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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

burgled- I blame DH

122 replies

miniplaty · 27/11/2016 17:40

We were burgled 2 weeks ago. Theives broke into our house and stole money, laptop, phones etc. Horrible to think that we were all sleeping metres away. I blame dh. I have been telling him for the last couple of years that our house is too dark. We have 2 outdoor lights but they weren't working. I've tried a couple of times to change them but it's difficult as they're high up. I've repeatedly told him but he has done nothing about it. I am always the one checking that the front door and back door are locked. He never checks. AIBU for being so angry with him?

OP posts:
Original poster
miniplaty · 27/11/2016 19:43

Thank you for your comments.I just feel so awful I'm directly my anger towards him, but I have stopped and have apologised. I never knew there were so many burglaries but it seems to be happening more and more where we live. I don't think i'll ever forget it and it sounds like those of you who have been burgled remember it in great detail. Bastards, I'm so angry at them and at the idiots who will buy my stuff from them, they're no better, scum of the earth

I'm calling alarm fitters tomorrow, maybe we'll have a think about a dog!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/11/2016 19:49

Have you visited the local second hand shops to ask for or have a look for your stuff? 9/10 they end up there?

That reminds me, I need to scratch the serial numbers into some new stuff and take photos. Being robbed is one of my worst fears :( I'm sorry OP it must be awful. Flowers

monkeywrench · 27/11/2016 20:02

I saw a show on TV years ago where they had a professional ex burglar come to someones house and show them how safe it was (or wasn't) from burglars. the woman had a dog, the burglar broke in, the dog barked etc but didn't attack, the burglar took it to the kitchen, opened her fridge, fed it some naice ham and then shut it in the kitchen whilst he turned over the rest of the house. the woman was horrified how useless her dog was. When he had finished going through her stuff, he found the car keys for her convertible, left through the kitchen, the dog wasn't bothered by him at all now as he was new best friend after feeding him the ham, the dog ran out of house after him and jumped in the car with him as he drove off. The woman said "oh the dog loves going in the convertible" A dog won't always be any use at all, my dog certainly wouldn't be.

Original poster
miniplaty · 27/11/2016 20:05

That's funny monkey!

OP posts:
PurpleCrazyHorse · 27/11/2016 20:10

It's all a bit pot luck really. I do lock all our windows and keep our blinds closed. We have decent doors front & back with both a Yale and a 5-lever lock. Our outside lights aren't working but with tall fences they would probably help. We do have a 6-foot high gate and I try to keep the wheelie bins around the back so they aren't used to get over the gate. But if someone wants to get in they will.

Witchend · 27/11/2016 20:12

Lights mean the burglars can see to operate by.

KERALA1 · 27/11/2016 20:37

Hope you are not one of those blamey people discussed on another thread...

JenLindleyShitMom · 27/11/2016 20:58

What you need OP is a security light that takes a photo when it's triggered.

JenLindleyShitMom · 27/11/2016 20:59

Wrt dogs, a family pet dog was killed just this week In a burglary local to me. TBH it's one of my biggest worries about having a dog.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 27/11/2016 21:05

But if our house had been well lit they wouldn't have got in

Confused

Are lights like kryptonite to burglars or something??

Go and give your hubby a big apologetic snog. Grin

KateInKorea · 27/11/2016 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheWoodlander · 27/11/2016 21:24

Yeah, serious burglars can kill the dog, or the dog will go away in the car with them but I do believe they're a deterrent in the first place - or at the very least will bark if you're upstairs asleep, and alert you.

This is what I've read: burglars are least likely to go for a place with a burglar alarm, with a car in the drive, or with a dog. They can't be doing with the extra hassle.

CockacidalManiac · 27/11/2016 21:29

Burgers are horrible cunts. If someone is determined to get in, they generally will.
All you can do is to make your house more difficult to get into, to deter the opportunists.

hopscotchegg · 27/11/2016 21:34

This is a horrible thing to go through. Maybe give Victim Support a call? Flowers

IAmNotAMindReader · 27/11/2016 21:36

Dogs will only be useful to alert you that something is going on (usually marauding leaves or next doors cat)
9 out of 10 times in the event of a break in, once the barking has subsided and the burglars are inside the dog will either enthusiastically greet the burglar or run away and hide.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 27/11/2016 21:41

Apparently geese make one fuck of a noise if you're game.

And all that flapping may scare off the more ornithobic (sic?) burglars. Grin

TheWoodlander · 27/11/2016 21:43

Oh yes, I've heard geese are the best burglar alarms - rather rarer than the electronic kind though. And not suited to everyone's abode. I'd love some geese though Grin

AppleAndBlackberry · 27/11/2016 21:51

Some UPVC locks are incredibly easy to break (I broke our back door lock easily with just a screwdriver and a hammer after watching a YouTube video about it). A more secure door would possibly be a good idea if that's what happened with yours. Sorry to hear about the burglary.

Floggingmolly · 27/11/2016 21:53

How is your backdoor "in full view"? Full view of who or what?

QueenMortificado · 27/11/2016 21:53

Having your back door in view of all and sundry may make you very vulnerable to unwanted entries.....

;)

RB68 · 27/11/2016 22:04

lights doors locks alarms are all just deterrents, if they were determined to access your property none if it will make any difference. Its horrible and not worth falling out over. But on the upside you need to get him sorting those lights out now :-) he might have some motivation. I can appreciate how you feel -its taken 2 months to get the bulb changed in mine ...

Sara107 · 27/11/2016 22:23

This is not your dh's fault. Burglars cause burglaries, not darkness. We were burgled in the middle of the day with a neighbour looking on - these people take their opportunities where they find them, it does not depend on light levels.

Sara107 · 27/11/2016 22:30

After we were burgled we had a specialist community police officer come around to do a home security survey for us. This was really helpful actually - he went around the garden, the estate, all through the house checking the types of locks on all the windows and doors. Because they're not trying to sell you anything (you can get a bit carried away when you start looking into security systems!) you can be confident that you are getting impartial advice. A lot of the things he pointed out were not what I would have thought at all. So it might be worth checking out whether your local force offer a service like this.

jacks11 · 27/11/2016 22:31

YABU

Being burgled is horrible, you feel your home has been violated and there is also the thought of "what if..." You have my sympathies.

However, your DH will be feeling the same as you. Putting the blame in him is very unfair. I doubt outside lights would have made a huge difference TBH.

The real point is this: you told him that you wanted the lights done but he didn't do anything about it- BUT neither did you! So you are equally to blame, if there has to be blamed apportioned. If you really wanted it done, but couldn't reach you could have either used a ladder or hired someone to fix it. Why is it your DH's job to fix things or find someone else to do the job?

pollymere · 28/11/2016 18:21

We've left the front door wide open and not been burgled. When we were burgled, they managed to prise open a window. The moral is that no one has the right to enter your home unless you want them to. People talked to me about bars on my windows but you can't live in fear and tbh burglars will get in if they really want to. You can't blame your dh, just the burglars. Talk to Victim Support, they really helped me get my life back in perspective x

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