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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make DD sit in the hotel room reading?

85 replies

FreyaFriday · 27/07/2016 11:14

We are currently on day 5 of a week long all inclusive break abroad. Lovely hotel, lots for the kids to do, nothing 'boring' etc.

DD (11) gets in terrible moods sometimes and has spent the whole holiday so far in a foul mood. She has a constant sulky look on her face, is being rude, horrible to her younger brother and hasn't smiled once!

We have constantly done whatever she wants apart from yesterday when we went for 2 hours to the local village. DD cried and was rude and nasty the whole time we were there.

We have taken her phone off her now for the remainder of the holiday and it did help a bit last night but this morning she has been worse than ever.

So we have now said she has to sit in the hotel room all day and can only read, not watch tv or have her phone. And she is kicking off big time. We have a swim up room so we are on the terrace of our room using the pool, we haven't just abandoned her in the room.

Are we being unreasonable? I don't know what else to do!

OP posts:

Whinyleonard · 27/07/2016 17:22

Just googled swim up beach. How have I not been introduced to this phenomenon before?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 27/07/2016 17:26

I'd just give her phone back and ignore her and get on with your holiday tbh. Stop engaging with her and trying make her feel something she's not. Don't allow rudeness but equally don't get into a battle on your holiday.

of swim up room

yaaasqueen · 27/07/2016 17:31

Sit her down and say listen I know you are going through growing up and it can be very tricky. But would you like to tell me why you are so unhappy what is really going on. Maybe if we talk about it without either of us using nasty words or having any attitude just being neutral and listen to each other. See what she says. I know at that age (actually it was the summer between yr 7 and 8) I was feeling a bit self conscious as I didn't think I had "cool" clothes and stuff, I would probably have liked to go to the kids club or done a turn in the hotel talent show but I felt others would judge me for not being cool and being babyish- I was probably having some friendship issue/ongoing saga over text that was irritating me but would be ridiculously trivial to an adult, and I had probably spotted a boy I quite liked the look of but thought I was too much of a hideous troll to ever get him to speak to me...

That's just me. I'd probably have appreciated a hug, a chat and my mum to let me get my hair done in those funky braids or let me get a new lip gloss so I'd feel "cool". But I had hideously low self esteem too I just had NO CLUE how to express myself! I don't know your dd maybe she just feels rubbish and doesn't know why??

This being said... I'd she screams at you and refuses your offer of understanding then a telling off is in order and take the phone away for a bit! !!

yaaasqueen · 27/07/2016 17:33

I was a complete nightmare as a teenager. I had horrendous moodswings and regretted it straight away, but I was always far too ashamed to admit I was wrong so I carried on sulking

Basically this. I only worked it out by the age of about 21 that I could just you know, decide to stop being in the sulk and get on with my day.

yaaasqueen · 27/07/2016 17:34

Stop engaging with her and trying make her feel something she's not

Er isn't that a bit harsh ? Something she's not what, important or worthy of attention? To be honest if you want her to behave ie. Be happy then that's the worst thing to do? Why would you want to make your daughter feel like she's basically unworthy of anyone's time, that's not going to improve her behaviour!!

JeanGenie23 · 27/07/2016 17:38

I went through stages of being mean, especially to my mom (I thought she preferred my friend to me) at my worst my dad said to me that my behaviour was disgusting and selfish and if I wanted to be treated like an adult I should act like one. It stuck with me and I vowed to change.

I would stop punishing your add because she will only become worse I would ask her how she expects you guys to react to her behaviour? What is it that she wants? Ask her what's the issue? I can bet this is just a power struggle and when she can see you aren't fighting it will stump her!

elodie2000 · 27/07/2016 17:51

Let's say hormones are taking over & making her moody and irritable then.
She still needs to learn that despite her mood, there is NEVER an excuse to be rude & ruin things for everyone else.
Fine for her to be quietly pissed off and out of sorts but she's out of order making everyone else miserable.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 27/07/2016 17:51

Er isn't that a bit harsh ?

Ignoring bad behaviour is pretty standard parenting advice.

I'm sure the OP wants her dd to be in the holiday mode and sparky and happy, but she's not so she shouldn't try and make her imho. Ignore her perfectly normal teenage strops and get on and enjoy the holiday.

And if I was harsh, I wouldn't have suggested giving her phone back, would I?

LivingInMidnight · 27/07/2016 17:54

She might just want a bit of space. Is there a separate pool or just the swim up one? I'd send her there if there was.

scaryteacher · 28/07/2016 08:41

Tofutti My brother used to get told the same thing, and I have been known to say that to my own ds, and to the teens we used to take on activities week and other school trips, regardless of their gender.

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