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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that being height-ist is really mean

114 replies

GeorgiePeachie · 23/08/2016 18:06

I've talked to a lot of guys on Tinder.
Often they bring up: Oh also I'm 5'5"/5'6" in case that bothers you.

I think it is AWFUL that there are women who make men feel this way about something they can't help.

Also It is really unattractive to have a guy come to you with their insecurity. like: If I said to a guy, oh by the way one of my boobs is bigger than the other in case that's a problem. and he said, oh thanks for telling me, I'm looking for someone more symmetrical.

That would be awful.

It's SO mean and its women that are making this happen. Love the short guys too.

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 23/08/2016 18:07

Is this a joke?

SonicSpotlight · 23/08/2016 18:08

Newsflash: People judge potential partners on physical appearance.

gleam · 23/08/2016 18:08

Snort.

Branleuse · 23/08/2016 18:11

its quite a big deal for a lot of women, so its good the guys mention it upfront.

It wouldnt bother me if someone was short

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/08/2016 18:11

So, let me get this right?

It's 'unattractive' for them to comment, but you want a medal for being attracted to who you're attracted to?

Ok then.

thepenguinsrock · 23/08/2016 18:12

Me and my hubby are both 5ft 3 I may even be a cm or 2 taller, my 3x was 6ft 2 and I much prefer being the same height as my partner instead of always being like armpit height when they put their arm around you 😂 we are a house full of munchkins and it's fine with us 😂

cherryplumbanana · 23/08/2016 18:13

It depends. I am 5'7'' so I feel more comfortable with someone taller, ideally when I am wearing heels too. I quite accept the fact that for many men I am too tall. It's a good thing we are all attracted by different things, so I don't really see what the problem is.

AntoninArtaud · 23/08/2016 18:16

Being ridiculed for your height is never okay (and I say this as someone, albeit a woman, who is extremely short and was bullied over my height at school). However, you can't force someone to be attracted to someone else. We all have our preferences, and it's completely natural. It's just how it is.

ScarletForYa · 23/08/2016 18:16

Yabu.

You fancy who you fancy. It's hard wired into you. Attraction is not optional, it's either there or it's not.

There's a misconception that it's shallow to discount someone because of their looks but I disagree. Evolution isn't kind.

danTDM · 23/08/2016 18:17

I'm 5'9'' in flats so wouldn't really want to meet a guy of 5,5''. Not mean, fact. What if I turned up in heels? He probably wouldn't want to date me either.

annie1959 · 23/08/2016 18:20

I'm not sexually attracted to men that are shorter than me - can't help it, not a picky person generally but can't do shorter. It would be mean to arrange to date someone I knew was going to be a turnoff for me, however lovely they would be for someone else.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/08/2016 18:21

I don't think attraction is 'hard wired'. It is socialised. I remember a MNer telling me ages ago that when she first moved to a foreign country, she didn't find the local 'look' attractive at all - she did later on. And there's fairly good evidence that standards of what's attractive change.

I would think height is something women find attractive in men because we're conditioned to.

But still, I don't follow how it's ok for the OP to say she finds shorter men attractive, but will still have a go at them for mentioning their worries! That's much more mean, IMO.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 23/08/2016 18:23

I'm 5'9'' in flats so wouldn't really want to meet a guy of 5,5''. Not mean, fact. What if I turned up in heels?

What if indeed? What's the worst that could happen?

Anti-gravity sex on a 1st date?

pigsDOfly · 23/08/2016 18:25

So aren't they supposed to mention it in case you think they might be insecure about it OP and that you find unattractive. Poor things can't win.

Surely it's better to know beforehand, the fact is if a woman doesn't find short men attractive, then she doesn't.

A lot of men don't like tall women. I used to know a very attractive woman who was 6.5, found it very difficult to meet a suitable man, partly because she wanted someone taller.

TaterTots · 23/08/2016 18:27

Is saying 'insecurity is really unattractive' any less mean?

PJBanana · 23/08/2016 18:29

That's just the way it is, I'm afraid.

Although there are obviously exceptions, most people have a 'type' that they find much more physically attractive.

Some men may also prefer short/tall women, big/small breasts, light/dark hair etc, just like women find different men attractive.

EttaJ · 23/08/2016 18:30

OMG. You're kidding right OP?

TealLove · 23/08/2016 18:32

Some men specify they only like slim girls.
You can't force people to be attracted to physical firms they don't like.

Mittensonastring · 23/08/2016 18:35

I fancy tall men I have no idea why I just do, I also like them slim which probably makes me super evil.

BothBarrels · 23/08/2016 18:40

It was also what men lied about the most on Tinder, in my experience. I dated 4 or 5 guys on there before I met my partner and they all said they were taller than they actually were irl.

Ireallydontseewhy · 23/08/2016 18:41

yes, standards of attractiveness do seem to change - i don't think it's wholly 'hard wired'. And anyway personality can very often make people attractive even if they don't necessarily initially fit into the other person's 'ideal' appearance-wise - humour, kindness, shared interests etc!

Laiste · 23/08/2016 18:42

On a dating site everyone knows where everyone stands - you're all looking for romantic love. If something about you is over or under average and it's not clear on a photo what on earth is wrong with mentioning upfront and getting it out of the way?

Someone showing what you call an insecurity is someone showing what i call common sense and not wanting to waste time.

stopgap · 23/08/2016 18:42

I'm 5'7.5, husband 5'7 and it doesn't bother me in the least. He's handsome, in fantastic physical shape, is kind, funny, smart, well-off, a great dad etc. and I could sense he was much this way from the start (wealth aside--that came later).

Had I dismissed him based on height, I would have let such a great guy go.

Laiste · 23/08/2016 18:43

I'm 5'5 and i wouldn't want to go out with a bloke shorter than about 5'8. So i'd appreciate the honesty.

allthecarbs · 23/08/2016 18:43

I don't find short men attractive and I won't apologise for it.

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