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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DD sit in the hotel room reading?

85 replies

FreyaFriday · 27/07/2016 11:14

We are currently on day 5 of a week long all inclusive break abroad. Lovely hotel, lots for the kids to do, nothing 'boring' etc.

DD (11) gets in terrible moods sometimes and has spent the whole holiday so far in a foul mood. She has a constant sulky look on her face, is being rude, horrible to her younger brother and hasn't smiled once!

We have constantly done whatever she wants apart from yesterday when we went for 2 hours to the local village. DD cried and was rude and nasty the whole time we were there.

We have taken her phone off her now for the remainder of the holiday and it did help a bit last night but this morning she has been worse than ever.

So we have now said she has to sit in the hotel room all day and can only read, not watch tv or have her phone. And she is kicking off big time. We have a swim up room so we are on the terrace of our room using the pool, we haven't just abandoned her in the room.

Are we being unreasonable? I don't know what else to do!

OP posts:
IveAlreadyPaid · 27/07/2016 11:19

11 year old girls can be so awkward! I would let her watch tv, use her phone etc and just go of and do stuff without her if she is sensible enough to be left alone for an hour or two.

LovelyBath77 · 27/07/2016 11:20

My DS 11 is happy with his kindle reading, or games on the tablet, maybe give a couple more choices and in a day or two things will be easier.

andthedog · 27/07/2016 11:22

YANBU my 11 year old is starting to get sulky , I think they get caught up in their own feelings and don't appreciate the impact it has on others. A bit of time on her own will help her to see its not acceptable. I'd probably go for a hug and chat in a little while if she seemed sorry .

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 27/07/2016 11:22

I presume she has the get out of "if you are prepared to behave like a decent human being having a lovely time instead of a spoiled troll you can come and join the rest of us"

I'd probably have clamped down after day two tbh, I have no truck with brattish behaviour

Missgraeme · 27/07/2016 11:24

Maybe have her as a waitress for the afternoon? She can do the fetching and carrying and let u have a break!!

StarryIllusion · 27/07/2016 11:28

Me either Della. Can't be doing with all that crap, she'd have copped it big time the second day with me.

elodie2000 · 27/07/2016 11:29

YANBU!! You have a swim up room and are on a lovely holiday? She is behaving like a brat!!! She should stay inside until she can behave in a pleasant way. The rest of you - enjoy the pool! (Jealous!)

scaryteacher · 27/07/2016 11:30

My Mum would have told me that I was spoiling the holiday for everyone else, and to put a smile on my face or else.

FindingNemoAgain · 27/07/2016 11:30

It's the hormones! She can't help it in a way. What would she like to do that would make her happier?

nuttymango · 27/07/2016 11:39

It could be hormones, in which case she can be told to come and have a hug and try and make the best of it and enjoy the pool or go and have some quiet time in her room so you aren't all irritating her until she's feeling better.

Ikeameatballs · 27/07/2016 11:40

Whilst I can see why you've done it I'm not sure that it will help things.

For whatever pre-teen reason she is unhappy. I would explain to her that whilst you can see she is unhappy the rudeness and meanness to her brother are unacceptable. She needs some time away from everyone so that you can have a break from her behaviour and she can have a chance to think about how she feels and how she can change her behaviour. And I wouldn't make her read all day either.

I don't think you can expect her to be happy and smiling. Her sulks might be unreasonable but that's part of her age and development, you're probably reinforcing her mindset if you've been nagging her to look happy. Ignore, ignore.

purplevase4 · 27/07/2016 11:40

It's the hormones! She can't help it in a way

Rubbish. Teens are only horrible if they are allowed to be.

My Mum would have told me that I was spoiling the holiday for everyone else, and to put a smile on my face or else

This.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/07/2016 11:43

Daft to say she can't help it, IMO, hormones or no hormones.

Kids are only spoiled-brattish if they're allowed to be. I'd leave her to stew and tell her that it's up to her - if she wants to be pleasant she can come out. If not, keep her sulky wet blanket to herself. I would absolutely not reward her behaviour with any special-for-her treat.

Most 11 year olds would absolutely love a holiday with a swim up room. I know mine would have.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 27/07/2016 11:43

I don't think you can make somebody smile when they are feeling miserable, even if they have been taken on what objectively should be a nice holiday.

Actively being rude and horrible - sanction. Not looking happy though? Seriously?

I have a DD that age and so far holidays with her (and smaller brothers as yours has) have been fine because we go to places that (while there are no swim up pools) there are other kids her age she can hang out with and wander about with.

If my DD was behaving the way you describe I might well say she has to stay in the room and on the terrace, and might remove her phone as sometimes obsessing over the phone can be negatively mood altering, but I wouldn't stop her watching TV, I'd just not pay much attention to her for a few hours and then go and see if she wanted to "start afresh" no more said...

Have you never been the one being told "smile love, it might never happen"? or being chastised for not looking happy enough? Even if you were in a neutral mood rather than a grumpy one it is enough to make you feel properly red mist furious, especially if you are a hormonal pre teen or post partum mother

FindingNemoAgain · 27/07/2016 11:44

Purplevase4
Are you being serious? I'm talking scientific facts not something that can be crossed out? What do you think make them go through puberty? Magic? Have a look at Blame My Brain book for instance.

Heavens2Betsy · 27/07/2016 11:45

Hormones my arse!
Its not an excuse to be a brat.
Leave her in the room but every few hours ask her if she's ready to come and be nice again and when she does start afresh with a clean slate.
Don't let it spoil your holiday

Coconutty · 27/07/2016 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

myownprivateidaho · 27/07/2016 11:46

Agree that you need to separate out unacceptable behaviour - rudeness, being mean to brother - from general sadness - looking sulky, being quiet. Penalising her for the latter is not going to help.

NoahVale · 27/07/2016 11:46

just ignore and hope she will come round. dont pander to her but dont force her into her room

BorpBorpBorp · 27/07/2016 11:49

I would really struggle to stay in a hotel room with my family now, on a holiday where we're doing every activity together, and that feeling started around age 11. At 11 I wouldn't have had the emotional self-control to be able to put a brave face on it and power through, so I would have been a massive grouch. The whole experience would have been miserable for everyone.

I think it's the right thing to give her some space to herself for a bit. If she can be trusted, I would leave her in the room and go out for a couple of hours, carry on with your holiday. She can join in when she's ready.

Pardonwhat · 27/07/2016 11:51

Is she usually pleasant at home? I ask because I have hyperthyroidism and can get very unreasonable in hot weather. Hormones CAN make you irritable despite the posters on here seeming to know better Hmm

ShelaghTurner · 27/07/2016 11:52

If these hormones are so strong that kids have no option but to be selfish sulky brats, where are the selfish sulky brats of bygone ages?

Not calling the OP's daughter a selfish sulky brat (although she might be, I don't know!) but in general.

sparechange · 27/07/2016 11:54

Hormones my arse!
Its not an excuse to be a brat.

Tell that to a pregnant woman, or someone mid-way through IVF or menopause
Hormones can make some people go CRAZY. At least as an adult, we have the self-awareness to step back and realise it is hormones. An 11 year old can't, and needs treating with a bit of kindness

MrsPMT · 27/07/2016 11:55

Some good advice re-hormones, my 11yr old DS very similar at the moment, he's def turned into a troll this year.

Agree with myownprivateidaho (one of my fave films too Grin)

WhooooAmI24601 · 27/07/2016 11:59

Shelagh My older brother is in his early fifties now so went through his hormone-ridden teen years many moons ago, but my parents both declared to me that he was the worst teenager they'd ever met when he began puberty; they laugh now but said that at the time they tore their hair out with him. I don't believe for one second that teens from previous generations didn't experience mood swings or mardy faces. Kevin and Perry must be 25 years ago and they resonated with most parents of pre-teens.

Rose-tinted glasses are a marvellous thing.