To be so pissed off that dd has a bad cold?

[Throughautomaticdoors]

She's 11 months and this is the second really bad one in eight weeks. This one she has caught from her older brother admittedly but don't know where the other one came from.

What annoys me as that firstly we hardly ever go out because of germs and secondly I've been expressing for her now every four hours since she was born so she only has breast milk (and solids too now of course) in the hope it would help her immune system but nope, it's still shit. She's so blocked up today that she can't feed. This is Day 5. You'd think she'd be getting better by now. For reference she was just over 6 weeks premature and ventilated when she was born. So I guess her immune system is bound to be rubbish? She is a big baby now - over the 98th centile for height and weight non-adjusted and off the chart adjusted and has caught up in every other way. In fact she's meeting milestones faster than her non-prem brother.

I'm just annoyed that despite taking all the precautions I can and still feeding she seems to get ill frequently and doesn't get over it very quickly. I know breast milk isn't magic by the way, I was just hoping it might offset some of her prematurity disadvantages in terms of her immune system.

OP I think you need some more love on this thread. Do you have a good HV? I suffer from post natal anxiety over my dd and her feeding and my HV has been absolutely brilliant. It has been great to talk to someone who I feel doesn't blame me. For all the posters bluntly replying with "do you have anxiety?" that isn't massively supportive. It's a bit like the first HV I dared to break down to who told me if I was anxious then my baby would sense that. All true but not helpful when you are at breaking point. If you have anxiety you need people to broach it gently and supportively.

Having a premature baby must have been incredibly stressful, my friend's daughter was very prem and she was very germ conscious, always antibac-inch everything. It's not the right approach but totally understandable.

Having said this I agree with all posters who said that your dd needs exposure to germs, she really does to build her immune system. Apparently I had an awful stomach bug around 8 months and my mum was told by her GP it was because she never let me sit on the floor or touch unwashed toys.

This time of year is pretty shit too. We are all just recovering from a sickness bug which has gone through the house, there have been coughs and colds since Sept too. My dd is 8 months and I just keep telling myself it's better she is older and not a tiny newborn.

As for bf I remember being livid when ds got a cold at 6 weeks and was exclusively breastfed. The dr told me it would have been worse if he wasn't breastfed but that breastmilk wouldn't prevent all illnesses. As for dd she refused to breastfeed (hence the start of anxiety for me) so I think to express for 11 months you have done really well.

I think I remember some of your other threads. How are you? I hope this thread will reassure you. A couple of colds at this age really are quite normal.

Op I really feel for you, I was quite similar with my dd because of anxiety. She got taken to very limited baby classes and I would never let her put shared toys at these things in her mouth. I realise that children all catch bugs all the time, and it's part and parcel but for me this is a huge sticking point that I really struggle with. I dreaded it and had nightmares for months before she started nursery and then school because of all of the contamination.

All I can say is children get coughs and colds and they get ill. It's terrible at the time but hopefully it will be short lived. Staying away inside may feel like the answer, especially when you have added worry of a health issue and prematurity of your dc, but it may not always be a good thing. I realise this is easier said than done (this is written by the woman who doesn't leave the house other than walks outside with dd for at least a week before Christmas in hope we don't fall ill for Christmas Day). Maybe start with small short ventures to things inside like visiting a local garden centre to look at Christmassy lights?

Wow Jink pay attention to the preemies thing and don't just jump to anxiety.... be kind to the OP please!

I WAS being kind, OMGTwins

Since when was pointing out that someone sounds very anxious/depressed an unkind thing to do?

I suffer from anxiety and it went off the scale when I had my first baby. I know what it's like and was gently suggesting to the OP that her feelings were not quite normal.

maybe start with small short ventures to things inside like visiting a local garden centre to look at Christmassy lights

Really good idea that, all or most of the lights are on now outside. Bit of fresh air and pretty things change of scenery to blow cobwebs away.

Op breast milk and anti bodies works in a few different ways- baby reciepes the antibodies mum already has in her system, if mum is exposed to the same virus baby is her body will begin making anti bodies and either baby latches on and gets a dose or these are expressed, if expressed milk is given straight to baby then baby gets those antibodies quickly, if you store&rota then they will get them a bit later. If mum and baby are separate and baby exposed to something mum hadn't been then baby's salivia has chemicals in it that tell mums body to make the correct antibodies while feeding. So effectively your baby isn't getting anti bodies this third way, but is the first two. I'm guessing your baby isn't often away from you to be exposed for long anyways so I wouldn't worry about it.

Breast milk isn't supposed to prevent illnesses, it wouldn't be very helpful to the human race if it did- babies need to build their own immunity, breast milk just gives a bit of help whilst they are teeny and more vunbearable. It isn't a cure all, but like pp said her gp told her her babies cold would likely have been worse if not getting bm.

There are also lots of other differences in breast milk that will help your baby, healthy hormones, immuglobin to line gut, healthy gut bacteria etc so take comfort in that if it helps.

It sounds like it might be a good idea to have a talk with her consultant about how much outside time/time around other children she should have, or when she needs exposed to this more. And perhaps speak to hv/gp for some support for yourself.

" and secondly I've been expressing for her now every four hours since she was born so she only has breast milk"

Are you not getting a full nights sleep at all? this cant be helping with your mental state (sorry, dont mean to sound like i am saying you have a mental problem, just lack of sleep makes us feel strange)

Why are you expressing and not feeding (tell me to MYOB if you like, thats ok)

Is she up to date on her vaccinations?

Sorry Jink I was feeling a bit protective of the OP as the rules for preemies are different until they have caught up so to speak, but now appreciate you were trying to be kind, and hope this thread has overall helped the OP.

You need to let babies and children out and about to build up their immunity. That's horrible to read that you hardly ever go out, you are doing yourself and your children no favours at all! Do you also bleach and dettol the life out of everything?

How helpful and understanding of you mygorgeousmilo...

You sound angry at your child for daring to be ill! Children get colds, half a dozen per year is typical so a second one in eight weeks is about average.

You need to accept that they will be unwell regularly and without exposure to illnesses and germs it's unlikely that they will build up resistance.

You won't always know where the cold came from either, it takes a day or two after catching the cold for it to become full blown. Has she touched anything and sometime later put her fingers in her mouth? Or breathed in air that someone else might have breathed previously? That's all it takes.

Children catch colds!! It's not your fault and there's really nothing you can do to avoid it. I know it's horrible seeing them ill but try to concentrate on helping her feel comfortable and don't stress yourself out trying to pinpoint and eradicate the cause.
Get out and about and enjoy your baby.
I understand the prem thing as ds was 9 weeks early but I think you can't let illness avoidance rule your life.
Take care

I think (unfortunately) it's pretty normal for very little ones to catch everything going for the first few years while their immune systems are building up. When our DD started nursery for example she was ill every other week for about a year (and so were we as a result), then it kind of calmed down to a normal amount. Over time she will hopefully catch things a bit less as her immune system builds up. They do seem to always be ill when there are family plans etc, never a good time to be ill.

Hi throughautomaticdoors I often wonder how you are getting on, sorry things are still difficult. It's really not your fault your dd is poorly. You are trying your best. You haven't caused it and have tried everything to avoid it but all babies get colds. Its understandably very worrying because she has had a difficult start. I hope she feels better soon.

Kids get all sorts ds (6mo) has had a cold all week. Super snotty baby.

Can't be helped!

The more you go out the better their immune system will get imo.

mishegoss I haven't advance searched the OP but now gathering that others recognised her and seem very sympathetic. Now, yes, I can assume there's some relevant history. That's all well and good, but taken on face value the original question - and it is in AIBU - I would have to say that keeping children cooped up IS being very unreasonable.

You sound very hard on yourself and to be honest, you don't sound totally ok. You clearly went through a difficult time at the birth of your DD and it sounds like it's still affecting you. I think you need to seek some support for yourself.