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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so pissed off that dd has a bad cold?

117 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 19/11/2016 09:12

She's 11 months and this is the second really bad one in eight weeks. This one she has caught from her older brother admittedly but don't know where the other one came from.

What annoys me as that firstly we hardly ever go out because of germs and secondly I've been expressing for her now every four hours since she was born so she only has breast milk (and solids too now of course) in the hope it would help her immune system but nope, it's still shit. She's so blocked up today that she can't feed. This is Day 5. You'd think she'd be getting better by now. For reference she was just over 6 weeks premature and ventilated when she was born. So I guess her immune system is bound to be rubbish? She is a big baby now - over the 98th centile for height and weight non-adjusted and off the chart adjusted and has caught up in every other way. In fact she's meeting milestones faster than her non-prem brother.

I'm just annoyed that despite taking all the precautions I can and still feeding she seems to get ill frequently and doesn't get over it very quickly. I know breast milk isn't magic by the way, I was just hoping it might offset some of her prematurity disadvantages in terms of her immune system.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 19/11/2016 09:13

we hardly ever go out because of germs

That's your problem; you've not let her build up any sort of immunity.

pictish · 19/11/2016 09:19

While I sympathise with you because it's never nice when our babies are unwell and struggling to feed because of being blocked up, I don't know why you thought there was something you could do to dodge the common cold.
No one knows where they come from...it's not something you can reliably ascertain is it? There are no precautions against it so it seems a bizarre thing to be disappointed about.

Hope she gets better soon though. And start going out more too - staying in won't save either of you from catching a cold.

ophiotaurus · 19/11/2016 09:22

You need to go out and about. It's. It good for her to be inside all the time. She won't build up any sort of immunity.

ophiotaurus · 19/11/2016 09:22

*it'a not

slightlypeevedwombat · 19/11/2016 09:23

This all over

we hardly ever go out because of germs

That's your problem; you've not let her build up any sort of immunity

pictish · 19/11/2016 09:23

I do have to wonder if staying in all the time has been counterproductive, like Pottering suggests.

Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 19/11/2016 09:23

At least if we don't go out much though she's less likely to catch anything truly awful

OP posts:
Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 19/11/2016 09:24

So it's my fault she's ill. Sad

OP posts:
KathArtic · 19/11/2016 09:25

Kids catch everything!

pictish · 19/11/2016 09:26

Hmm...I don't think it's good for either of you to stay cooped up in the house for fear of her catching something. Do you think you are suffering from anxiety at all?

Pinksink · 19/11/2016 09:26

But if she doesn't catch the minor things like colds how will she ever build up her immunity against more major infections? Keeping her in is not going to help her in the long run.

SaucyJack · 19/11/2016 09:26

Are you aware you're suffering from significant health anxiety?

PinkSwimGoggles · 19/11/2016 09:28

she needs to catch the small things (cold after cold at this age) so her immune system can cope with bigger infections.
if she doesn't get the chance now she will get all those when starting preschool/school.

it's normal and healthy for a tot to have a cold once a month.

Pluto30 · 19/11/2016 09:28

Kids need to be exposed to germs etc. in order to build their immunity. You're not doing her any favours by keeping her inside lots. But she's also not going to be seriously harmed by a cold, so don't work yourself up about it too much.

BubbleGumBubble · 19/11/2016 09:29

Its nobodys fault she has a cold.

However your attitude to it and germs is not healthy. Maybe you need to chat to your HV.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 19/11/2016 09:30

I doubt her prematurity has anything to do with it, children get a lot of common ailments in their younger years, it's how the body develops it's immune system. If we aren't exposed to germs, we won't learn to fight them.

I appreciate you don't want her to be poorly, no one wants to see their child ill but by taking her out more and exposing her to bugs you will be helping her in the long term. Besides, it's not good to be cooped up! Wrap up warm and get to the park Smile

PinkSwimGoggles · 19/11/2016 09:30

unless she has an illness that means her immune system is compromised: go out there. meet people. go mud puddling. tree climbing (ok, not yet).

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/11/2016 09:30

Everything will seem worse than it is if she has no exposure to germs though, her immunity will be non existent so even mild colds will feel difficult for her to fight off.

Don't beat yourself up, though. You thought you were doing the right thing Flowers She'll get there.

LaContessaDiPlump · 19/11/2016 09:30

You hardly ever go out because of germs? Unless you've got a decontamination room for anyone who enters the house, that won't make a great deal of difference; viruses and bacteria travel on clothes too.

If you're now thinking of how to improve decontamination procedures, I would gently suggest that you have anxiety issues which need to be addressed.

This level of stress over germs in a healthy baby at this age (even if she was prem) os unwarranted.

PippaPug · 19/11/2016 09:31

How long are you planning to keep them inside for?
You need to let them go out and about to build up germs - a few germs won't harm them but staying inside will

Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 19/11/2016 09:31

I do take her outside because outside has a lower viral load. I just don't take her to baby groups etc

OP posts:
PberryT · 19/11/2016 09:31

The never going out isn't helpful. It means she won't build up an immunity to small coughs and colds. This is probably why she keeps getting ill.

Have you spoken to a health professional about your concerns? It isn't normal to keep an 11mo inside all the time.

BingBongBingBong · 19/11/2016 09:32

I think you're a little hung up on germs - you don't go out much due to germs? She's 11 months and the only drink she has is breast milk? Having colds is annoying but it is good for her immune system for her to catch colds. It really is.

I don't mean this in a nasty way but I really think that if you're so annoyed about a cold and actually plan your life around your DD to avoid her getting colds then you need to speak to a GP because that really isn't normal. It must be exhausting for you to be so anxious and I have PND and postnatal anxiety so I genuinely understand.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 19/11/2016 09:32

A friend of mine sterilised everything for her son way past six months, was paranoid about germs, he wasn't allowed anything that touched the floor etc.

When he was 1, he got a gastro bug. What should have been a straightforward 24 hour tummy bug landed him in hospital as he hadn't been exposed to any bugs/germs and his body couldn't fight it off. Germs are good OP Smile

lasttimeround · 19/11/2016 09:32

Her immunity isn't shit. She's at an age and it's a time of year for colds. Also don't avoid going out if she's well enough. Get some paracetamol and by risen in for fever and aches. Decent warm clothes and remember each cold makes her stronger.
Is there still any reason to be particularly cautious about exposure to germs from being pre-term?