dogs is no guarantee they will be. You'd be well pissed off if you bought one to guard the house and it turned out more likely to wag a burglar to death than even bark! 😁

harderandharder2breathe · 27/11/2016 18:40

Yabu

If it bothered you and not dh then you should've done something about it!

I'm sorry you were burgled but you're blaming the wrong person

Randytortoise · 27/11/2016 18:40

They may have even broke in quicker if you had lights, it would be more easy for them to see what they were doing.

Grilledaubergines · 27/11/2016 18:43

keep what if the DH hated heights too?

Lights are not a deterrent.

LucyFuckingPevensie · 27/11/2016 18:44

Well you know yabu, but I don't think yabu to look for someone to blame. It is normal to do that in situations like this. It's a fairly standard response ime.

Thanks for you.
Being burgled is really shit.

meridithssister · 27/11/2016 18:50

I was once burgled and it was my 'fault'. I was having a bad morning with the baby and I needed to go out. I managed to get him on the pushchair, pack a bag and got out of the door. Just as I was leaving I remembered that I had left a window open downstairs at the back of the house. Because I was late and sleep deprived I didn't bother to go back in and shut it.
When I got back with ex dh we found we had been burgled. Ex dh had shut the window and insisted it was shut, but I know I had left it open and was very upset.
Despite the fact he was pretty horrible in some other ways, I haven't forgotten that he tried to save me from blaming myself.
Please be kind to each other, it's a horrible thing to happen and blame won't make it better. Flowers

FearandLoathinginLasVegas · 27/11/2016 18:51

YABVVVU.

You need to blame the burglars.

Hulababy · 27/11/2016 18:51

Sadly lights make little difference and can actually aid them if they need some light to see where to access.

Check your locks - make sure you have anti snap locks in all doors.

And I'd recommend a decent alarm. They may still try and get in but they run as soon as the alarm triggers. Certainly the case for us - we were asleep upstairs with a landing light shining. They got in through the rubbishy locks we then had but they ran when the alarm went off.

MarklahMarklah · 27/11/2016 18:53

Someone I know lives on a gated estate with lighting all over the front of her property. She was burgled too. If they want to break in, they will.

Goodasgoldilox · 27/11/2016 18:54

Dogs work well. They have been man-kind's alarm system (and very off-putting for thieves) for many centuries. We had an example of this when a friend's rescued-dog ( a quiet timid creature) irritated the whole family by repeatedly barking one night. In the morning they discovered that of the 6 houses on their close, theirs was the only one unburgled.

SheldonCRules · 27/11/2016 18:55

Blame the burglars.

If you were worried about the lights, it would have taken five minutes to call and book an electrician. It's not something your DH had to do as he's male.

Wonkydonkey44 · 27/11/2016 18:56

We were burgled a year ago and I can remember the rage I felt. In fact one day I had rage with the house for not putting up a better fight against the burglars i.e. Straight in through the French doors.
There are practical things you can do , we had all our locks changed to really good ones by a lock smith the insurer sent and had a monitored alarm installed.
I also cleaned everything the burglar might have touched with bleach. Sounds random I know but it all helped.
Hope your ok soon x

OverAndAbove · 27/11/2016 18:57

We were burgled earlier this year. I was at home with two DC and my DH was away with our eldest. It was really horrible and obviously you look for reasons why but all the police we spoke to reiterated that we were victims and not at fault. A criminal did this to us.

The lights thing is so dependent on your exact layout etc; it can be a deterrent or an encouragement. The one thing though is to close your curtains so they can't see inside; they are basically cowardly shitbags and would prefer to enter a room they can see into...

ZbZb · 27/11/2016 18:59

Sorry to hear that you were burgled, it must be a horrible feeling. Sad

Burgers are horrible as are people who buy things that have been stolen....

honeyroar · 27/11/2016 19:10

Security is the last reason to get a dog! Unless you really want one and want all the hassle (and fun) that goes with them, don't do it.

As for alarms, unless you get one that rings a security firm for you, who check it out, there's little point. Our neighbour's have one. It goes off at least twice a month, often set off by various work want they have. We don't even look out when it goes off nowadays!

Hope you're ok. I'm sure you're shaken up. There have been a lot around here lately. Mostly daytime. They count two near us, armed with axes and machetes, not nice.

GloriaGaynor · 27/11/2016 19:13

Alarms don't cost much these days, nor do security cameras.

GloriaGaynor · 27/11/2016 19:15

Our neighbour's have one. It goes off at least twice a month, often set off by various work want they have

Everyone where I live has an alarm. They certainly don't go off twice a month, if that's the case there's either something wrong with the alarm or the people.

booklooker · 27/11/2016 19:16

Glad you have seen that balding dh isn't fair

As an excuse, it does seem rather thin on top

whirlwinds · 27/11/2016 19:18

To those who don't think dogs can help prevent burglars, they do, boxers are interesting, fun-loving family dogs, yet my mothers house with loads of value inside was not touched as these dogs will make noise if something happens. One of them saved me and my brother who were visiting her one weekend. The house had just started to smoke over, just before a fire broke out, fire alarm did not trigger but she barked her head off waking me in the floor above so we could gets everyone out and stop the oven from bursting into flames. Place was a wall of smoke. Dogs aren't cheap but what use is an alarm when you are at home? Most people I know don't have the alarm on when they are there and is primarily useful when you aren't there! This happened in the night so the alarm would be useless. A dog is 24 hour regardless if you are home or not. Some fun reading here modernsurvivalblog.com/security/21-things-your-burglar-wont-tell-you/

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 27/11/2016 19:21

It's a horrible emotional trauma to be burgled, so sympathy Flowers

I think though you're reacting to what DH didn't do because that's an easy explanation, when in reality, two bolts and a chain on your back door would've been much more effective than security lights whether working or not.

It's bolting the stable door after the horse has already gone, but review how effective your physical security measures are e.g. we have a burglar alarm with door contacts as well as sensors, two key operated locks on exterior doors, heavy bolts and door chains. We also have a pile of junk up against the back door Blush

deste · 27/11/2016 19:24

I feel your pain, we were burgled at the end of September and they took nearly all my jewellery, money and an expensive watch or two. They actually moved my security light so that it was shining away from the house. Photograpgh all your belongings and make sure you specify expensive things separately on your policy and that you have the correct value for them. We now have an alarm system that goes through to a central office. I suspect I will never get the full value of what was taken and it saddens me to think I have nothing to pass on to my daughter that has sentimental value.

BolivarAtasco · 27/11/2016 19:24

We have been burgled and we now have an alarm, CCTV front and back, and security lighting. You can get a Nest camera on the front of the house which will record anyone coming up to the door and uses cloud storage for £160 and £12 per month for the storage.

Most burglaries (unless breaking in for something specific like keys for high end cars) are opportunistic, so do as much as you can to make it difficult. Prickly plants in garden areas where people could climb over a fence, don't leave laptops, keys or other valuables in sight of the window, security film on windows, mark valuables with smart water and have the stickers on your front door, etc. There are lots of small measures which all add up to make it not worth the time and effort to get into your house.

JellyBelli · 27/11/2016 19:26

They're burglars not vampires. You need door alarms, Lights just help them see.
Stop blaming anyone but the burglars. You are perfectly capable of changing the light bulbs or hiring someone to do it.

MrsNuckyThompson · 27/11/2016 19:33

If it makes you feel any better we were burgled just before Christmas 4 years ago. DH pulled the kitchen window closed but didn't click the handle down. I was constantly moaning at him about it before the burglary. Then when I came home to find we'd been burgled he was out at a pre-arranged Christmas night out and I had to deal with police etc alone. He didn't call me til about 11pm.

Ultimately I don't think he could have felt worse than he already did.

Also - lights are not rocket science. If you were so worried why didn't you fix them or even pay a handy man?

SarahOoo · 27/11/2016 19:43

Light up your house at night? Just making it easier for burglars to see what they're doing! Don't blame your husband...how utterly ridicules. Blame the burgers who in fact randomly chose your house.