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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleepover but parents out

120 replies

twocockersarebetterthanone · 31/10/2016 12:13

This has been bugging me for a couple of weeks now.

My 13 year old daughter went to the cinema with a friend and then went back to hers for a sleepover (first time at this friends house).

The next morning I discovered that this girls parents had gone to a party and had left the girls from 8.30 to gone 12 on their own.

Nothing went wrong but AIBU in being so annoyed about this. DD hasn't wanted me to say anything about this as she doesn't want a lose this friend (new blossoming friendship).

The parents didn't mention they were going to be out. If they had I could have made an informed choice about whether to let her go or not.

OP posts:
titchy · 31/10/2016 12:15

Not sure what the issue is tbh. Unless they were out overnight...?

Original poster
twocockersarebetterthanone · 31/10/2016 12:22

They left two 13 year old for over 5 hours without telling they would be alone. I wouldn't leave my own DD at home for that length of time at night.

OP posts:
mintthins · 31/10/2016 12:23

YANBU. I'd let it go this time, but next time make a point of asking if they'd be in.

NoSpoochsGiven · 31/10/2016 12:23

I don't see the problem tbh, they didn't go out till the next day, they were back at midnight. The girls are 13 not 3.

YouMakeMyDreams · 31/10/2016 12:26

They maybe should have mentioned it because 13 is a sort of transition age where some people are ok with this some people aren't but I don't see it as a huge deal. They weren't left alone overnight and I'm assuming their Dd could get a hold of them in an emergency.
I have a 13 year old and would check because I know some of dd's friends aren't even left alone while their mum nips to the shop 5 minutes away walking.

mymilkshakes00 · 31/10/2016 12:33

The parents should have mentioned it to you. To see if you are ok with it.
I wouldn't be happy leaving them alone at that age till midnight.
Were there regular calls/ texts to make sure the girls were OK by the parents.?
I'd be pissed off.

Mumzypopz · 31/10/2016 12:34

They absolutely should have checked with you. Sounds like they perhaps didn't want their daughter on her own so invited yours so she wasn't alone. I wouldn't have liked to hear there was no adult supervision

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 31/10/2016 12:44

Did you speak to the parents before the sleepover? Seems an odd thing for them not to have mentioned. It wouldn't have bothered me but I think you should have been told

Original poster
twocockersarebetterthanone · 31/10/2016 13:21

Yes had quite a long chat about the cinema and sleepover but no mention of the parents going out. If they had said then she would probably still have been able to go but I'd have asked her to text me a couple of times just to let me know it was alright. Just think it's wrong to assume other parents are ok with it Confused

OP posts:
sirfredfredgeorge · 31/10/2016 13:24

Why would you be happy for your 13 year old to go to a cinema on their own, but not to hang around in side a home - if a 13 year old is not okay to be on their own of an evening, then they are certainly not old enough to be allowed out in the evening!

YABU.

Trifleorbust · 31/10/2016 13:28

I think 13 is old enough to be in the house on your own for a few hours. The other parent probably didn't mention it because it is totally normal for her.

MuseumOfCurry · 31/10/2016 13:30

I frequently leave my 14 year old alone until 11pm (his bedtime) and often he has sleepovers, but I always tell the parents.

It's not something they should do without telling you first, IMO.

ZanyMobster · 31/10/2016 13:43

I'm surprised people aren't ok with a 13 yo being alone for a few hours but then this weekend I was shocked that my friends don't leave their 16 yos overnight at all. At 16 you could have a baby, get married etc. Maybe I am completely out of touch.

steppemum · 31/10/2016 13:53

I totally understand where you are coming from.
On Friday we were out at a party, not late, but 7-10:30.

Ds had asked if he could have a sleepover. I said yes, but that he must make it very clear to the other parents that we would be out for the evening.

In the end it didn't work out and he was home alone, and cooked his own dinner.

While he is often home alone for a few hours, leaving 2 x 13 year olds in the house alone is upping the odds that they will do something daft egged on by each other.
99% sure they would have been perfectly sensible
but that 1% would make me want to make sure the other parent was OK with it.

NeeNahh · 31/10/2016 15:01

I think they should have told you. Did your dd know they'd be out?

StrawberryLime · 31/10/2016 15:30

I have a 13 year old. I seriously wouldn't have been impressed if you'd invited mine over for a sleepover and then decided to go out to a party until midnight leaving them home alone.
YADNBU.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 31/10/2016 15:34

I would have wanted to know too. I would have let DC go but I would have wanted to know. Do you know the parents to talk to? Could you say "thank you so much for having DC over, next time would you mind just letting me know if you are not going to be in?" or something?

cloudyday99 · 31/10/2016 15:35

I'd leave 13 year olds home alone for an evening. But I wouldn't leave a friend's 13 year old without checking first that they'd be OK about that. Their child might be particularly nervous of being without an adult. Or particularly stupid and like setting things on fire or raiding the drinks cabinet for all I know.

purplefizz26 · 31/10/2016 15:38

I would assume if you were ok for her to go to the cinema alone, then you would be ok with them being at home for a few hours alone Hmm

If you say anything you run the risk of spoiling their friendship and making future trips out/sleep overs difficult.

They are 13. Not 9.

Dieu · 31/10/2016 15:39

I am the most laid-back parent on the planet, to the extent that AIBU frequently has me scratching my head, wondering what the problem is! However, this was wholly unacceptable on the part of the parents. YAdefinitelyNOTBU.

TeenAndTween · 31/10/2016 16:27

YANBU.
But I wouldn't say anything, but double check next time.
In my experience age 10-14 is the time when parents have very different views as to what is acceptable for their DCs. Always worth checking.

  • being left unsupervised
  • going in to 'town/city'
  • watching over age films / playing over age games
  • alcohol for 14+yos
  • mixed sex sleepovers
MuseumOfCurry · 31/10/2016 16:41

I am the most laid-back parent on the planet, to the extent that AIBU frequently has me scratching my head, wondering what the problem is! However, this was wholly unacceptable on the part of the parents. YAdefinitelyNOTBU.

You're hereby stripped of your title, because every owner of a 13+ year old I know allows them to stay home alone for some period of time. Wink

I think midnight is pushing it a bit, but that's just my opinion.

ParadiseCity · 31/10/2016 16:45

Our babysitter was 13 when she started looking after our DC in the evening. So I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Dieu · 31/10/2016 16:53

Of course I left my now 15 year old at home alone when she was 13. But not up until midnight, or without running it by the friend's parents. I dunno, there's just something about leaving them alone at night time that renders them a bit more vulnerable.
Very bad show on the part of the parents, especially as it was their first time having the OP's daughter for a sleepover.

Dieu · 31/10/2016 16:54

Presumably the babysitter's parents knew what the set-up was, and everyone was happy. Different in the OP's case.

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