To say that being height-ist is really mean

[GeorgiePeachie]

I've talked to a lot of guys on Tinder.
Often they bring up: Oh also I'm 5'5"/5'6" in case that bothers you.

I think it is AWFUL that there are women who make men feel this way about something they can't help.

Also It is really unattractive to have a guy come to you with their insecurity. like: If I said to a guy, oh by the way one of my boobs is bigger than the other in case that's a problem. and he said, oh thanks for telling me, I'm looking for someone more symmetrical.

That would be awful.

It's SO mean and its women that are making this happen. Love the short guys too.

[itshappenedagain]

Porcupinetree to me he looked more like a child, it may be a 'I don't need to look after yet another person' running through my head. I'm short 5'2" and only wear heels occasionally and he was shorter than me.

[redlittlesquirrel]

SugarMiceInTheRain...

Sitting on the fence here - I am only 4'11" and always hated being so short. Just about made my peace with it now.

Was there anything in particular that caused you to make your peace? Or just the passage of time? I'm a little under 4'11 and have yet to make my peace with it, but would love to!

[MercedesDR]

I'm a size 20 and my boyfriend loves it. He only dates big women.

[Trills]

If someone said "I don't fancy size 12 women" I'd first be sceptical of whether they actually knew what size 12 looked like.

But if they meant "I have an obsession with the number in your clothes", or if they meant "I don't fancy women who are the size you are" then fair enough, let's move on with that quickly.

I think whoever mentioned that height is not as immediately obvious as some other characteristics that might be attractive or offputting has a very good point. If I feel strongly about facial hair, I never need ask.

[Queenbean]

I don't find short men attractive and I am not sorry for that. The shortest guy I have ever dated is 6' 1", the tallest 6' 7". Big men make me feel small and petite and feminine. I would hate to be having sex with a man and look down to see my thighs are bigger than his.

Equally, if someone said "I don't fancy size 12 women" I'd say great, thanks for letting me know, I'll let you get on with your day and not waste either of our time

[Insabbathstheatre]

Another short arse here - would happily date someone shorter than me - particularly as that means Peter Dinklage is perfect (serious crush on him since 'the station agent') - but a lot of people ask if I'm serious - and yes I am! (Well in my fantasy life where not married with 2 DSs!)

[Feilin]

I'm a 6"3 female and I've always had "trouble" meeting tall men DH is 6ft but many of my boyfriends were less than 5"10.

[expatinscotland]

I don't find short men attractive. Men with small cocks, I dumped them, too. Similarly, I've been dumped for all sorts of physical reasons. So what?

[Trills]

He's being very sensible. I don't think he sounds especially insecure. He's just making good use of his time.

When doing online dating, if you have anything about you that will put SOME people off, you should always make it obvious as soon as possible.

This could be your height or weight or tattoos or piercings or religion or hobbies or anything that some people will be put off by.

There are two reasons for this.

1 - Don't waste your time. If someone is going to be put off by this, you don't want to waste your time talking to them.

2 - You'll get more messages and be more attractive to people who are not put off by that thing. The wonderful OKCupid Trends blog explains that when someone thinks some people will hate that but I like it they are more likely to fancy you than if they think I think she's attractive but so does everyone else.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Absolutely! That's why it's fun to think about.

And it can shift, I think, when we're aware of it.

[Trills]

LRD I think you are absolutely right that who you are attracted to is largely down to socialisation.

That's what makes it interesting to think about - and why thinking about it is a valuable thing to do with your time.

But even if I become aware that "I don't like men with blue eyes because they remind me of..." that's unlikely to make me like men with blue eyes any more.

[Trills]

When it comes to who you fancy, you are allowed to be anything-ist.

Sexist ageist heightist racist, all of the ists.

Because the alternative is to say that someone is obliged to fancy someone who they are not attracted to.

It might be better for you if you try to unpack the reasons behind who you find attractive and who you don't, but you are never obliged to be attracted to, or pretend to be attracted to, someone you don't fancy.

[Advicepls7080]

It really depends on what the person measuring you thinks they see I think the OP is probably saying she's is 5'5 and a bit there's no need go on really is there.

My counsellor says I'm one height my doctor says I'm another I choose to use one. Really doesn't matter

[OlennasWimple]

Pinky - I agree, it might be shallow or even rascist / disablist / gingerist, to have a "type" or not find people with certain characteristics attractive, but when it comes to sexual partners it's absolutely fine to have bodily autonomy and be able to reject people for any reason at all. Otherwise the alternative is too horrid to contemplate.

Georgie - your OP smacks a bit of "poor menz, all you horrid women making their lives so difficult, shame on you" [hmm}

[BrightOranges]

It doesn't matter how many people measure. You can only ever be one height. Until age begins to shrink us, that is

[JellyBelli]

It's SO mean and its women that are making this happen
Also It is really unattractive to have a guy come to you with their insecurity

[Advicepls7080]

Bright she might have been measured by two different people for some reason when my counsellor measures me I'm 6ft when my doctor measures me I'm 5'11

[BrightOranges]

So are you 5'5" or 5'6"? You can't be both.

[Ireallydontseewhy]

On the other hand porcu I would guess that there would be some overwhelming preferences for certain physical characteristics in women on a male thread.
And in their minds men may also have 'cut offs' for those physical characteristics - even if they don't rigidly apply them in practice!
Mindsweeping true, in the animal kingdom you're looking for the brightest plumage!

[PinkyOfPie]

FWIW I am quite tall and wouldnt date a short man.

[PinkyOfPie]

The funny thing is in arguments against the ever depressing Cotton Ceiling, people use the analogy "you wouldn't expect to sleep with someone short if you weren't attracted to short people". Now we can't even do that

Bottom line: people should be able to reject a sexual partner on whatever grounds they wish. It may not always be nice, but the other alternative is coercing people into sex or relationships that they don't want

[MindSweeper]

Yeah it's interesting actually because it's not just women who want tall men (I'm generalising here because it does seem to be a common theme) but it seems the majority of men like a woman who's smaller than them.

[Porcupinetree]

Itshappenedagain - but why was that a problem? Did you feel maternal towards the man because he was similar height to your nine year old? Or what exactly? Genuinely curious.

[Porcupinetree]

Datingbarb - yes perhaps but it's an overwhelmingly common preference on this thread.

[itshappenedagain]

I didn't think I had a type, but since starting to date again I've found I go more for tall men. One bloke wasn't much taller than my 9 yr old!