DH is selfish but this is the last straw?

[supermoonshine]

Been married for 15 years. Dh is selfish, always puts himself first, this puts a strain in our relationship as it's a horrible personality trait. I blame the fact that he's the youngest of 4 and spoilt. I've explained things to him numerous times, but he never changes. We flew back from our holidays 2 days ago, during the flight, youngest ds was complaining he was cold and I gave him my shirt to use as a blanket. He was still cold and so was I, so I asked dh to get our son's fleece from the rucksack in the overhead locker. DH said that he was sure ds was ok (ds still saying he was cold) and that no, he wasn't getting it, that it was a hassle. I waited for 5 min, he still wouldn't get it, so I had to open the overhead locker and bring down the rucksack. He knows I'm going in for shoulder surgery in 2 weeks time and raising my arm is extremely painful, yet he just sat there. I'm so upset I can't stop thinking about it

Arsehole. I am not surprised that you are very upset. You say he is always selfish. What other things does he typically do? How does he react if you challenge it?

sorry, but life is too short to stay with someone like this.

Always amazes me that people have children with rubbish partners, just why?

He's selfish but if you've let him carry on being then he won't ever change.

He was a wanker, not only selfish but bloody uncaring and spiteful towards you and your ds.

Do you still love him?

He doesn't sound like a nice man.

You should have called a member of crew to help, created a big fuss and embarrassed him.

Being the youngest child isn't the reason, he's a grown man. Ultimately you either put up or leave, he's not going to change

Why on earth knowing he was so selfish did you have a child with him. Anyway he's unbelievable to let you get the rucksack knowing you are having surgery! And to let your ds sit there feeling cold, what a catch!

That is not the character trait you want on a life partner really is it?
That was staggeringly thoughtless and selfish. If he's often like that he doesn't sound worth staying with.

A stranger would have treated you better than this. There's no excuse for this kind of shite behaviour.

Seems a little passive aggressive to me.

I'm not saying this is a valid excuse and if it is the case, he needs to get over it, but does he feel socially awkward? I'm better now, but I would find the whole getting a huge bag out in front of everyone a bit difficult. I would do it though for my child.

Dragons not a helpful comment. Super this would be it for me. I think a lot of us had a 'final straw' moment before leaving selfish abusive arses. Fwiw Dragons, and others expressing similar 'views', they don't start off as abusive and selfish, often this starts, or increases after the birth of a child. Well documented research and not hard to find on the internet, instead of making JudgeyPants remarks

Sounds lazy too!

Is it your last straw? I can't answer that! ?

ohcrepe like many parents i'd run down the street starkers if it helped my dc in a good way. - might scare the natives and the horses though .

It's one thing doing it to spite you but willing to leave his child cold is absolutely unacceptable.

Who do you have to help you with the children when you are recovering from surgery? Sure as hell won't be your dh

User147 - stupid comment.

OP - are you upset st these comments about your husband? What do you want to do? What do you want help with, if anything?

Yep. Final straw for me. Except it would have happened long before now. He's not just 'selfish', he's bloody nasty.

I think it is incredibly unhelpful and indeed nasty and spiteful to question 'why would you have a child with this man' so often you see someone's true colours during pregnancy or after having a child. Until that point your lives wouldn't be as entwined, you wouldn't rely on each other so much as you are living your own lives without dependants.

Ignore the people saying 'why would you have a kid with him' - you didn't know. Nobody can see the future. Now you are seeing the true picture you have to make a decision. What he did was crap. If he behaves like that all the time, it's unfair and much too hard on you and your DC.

OP doesn't need the harsh judgement of strangers too - none of us are perfect with perfect lives.

Yep yo should have asked a member of the cabin crew and said in a loud voice
"Can you get my bag down for me please I have a shoulder injury and my husband is a selfish lazy arse and wont get it for me"

Why are you still with him all these years if he thinks of nobody but himself?

Maybe this wasn't about him being lazy, Sounds like maybe he thinks you pander to your DS too much. Equally terrible but possibly tackled differently

Absolutely agree that the true colours often don't show until after pregnancy and babies

I'd start embarrassing the fuck out of him and asking for others help whilst pointing out that he is a giant twat.
It's not just selfishness here but he thinks he is correct and shouldn't be challenged. He decided your DS was fine despite evidence otherwise so decided to ignore the situation.

Yes, the selfishness can become more apparent as time goes on - especially after DC because selfish men feel more put ut that they're not the centre of your world any more.

Plus it matters more and you notice it more after DC because you need to pull together.

Plus it might be reasonable to expect people would become less selfish once they have dependent DC. I did! I used to do what I liked pre-DC, that's kind of normal! Now I put them first. It's a shock to find how selfish some people (mainly men IME) can still be when they have kids and a wife do do all the gruntwork

Nobody wakes up one day and says "I know! I'll have kids with a selfish twat and blight all our lives"