To be so pissed off that dd has a bad cold?

[Throughautomaticdoors]

She's 11 months and this is the second really bad one in eight weeks. This one she has caught from her older brother admittedly but don't know where the other one came from.

What annoys me as that firstly we hardly ever go out because of germs and secondly I've been expressing for her now every four hours since she was born so she only has breast milk (and solids too now of course) in the hope it would help her immune system but nope, it's still shit. She's so blocked up today that she can't feed. This is Day 5. You'd think she'd be getting better by now. For reference she was just over 6 weeks premature and ventilated when she was born. So I guess her immune system is bound to be rubbish? She is a big baby now - over the 98th centile for height and weight non-adjusted and off the chart adjusted and has caught up in every other way. In fact she's meeting milestones faster than her non-prem brother.

I'm just annoyed that despite taking all the precautions I can and still feeding she seems to get ill frequently and doesn't get over it very quickly. I know breast milk isn't magic by the way, I was just hoping it might offset some of her prematurity disadvantages in terms of her immune system.

It's not your fault she's poorly, but she does need to build her immune system up in order that she can fight germs ... you can catch anything anyway via shopping (people sneezing and holding trolley, coughing or sneezing on food cans/packets) - it is absolutely impossible to avoid all germs and not good for a baby to do so ... this may have happened even if you went out every day though, so don't beat yourself up but try to chill a bit and not over protect

Hi OP I can see where you're coming from. DS was born at 32 weeks and was on CPAP however I managed to have the steroid shots which I really believed has helped his chest even now.

He is now 18 months and started nursery at 14 months. Since then he has had probably 2-3 weeks without a cold and it's been bloody hard work. This time round it has led to tonsillitis and he is on his first lot of antibiotics. It doesn't help that he is on the 2nd centile (18lb12oz) and that's for corrected age!

However I keep telling myself that his immunity will get better. Even now I can see that he can handle his coughs better than he could say 2 months ago.

Some responses are a bit harsh on here but I do agree you need to try and relax a bit more. Also we were only advised not to go out a couple of weeks after DS was born not a year, a very much think the latter will be in extreme cases.

ok I posted before you mentioned premature lung disease. Your anxiety is totally understandable. It is. But that doesn't mean you need to live with it. Your GP can help. Is your DD still under a paediatrician?

They said she has premature lung disease

Has or had?

What treatment is she receiving or received?

Colds are normal though. Most people get some every year, it's just adults often work through them. Small Kids often have funny noses at this age

Premature lung disease?! You could have mentioned that before!

At the very least you could be dosing her up with probiotics then - I mean in the form of live yoghurt, nothing more clinical than that. Give her immune system a bit of practice and give her gut a bit of protective coverage too.

Do you have anxiety OP?

Probiotics won't help with immunity to viruses. Which is what a cold is caused by.

Would you be able to put her in the bathroom filled with steam, or use karvol/olbas oil for children somewhere (back of her clothing etc) to unblock her a bit?

I feel your pain. It is horrible for babies to have colds.

were you advised to stay away from baby groups etc?

I don't think your baby necessarily has a "crap" immune system because she has a cold. All babies - all people - get colds. It makes babies very miserable and it can be very hard when they get two or more in a row. but it doesn't mean anything is necessarily unusual. i do get that you have extra worries though in your case.

This is what I think you should do, if you haven't already: I think you should sit down for a long appointment with a paed and have a proper discussion, not about this cold, but about your child's general health and the best way to manage it now she is growing up. I don't mean "take your baby to the GP with a cold" because that won't get you anywhere - doctors can't do anything about colds. I think you should get everything very clear in your mind about what to expect and what to do with your particular baby. Some of your worries may be ill founded. If not, then you will have advice that is relevant for today and the next while, not based on the past.

I know that, Believeit. But it sounds like this baby has had low exposure to pathogens in general and so could do with a bit of safe exposure.

There's not much anyone can do about rhinoviruses, they are a part of life sadly.

You sound like a great mum but possibly just too over protective. I agree that you should see a GP to discuss possible anxiety.

While I understand that you're worried about illness/germs due to her prematurity. Be honest; could this be systematic of pnd?

I don't know enough about the complexities of premature lung disease and avoiding crowded areas, but I know it's not nice to be worried about your child's health. I hated it every time ds was ill as he's very slight and really doesn't have the weight to lose. And I also felt like "what's my breast milk doing" especially when he got gastro which we are confidently told breastmilk fed kids never get!
You've done a great job getting your daughters weight up so well and the fact the colds haven't developed into more may well be because of breast milk.
Be kinder to yourself and perhaps see your paediatrician to check whether you still need to be as concerned about seeing people. My son is 16 mo now and would go nuts if we were just in all day. Unfortunately I've had to accept that does put him at risk of getting ill

I was just like you with my first she was early and had To be ventilated at birth then CPAP. I spent a whole year like you. On her first birthday she caught what the doctors believe was RSV. The year from 12-24 months we were in and out of hospital. I did take her to groups etc and I also put her in nursery from 13-23 months. Eventually I had to stop working her little body couldn't handle the constant viral infections, being pumped with steroids. I didn't stop taking her out as I wanted to maintain a quality of life for her. I needed to socialise her. Moving on she's in school and still struggles with viral infections but not to the same extent. No more oxygen and steroids and A&E. her consultant said it's likely her 'start' was a contributory factor but we were right in always taking her out and giving her a normal life. It really was the most stressful time ever and those trips to hospital were horrible. But I look back and think least I tried to keep things as normal as possible. I totally sympathise with you OP but to me it seems your baby is doing well. It's winter now I think get her to around Feb/March time then start some classes and start getting out and about. Definitely speak with your HV. YANBU but I think you need to speak with someone to help you along

Yes, breastmilk is significantly oversold in this regard. It helps, according to statistics, but it may not be noticeable from our POV.

I know it's hard when you have a poorly baby or child, but try to see it as a step closer to a healthy immune system.
My daughter went to a day nursery whilst I worked and picked up every cough, cold and bug going! It drove me insane!
You just want your children to be well, I do understand.
But I have to say, it was awful at the time but once she started school she hardly ever caught anything...
She's 10 now and gets maybe 1 nasty cold a year and that's it.
I really believe those early years have helped my daughters immune system.
Although OP, at the time I wanted to lock the doors and keep the germs away- but I had no choice. I had to work

Going out, getting fresh air and sun is very important. Keeping her inside all the time is counterproductive and will cause her to fall ill quicker and for longer as she is being deprived of D-vitamin which helps improve the immune system. Colds are hard to prevent and they are happy when people are inside and not out in the park- easier to find more hosts. She is going to fall ill like the rest of us, and that is not necessarily a bad thing as it helps develop our immune system. A nursery teacher is rarely ill after being around sick children all the time as an example.

My approach (I'm a bit illness phobic) was to teach good hand hygiene form the off.

So always washing hands on returning home from somewhere, before eating, after anything mucky. That's it.

It seemed to help at the toddler stage.

My (non preemie) ds was hospitalised with RSV-induced bronchiolitis at 6 weeks and from that point I was the same as you - very anxious and overprotective and I avoided baby groups, soft play and people with colds. The avoiding colds thing wasn't easy though as I have two school age children who were constantly bringing bugs home. He's just had bronchiolitis again but as he's a bit older now it was much easier to manage and no need for hospitalisation (still worrying, of course). It will get easier as she gets older.

I've had the same thoughts about breastmilk and wondered why I bothered but, as you say, it's not a magic elixir; it's just the biological norm. You'll pass antibodies onto her through your milk which will help, but it won't stop her getting ill. Having said that, expressing must be absolutely exhausting for you

I know exactly how you feel but I'm also aware that I suffer with health anxiety and it's bloody awful so you have my sympathy.

Colds are normal at this time of year.

You need to get out and about a bit more, it's good for both of you.

OP u sound like you love your little one to bits (as we all do) but having a child who's premature is an horrific shock, frightening, worrying and everything that's happening you have no control over.

No wonder you are anxious about her getting something in the first place and reacting with anxiety (and anger) to the cold that she's got now.

I think it's this that you need to try and get to the bottom of as it's anxiety that's arisen out of a feeling of fear and lack of control when she was in hospital.

I had (still have) anxiety too and it can make you feel angry as well as incredibly anxious. I also wasn't keen on too much exposure of the type you refer to but we did go to a couple of groups, round to family all the time, out to the park and regular meetings with my BFF at the time to wheel the two boys round the park in their prams on the regular to get them some fresh air etc and so forth. I did tend to avoid a lot of situations (for me it was travel - when I was BFing him which had gotten off to an APPALLING start) I didn't want to go from the middle of the UK down to Southampton with him! So I didn't!

I think this is more about identifying what's going on with you and understanding why you're feeling like this and when you have a bit better understanding of that you'll probably feel a little bit easier going out to groups and so on. I think your reactions are entirely understandable - how can it be your fault when you yourself were traumatised by your baby being born early and being in hospital etc - it's just how you've reacted and that's all, not a fault-aportioning exercise. You love her and you want to protect her.

Don't worry about taking her outside to build her immunity, its obvious she is building it because she's catching colds. What a ridiculous thing for people to say.

Secondly, my daughter used to catch all sorts within her first year, she had ear perforations and all sorts, really nasty stuff, ended up in hospital with bronchiolitis too. Babies are so susceptible to catching things within the first year, whether you expose them to it or not, they're building their immune systems by catching this stuff.
As long as you keep an eye on her and she's steadily getting better and not worse she will be ok.

My DD is nearly 4 now and I still don't understand how she catches stuff - like recently, she caught a verruca but we haven't been swimming in a good while so have no idea where its come from.
You just have to accept that kids will catch it whether they're at nursery, or at home.

I agree with Maudlin above re a long chat with a paed.

It sounds like you had a very difficult and frightening time around her birth.

Immune systems do need challenge to build, and possibly (NB I'm not a doctor!) more so to more banal infections when there is an issue so a serious one doesn't catch the immune system completely unawares. There are even studies which suggest that exposure to banal infections in very early life helps protect against childhood leukaemia.

2 bad colds in 8 weeks actually, dare I suggest it, sounds quite reasonable going for an 11mo with an older brother in autumn. Of course it's miserable for you and her and you do need to be vigilant due to her start in life, but I'd look at a general rethink of your strategy IIWY.

And yyyyy to whoever mentioned hand hygiene.

As for bf - I do believe it does help (things might be worse for your dc without it - nobody knows), but it's not a magic bullet that squashes all illnesses before they start, iyswim. I'm in awe of you for expressing for 11 months. You've definitely done a great thing for her there.

Please go and see your GP OP. You sound so scared and worried,perhaps she could put your mind at ease?

From a completely different perspective my children are filthy! They only wash their hands after the bathroom. They don't wash before food at all. I've never used antibacterial anything. They play outside, climb trees, play in the dirt. My 18mth ate half a snail last week (bleurgh).

They are very very rarely ill. My 9 year old boy hasn't had a cold for 4/5 years and thats completely the truth. Oldest DD does catch a cold once a year (but she was my first and I was more careful with her). Their whole school went down with the norovirus and they were 3 of only 10-11 kids who didn't get it (surprisingly 3 of the other kids were farming kids too). We have pets at home and only use bleach in the toilets. Nowhere else.

Germs are not to be feared! They really aren't. I feel for how worried you are, please go and see your GP x